Take This One Step to Silence Anxiety

It’s impressive how the mind can learn to quiet itself when we learn we are not made of glass.

Dejan
sofi stories
Published in
5 min readSep 22, 2021

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I was always the person who was afraid to live a life that differed too much from a “healthy” lifestyle. I owe that to my (undiagnosed) medical anxiety. I tried various things to calm my mind (and my anxiety) but just one thing helped me more than anything.

Hesitation

A friend of mine told me about the chance to work in Alaska and earn some extra money during summer break.

I said, Why not?

It is far away; I’ve never been to the USA before but I can always go back if I don’t like it.

So, as an inexperienced and unorganized guy, I did everything concerning the procedure to apply. I wrote a CV, applied for visa, met the agent…

Everything except getting more familiar with working conditions out there. The only information I had was from my friend who was there two years ago. According to his story, work was completely fair, normal, and flexible.

I got a visa.

I was selected by the biggest fishing company out there.

I paid for the insurance.

I was ready to set off.

And THEN I started to read more on the internet about working conditions out there. And THEN I started to feel anxious.

Photo by David Clode on Unsplash

Sixteen hours workdays.

Two breaks lasting 15 and one “big” lasting 30 minutes.

No day off.

Sometimes the season can last for 40 days.

And I had only 10 days to change my mind. Besides losing all the money I gave in advance I would also disappoint myself. Those were pretty harsh days, my brain was working for more than 16 hours a day:

“Go with the flow. / Don’t go. It’s so far away from home, a lot of bad things can happen. / Don’t disappoint your family and friends, show them what you are made of. / Why should you prove yourself to anyone, do you want to lose your life because of that?”

On and on.

And five days before taking off I decided. I’m going. I got support from my family to return always if I ever feel like I can’t take it.

What could I lose? A little money.

What could I gain? A lot of money, self-confidence, lifelong experience.

Photo by Ben Wicks on Unsplash

Work

Out there, after more than 20 hours of traveling, I got lucky (I remembered the quote: “The Universe falls in love with a brave heart.”).

I got a job in one part of the factory that has only a few employees. I met all my coworkers there. And they were all good guys.

My supervisors also. They were kind, professional, and empathetic.

Working conditions were hard.

Wet. Cold. Stinky. Repetitive.

Turned out that this season had 3 weeks of sixteens.

Habituation

Back home I always tried to have:

8 hours of sleep,

3 meals a day (with a lot of vegetables),

no sugar (rarely),

cardio and weight training.

This was completely the opposite:

5–6 hours of sleep,

5–6 meals a day (including break meals),

a lot of sugary foods,

no training at all.

Not to mention that my feet were wet all the time.

I thought that I would fall apart. That something terrible with my body will happen. At least I would catch some cold.

But guess what? None of that.

The first two weeks of sixteens were somehow interesting. I guess the brain was pushing the dopamine as hard as it could. I remember I was singing during the working hours.

Of course, my feet were hurting, muscles were sore, my nose was blocked. But nothing serious and terminal. I got used to it after the first week.

But then the third week came.

Photo by Sandy Millar on Unsplash

Hard Time

For me, the third week was the extra one. The game-changer.

During that week my brain started to hurt. And when it hurts it cries. I started to feel emotionally tired.

Just a thought about another day of 16 hours in the

same room,

with the same people,

doing the same job,

with the same sounds,

same smells,

was devastating.

I could see it on people's faces. On my face. Hesitation. Should I quit and go? Or should I wait a little more, not many days are left?

It is the period when your brain again starts to make up all kinds of excuses to quit.

“You earned enough money already” / “Don’t be greedy”/ “You proved your point”/ “You have people out there waiting for you”/ “Remember how soft and cozy your bed is?” / “Imagine sleeping for eight hours straight?”

And on and on.

Eventually, the day came. I surpassed those critical periods and one day the supervisor told us — “That’s it. No more “sixteens”. No more fish. Season is ending very fast.”

And then you start to eagerly anticipate the next flight home. After a few days back home (sweet home), you start to feel like a winner.

Photo by Christal Yuen on Unsplash

Stepping Beyond Comfort: The Real Antidote to Anxiety

21 days of non-stop “sixteens”.

As time passes, you start to feel proud of yourself. But that self-esteem was not the biggest reward for me.

The biggest reward was the quietness of my anxiety.

When you realize that you are not made of glass. That living (from time to time) like most other people on the planet won’t kill you. That your body can survive extreme conditions without serious consequences.

So what was the one step that silenced my anxiety? Stepping out of the comfort zone. Not stepping out anywhere, but towards my biggest fears.

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sofi stories
sofi stories

Published in sofi stories

A community dedicated to exploring the connection between people and plants — sharing experiences, insights, and answers with one another as we go.

Dejan
Dejan

Written by Dejan

Biologist, ecologist, and proud millennial. Enjoys teaching, writing, and reading. Passionate about sports and adventure. Fights anxiety boldly.

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