Going from No to Yes

In the previous blog, we have talked about adjusting negotiation strategies based on who you are talking with. In any negotiation, sometimes things can get a little hostile but according to William Ury, a mediator who handles anything from family conflicts to ethnic wars, there is a way to keep the conversation on track and civil by using what is called the “third side”. Ury describes this by saying,

“The third side of the conflict is us, it’s the surrounding community, it’s the friends, the allies, the family members, the neighbors. And we can play an incredibly constructive role.”

This is very critical when doing any sort of negotiation. Ury is stating that people outside of the situation that are not directly involved are very important because they can help keep the peace between the two sides and try to keep things rational without making it personal. He also adds, “the third side can help is to remind the parties of what’s really at stake.” This means that although the negotiation itself may cause the sides to become irritated, the third side is there to remind us that the negotiation should be, “For the sake of the kids, for the sake of the family, for the sake of the community, for the sake of the future..”.

I think the idea of “the third side” is very unique and interesting because when I think about it, there have been plenty of times where I was having a discussion with someone close to me and when things started to get a little tense, there was always someone there to remind us of why we are talking in the first place. I feel that this is incredibly helpful and I have experienced this for myself. For example, when my parents began to argue when they were discussing something, I stepped in and reminded them that they are talking about the issue because it is about our family and not just about being right or wrong. This seemed to mediate the discussion and I understand that it is always good to have someone keeping the conversation in the right direction.

So for those of you that now understand what the third side is, let me ask you this question. Do you ever remember a time when you were seeing people have a conversation and stepped in to mediate the issue? Or do you remember someone outside of your situation reminding you that there is no reason to lose perspective on whats really important? I know I do.

Citations:

Ury, W. (n.d.). The walk from “no” to “yes”. Retrieved October 02, 2017, from https://www.ted.com/talks/william_ury