Daily Gratitude: an Antidote to Stealth Dissatisfaction
Many of us feel an understandable general despair with the state of the world today. It is difficult to keep fighting for the same social justice causes repeatedly for decades only to see limited progress. And, if Roe vs. Wade is overturned as seems likely, we are looking at a regression of social justice for women and the children they are forced to bear on a scale that most of us have never seen. Also, the pandemic exposed many people in this nation as so selfish that they prioritized convenience instead of the health of their community, including their own families. Finally, climate change has now officially morphed into a climate crisis. In sum, there are legitimate reasons for our frustration and dissatisfaction.
But there are other hidden and manufactured ways in which we are encouraged to feel dissatisfied with our lives and our world. One hidden source of dissatisfaction is the news we consume that deliberately show us the worst of what is happening in the world. Do we need to know of Putin’s mass slaughter of Ukrainian civilians? Of course. Do we need to know that guns kill more children now in the US than auto accidents? Also yes. But a steady diet of news without some counterbalance of hope and vision of a better world leave many of us depressed, raging, or even worse, cynical and apathetic. Not good. Especially when democracy in this country is under assault.
Our consumer culture in general is another source of stealth dissatisfaction. Ads on social media encourage us to compare what we have with what others have. Also on social media it is inevitable that you will see a friend with an expensive new car or tech gadget and feel a flare of jealousy and dissatisfaction that you cannot afford those things. Then there are the reality tv shows that show a level of wealth many of us will never achieve. You know the ones. Home ownership is out of reach for the majority of people in the US, and even if we can afford to own a home, doing a $100,000 reno is probably not in our budget. Yet it is so easy to mindlessly watch. And the homes really are beautiful.
If you are a woman or identify as female there is also an entire industry devoted to making sure that we as women stay ashamed of our perfectly normal bodies. So women even from a young age are taught to be dissatisfied with their bodies, that thin ( but curvy!) is the only acceptable way to exist in the world. It is the attitude that women are here for the male gaze, not because they are simply people. Yes, we want to be attractive for our male partners or just for ourselves but the beauty industry demands a level of outrageous perfection that can make our lives miserable, especially for those of us who are fifty and above. The actor and writer, Carrie Fisher, said it best: “Men don’t age better than women, they’re just allowed to age.”
So what can we do? What is the antidote? I suggest writing daily about what is good about our lives and expressing gratitude for those good things. It is not a new idea but what I am proposing is that we journal daily. The sources of stealth dissatisfaction are so pervasive that writing about our gratitude daily is one way to keep ourselves from falling into despair and inaction. I have noticed in my own life that staying in the moment as much as possible and appreciating the little things -a good cup of coffee, seeing a hummingbird outside my kitchen window, exercising, meditating, knitting a beautiful scarf or laughing with a friend-is good for me and helps me to keep things in perspective. Maybe writing daily about these kinds of moments will be good for you as well.
Feeling gratitude may mean being thankful to a higher power, but even if you are nonreligious and live a secular life there are ways to express gratitude for your life as it is now and lessen the stealth dissatisfaction that can build up unnoticed. Here are some ideas to get started writing in your gratitude journal: What small thing are you noticing in this present moment that makes you happy? What do you value about the people currently in your life? Try expressing your gratitude also for all the unseen people who sewed the clothes you are wearing or picked the fruit you had for breakfast. Some final ideas to ask: What do you value about yourself these days? What are the activities and hobbies that you enjoy doing? Begin answering these questions and others that come to mind and then I wish you less dissatisfaction and more joy.
