Man Watching Little League Games Definitely Doesn’t Have Kids

SARASOTA, FL — Speaking to no one before taking his usual place directly behind the left field fence, it became evident that the unknown man watching little league games definitely doesn’t have kids. “All of us just assume he really likes baseball, because we don’t want to think about why else he might be here,” said local dad Roger Taylor, coach of the Pascal’s Pizza Pirates, adding that the mysterious man has never done anything problematic but still gives everyone the heebie jeebies. “He just stands there every night staring. He’s never said anything to the kids, never clapped or booed or cheered, he just watches intently. If someone hits a home run, he slowly walks over to the ball, picks it up, and hands it to the closest outfielder. The kids call him ‘Chain-Link Chuck’ and if they try to talk to him he just stares back. He seems to be in his early 50s, but no one knows who he is. He sort of just walks out of the woods. Maybe there’s something wrong with him, maybe he had a traumatic little league experience himself. I don’t know, but I’ll tell you one thing — that man definitely doesn’t have kids.” Taylor later remarked that, despite his aloof behavior, the man did possess an uncanny ability to resist the smell of freshly grilled little league burgers.