The EI Blueprint
As I began to ponder about emotional intelligence in the workplace, I found myself thinking that the most effective way to explain it would be by using my own experiences regarding it. For the past three summers I have worked as a waiter at a historic hotel in my hometown. I serve breakfast in a formal dining area to our guests each morning. Let’s rewind to my first day on the job to compare what I didn’t know then to what I learned about the importance of EI as I progressed.
When I reported on my first day I was excited but overwhelmingly nervous. At the time I knew the basics of what being a waiter entailed but I failed to realize the vital role communication, interpretation, first impressions, and simple interactions with customers would play. Since this was my first job I hadn’t yet developed extensive soft skills and therefore I personally believed I was getting eaten alive during every shift. I found I was bad at judging people’s moods, I struggled with small talk unless it was something of interest to me, and failed to make routinely stellar impressions with each new table. I knew I could be a great server, I just had a lot of work to do with the part that actually matters.
This part, in my opinion, is the overall dining experience and it takes a genuinely talented waiter to make that experience positively unforgettable. You have the ability to make an average meal exceptional and a mediocre establishment fantastic. I watched the veteran servers who had all been there much longer than myself to see how they handled every situation and human dynamic. I inquired about what to look for and cues that gave off hints to what they may need or be waiting for. The truth is you can never perfect or prepare for every circumstance because everyone is so unique, but you can simply create a general template for each reaction you receive when you first walk over to your new table. You can usually immediately indicate what kind of experience they are looking for or are desiring purely based off of the initial contact.
By this year, I realized how easy serving had become after being so challenging to start solely based on the principles of emotional intelligence. By being able to read each customer more accurately I was able to make my job more enjoyable and less stressful while making each experience more positive for the customer. Armed with EI there wasn’t a curveball I couldn’t handle and the most gratifying aspect that came with this newly acquired skill was that I learned to love my job and can now hold a conversation with anyone on just about anything.
The following four steps found in Emotional Intelligence in Everyday Life map out the blueprint of EI in the workplace:
Step 1: Accurately Identify Emotions-Gather the Available Data
“The first step in the blueprint is emotion identification (Ciarrochi 2006).” More than just simple emotional awareness, this ability has to do with accurately identifying one’s own emotions as well of those of others. This involves picking up cues, both verbal and nonverbal, and discerning genuine versus forced expression.
Step 2: Use Emotions to Enhance Thinking- Generate a Shared Emotional Perspective
Feelings serve as internal guides for both decision making and sharing the perspective of another to feel what they feel, have empathy, and see the world from their perspective. This builds rapport and trust.
Step 3: Understand the Causes and Progressions of Emotions- Ask “What If” Questions
Correctly identifying another’s emotions isn’t exactly mind-reading. Use a simple probing question that uncovers underlying causes of that individual’s displayed emotion. This shows highly in-depth emotional understanding and shows reasoning behind the causes and progressions of emotions.
Step 4: Manage Emotions to Achieve Intelligent Outcomes-Base Strategic Decisions on Emotions and Reasoning
One’s approach to working with someone else is usually guided by an interest of a desired outcome. The decisions that are made during the process are designed to support that outcome. “Combining logical reasoning with emotional awareness creates an emotionally intelligent decision that is headed for success (Ciarrochi 2006).” If random acts throughout our day have such an effect on our moods then can’t intentional acts designed to alter our own and others’ emotions be even more effective?
Ciarrochi, J., Forgas, J. P., & Mayer, J. D. (2006). Emotional intelligence in everyday life. New York, NY: Psychology Press.
