Take it Slow
Why building meaningful relationships takes time
I graduated from high school in 2007. I don’t necessarily share that date to age myself, but rather to make a point that since graduating from high school nearly a decade ago, I have managed to maintain only one meaningful and long-lasting friendship from my time there.
Sure, this differs from person to person. I have several friends in my life who have very strong relationships with several of their high school friends. And that’s amazing. But I think there are a few important takeaways for those of us old enough to have spent at least five years out of the high school arena. One of those takeaways is that time is valuable for relationships. Time either provides healing or growth — if you are ending a relationship with someone, it often takes a considerable amount of time before that relationship feels comfortable or normal again. The same can be said for growing a relationship.
When Kim (best friend and lovely lady pictured above) and I graduated from high school many years ago, we decided to go to separate universities. And by separate, I mean that I attended a smaller public university only about 75 miles away from our hometown in Western Kentucky while Kim flew across the country with a full ride to Stanford. For most high school friendships, and even for relationships in general, this could have easily been where the road ended. But it wasn’t.
Once we graduated college, we continued to go our separate ways. I started my teaching career only 10 miles from my hometown while Kim spent two years in Madagascar as a Peace Corps Volunteer. Even with very little real-time communication and several handwritten letters, the friendship continued.
When I think about my friendship with Kim and why it has lasted all these years, I realize that it is a combination of value and time. What matters most in relationships is not whether or not it’s someone you met in high school or someone you met yesterday in a coffee shop; instead, it is the notion that each person feels as though they contribute something to the other.
I treat my work in my community for my graduate program similarly to those relationships I have with key individuals in my life. For many of my classmates and myself, one of the major challenges of our work was quickly building trusting and long-lasting relationships with individuals who, at the beginning of our program, we knew very little about.
But let’s go back to value for a minute. I honestly believe that one of the reasons why the relationships develop so organically within the community I’m serving is because both parties understand their need for each other. Seniors need young professionals to help them with technology and young professionals need the wisdom and guidance from seniors. When there is value at stake and there’s enough time in place, communities (and the individuals who serve them) have the opportunity to form beautiful and deep-rooted relationships.
I think the biggest lesson I’ve learned while working with my community this year has been this: when a community feels as though they are being valued and, in turn, are bringing value to someone else, they will commit to you for the long haul. When a senior walks into one of our events, we want them to recognize their value and their worth in our community. The same can be said for our young professionals — we work really hard to make both generations feel like they are bringing something to the table. Truthfully, they are — and that is why they keep coming back.
While a year may seem like a long time (especially when you’re in grad school), it is really just the launchpad for the beginning of a sustainable relationship with your community. While I’ve made a continuous effort to do as much as I can for the past nine months (and the few months that are still ahead), I know that this is only the start to something really, really good.
To follow Wire the Wise on our journey, click here. To learn more about my best friend Kim, click here. :)
