#WalkAway Story I Didn’t Know I Had

Rare First Person Look

Photo by Justin Cron on Unsplash

The #WalkAway Story I Didn’t Think I Had

I never thought I would be writing this article. I never thought I would be telling people about how I walked away from the left. It’s not that I never thought I would leave the left; it’s because I never realized I was that far on the left! To be honest, I was never that political. In fact; I actively ran away from politics at every turn. I was of the mindset that all politicians are evil and that nothing I said or did would ever make a difference. In my mind; I knew what I knew and I felt how I felt, and that was the end of it.

Photo by Christian Wiediger on Unsplash

Being a Reluctant Leftist YouTuber

Thinking back; the people in my every day life and that surrounded me, had no effect on what would be considered my political standing. My parents are Republican, but I always ignored any speak from them on politics. As I said; I would run from any mention of politics. This was probably greatly due to the fact that there were many subjects and issues that I did not directly associate with being political. In my real everyday life, I didn’t have conversations about any issues or share my opinions or feelings on things. During that time; I didn’t even get out much really, so it insulated me from having those important discussions.

Not long into this time, though, is when I created my YouTube channel and began to upload videos there. Of course, being what it is, I needed content to upload. I didn’t want to do skits or any of the “entertainment” style videos that were popular. Granted; many of the trends that went around, I ended up doing… but for the same reason that I ended up being pulled into the left; without even realizing that it was happening. Like a lot of YouTubers and social media content creators; it quickly became all about how many subscribers I could get and how many likes and shares a video had. That was the drive… be as popular as you can possibly be, no matter how you have to get there.

This mentality caused me to not only hide beliefs and feelings from the world, but to actually actively and vigorously work at convincing myself that things were true and that I could and should feel or think a certain way; all so I could then put it on video and get the acceptance and popularity online that I needed. Needless to say, this is a toxic way to do anything. Writing it now and surely reading this, it is obviously a toxic and foolish way to go about things. The trouble with that is that it did not happen in an instant; it was a slow burn slide into a version of myself that I had convinced myself was the real me.

This process was fueled from being a Xennial and feeling as though I was trying to identify with two generations at once, but not being able to really link up with either. Since the goal was popularity and online connections, the “older” side of being a Xennial was suppressed a great deal. I embodied a lot of the old saying, “Old enough to know better and still too young to care.” Because of this internal conflict, I began- without realizing it- to cherry pick social changes and expectations that I could convince myself I believed in or that I could fool myself into learning to accept as truth. However; the leftist social climate doesn’t let anyone cherry pick, you have to believe everything. I never could fully do that, so I came off online looking like an idiot or indecisive at best. It was all born of the internal struggle between what I truly believed and knew to be reality and truth; and the concepts and things that I was trying so desperately to convince myself where reality and truth. The online activity and community were poisoning me… I would feel the struggle and pain… then turn to that same community trying to fix it; not realizing the cycle I was in.

Photo by Patrick Tomasso on Unsplash

Where I Am Now and Why

I am back on YouTube these days, though two years ago, I took time away from the platform. That helped to clear my head a bit. Recent events; and we all know what events those are; forced me to not only pay close attention to politics, but to take an honest hard look at how my real beliefs translated into policies and political standings. It then forced me to also analyze what the beliefs that I was trying to convince myself of would translate into policies and political standings. It was then that I realized that not only was I fighting the truth and reality within myself, but I was doing all of this because I had allowed outside forces to dictate what I presented to the world. I wasn’t sharing or fighting for my beliefs; I was simply going with the flow and accepting that the flow was the truth. I was being manipulated from the inside out. I hated Trump for being a racist, sexist, evil man; but couldn’t tell you one reason why he was supposedly any of those things. I would have told you that he was a horrible President and a trashy person; but I didn’t know any policies he had created, improvements he had accomplished, groups of people he had already helped. I didn’t actually know anything; I only knew what media and online influencers had told me.

I have never been the type of person to let other people dictate who I am or what I believe; so this came as a shock to me upon realizing all of this. More shocking was that this had taken place for years already. The longer events went on and the more I researched all of the facts; the more I began to realize that I am much further on the right than I ever thought. The moment I decided to stick to what I know to be true and accepted that reality is what it is; the more weight lifted from me. That’s where I am now.

In Closing

I am not trying to convince you to lean one way or the other. I do want to encourage everyone to do their own research. Learn the true facts and look at the world objectively. Once you have all of the true and real facts; without outside or social influence; then make your decisions on where you stand. Be true to you and ensure that you are fighting and voting for what will improve the world. You are smart and you will find truth if you use your mind. Research and learn; then be you.

--

--

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store
Timothy A Rowland

Timothy A Rowland

I’m an every day human Xennial living in the Southeastern United States. I have many interest. I just want to improve your life and maybe entertain you.