On #MeToo and the Feminist Movement

There are so many problems with so many aspects of feminism throughout the world. Especially on social media. And the latest aspect of that movement — the #MeToo social media campaign — has been criticized (validly) for making womxn do the emotional labour (again) to get others to recognize the severity of the situation. It has been criticized for being performative, white-feminist-ey and for triggering those who have been through sexual assault.

And all of these concerns raise excellent points. But, might I suggest, that there is another way of looking at it…

While #MeToo was started to “give people a sense of the magnitude of the problem”, I don’t think that’s why womxn (and a whole lot of men, too) have been posting it.

I posted #MeToo for a whole stack of reasons. I posted it because I only started to heal when I acknowledged what had happened to me.

I posted it because I spent eight years convinced that my sexual assault was nothing more than a bad dream.

I posted it because there are people who feel alone, afraid and isolated because they have been harassed or assaulted.

I posted it because the phrasing included ‘sexually harassed’ and this — for me — was a good thing because we, as a society, spend too much time telling womxn that it’s only bad if [fill in extreme circumstance here] and end up neglecting the importance of harassment.

For me, #MeToo is another take on #YesAllWomen. Less combative and angry, sure. And womxn have every right to be combative and angry, and a movement shouldn’t be designed to keep people in their comfort zones.

Except when that movement is not for the perpetrators, the law makers and the devils advocates. When the movement is a chance to breathe; a chance to feel solidarity and community with others; a chance to acknowledge; and a chance to heal… then maybe quiet, undisruptive statement of fact is enough.

I don’t believe that #MeToo will suddenly make people understand or see or pay attention. I don’t know if I believe that anything will; after a man accused of rape was elected to the Presidency of the United States.

But I do believe that it will allow womxn, and men, and nonbinary folx, and transgender people to simply state their truths in a space where everyone else is too. A space that is (somewhat) more accommodating because there is some degree of safety in numbers.

So I will — and I have — posted #MeToo. We’ve said it before, we’ve been saying it but you know what? I’ll say it again. Because I am not the one who should be ashamed or silent about my treatment at the hands of men.

I’ll post it for the man who stuck his hand up my skirt when I was walking to class.

I’ll post it for the man who commented “well then, don’t dress like a slut” when I blogged about it.

I’ll post it for the times I’m not even sure whether or not I — or they — consented because I have had times in my life where I’ve had an unhealthy relationship with alcohol.

I’ll post it for the man who stalked me for a week. The man who followed me from pub to bar to club to home. The numerous men who ‘just want to be your friend’ and showcase this with a drink and a hand on your leg.

I’ll post it for the night my boyfriend held me while I cried because I am already terrified of ever having a baby girl and waiting for the day that she comes home to tell me she’s been harassed or assaulted.

I’ll post it because I’m terrified that she wont tell me.

I’ll post it for the night my friends and I wondered whether every man, ever, is capable of rape.

I’ll post it for the friend who still has her panties in a plastic packet, stored away somewhere in the back of her cupboard, in case she ever decides to report.

I’ll post it for the man who locked me in a room earlier this year at the workplace.

I’ll post it for the countless womxn who have come to me and said, “I don’t know if I consented but I also don’t know if it was rape”.

I’ll post it for the handful of men who have said the same.

I’ll post it for the eight years I spent being so ashamed that my brain convinced me that I had just had a bad dream.

I’ll post it because I will not be ashamed again.