Day 6/30: I’m swapping IG scrolling for Audible

Yesterday was a quiet day at home, a day full of laundry and getting acquainted back from vacation.

In the past, quiet days at home would mean mindlessly scrolling IG or Facebook, for hours. Yesterday, I didn’t do it.

I’m learning there really is a lot of space and time to fill in a day. I’d like to start replacing scroll time with meaningful acts, but I’m not quite sure what those are yet other than reading and writing.

Is Medium my holy grail to fighting my addiction?

On the first few days of my detox, I thought it was. I frickin’ love this platform and all that I’m learning! I found myself reading articles on becoming a better writer, how to get your first 100 followers, how to get paid on the platform.

Then, I found myself checking the platform to see if I received any new followers, got any new comments.

Yesterday afternoon it hit me and I said to myself, “This behavior feels familiar. I’m acting exactly like I did on IG and Facebook. It’s the exact behavior I’m trying to detox from.”

Addiction is ugly.

Ugh. The fix you get from a heart, a comment, a follower is meaningless in the scope of life meaning, yet so addicting!

I sat down and had a little chat with myself, “Why? What are you even chasing? Do you really want to chase being paid to write on this platform?”

No.

I really don’t, I believe there are better avenues to chase earning money — unless you are a top writer here.

I believe why I’m here is buried somewhere below my addiction. I think I really do love to write.

My next steps…

I want to find the writers who are not caught up in the numbers game. Who are here primarily to write and not chase followers, subscribers…all that bit. Are they here? I found a couple, I’d like to find more.

Would I enjoy people reading my writing? Absolutely. Afterall, my story could one day help someone.

If there is one thing I know is true it’s this: I’ve never believed in myself more in curbing this addiction. In these 6 days, I’ve tasted what life could be like on the other side of this addiction and that’s the high I want to chase.

For now, I’m not here to fix anyone other than myself and I do think this platform is helping me by continuing to show up to write these posts.

Starting now, I do not plan to check this post for likes, followers…all that mess until I log in tomorrow to write again from my laptop. To help, I just removed Medium from my phone.

I don’t love the idea that I can no longer read anyone’s writing from my phone, but reading the articles…commenting…all that work can wait until I’m in a better place. After this 30 day trial, I’ll have to decide if I can write from this platform from a healthy place. If not, I’ll just be a reader on this platform and that’s ok, too.

Instead of scrolling, I started an Audible subscription.

When I couldn’t sleep last night I started a trial to Audible. So, when I need to fill my time during the day, I will listen to a good book. I know that’s a GREAT habit to start.

For now I’m listening to Pride and Prejudice. Don’t ask me why, it was a 4am can’t sleep decision. I feel like it’s a book I should have read in the past, never did. I’m on chapter 10 and I don’t love it, but I’ve got 10 hours left to change my mind.