How “Toxic Masculinity” is Misheard: Speaking Plainly About Male Pain
It’s happened twice in the last month. Both times I was watching British TV shows (I’m American), and each incident took me aback.
The first was when my spouse and I binged Big Dreams, Small Spaces, an unhurried gardening show hosted by Monty Don — a tall, rugged man affectionately known as “Britian’s Favorite Gardener.” Two episodes in the camera captures a conversation between Monty and a man he’s helping, Gary, as they’re doing some heavy work digging up a large backyard pond.
The surprise? They’re talking about depression and what helps them when they face it.
Narrator: Gary and Monty share more than just a passion for plants. Both have taken comfort from gardening in difficult times.
Monty: How are your dark days?
Gary: I have had days when I thought, “This [the backyard garden he’s creating] isn’t gonna happen. I can’t do it.” You know, one problem just escalates in your head. You know, I’ve not hidden the fact that I have suffered from depression in the past — quite severely — a number of years ago. And finding this [indicating an old air raid shelter underneath the pond he was digging] was such a trauma. If anything was gonna knock me back, it was this. And it did, temporarily. And the fact I got over it, I dealt with…
