Why Sexual Purity Matters
Four truths about sex
Well let’s start with the obvious. I am 29 years old and I have lived my entire life without actually partaking in sex. It is something that I don’t actually tell very many people because in the past a number of reactions follow. Typically people look at me like I’m from another planet. Others simply don’t believe me. Some have expressed that they feel sorry for me. And occasionally some people have felt guilt because they regret their sexual mistakes. None of these expressions make me excited about being public about reserving sex for marriage. Yet, as a man that is about to be married, I’d like to share why I’m a virgin and why it has been an important virtue in my life.
Let me also state that I am the absolute worst example for virginity that has ever walked the earth. Believe me when I say that as a man with a very healthy appetite for sex, I have pushed the envelope often to a point that makes me feel like I have cheated the term “virgin”. Yet, those moments have showed me enough of the devastation that lies behind lust to be thankful that I have reserved the actual practice of sex for marriage.
With that said, I’d like to offer four truths from a perspective of someone who has never taken part in the practice. These are truths that I wished I would have learned in my adolescence, yet am thankful that I have discovered their value in my adulthood.
However, before starting I’d like to go on record as saying that some of this might make you feel uncomfortable. Should feelings of awkwardness, guilt, shame or any other emotions set in, let me encourage you to read through and understand that this is a conversation that everyone is having, regardless of the crassness or sacredness of the subject. Therefore, you should get comfortable with discomfort when approaching the topic. So, let’s dig in.
Sex is when two become one
Now you’re probably thinking to yourself that I have stated the most obvious thing in the world. However, this terminology is extremely rare when you think about sex, and I hope my children won’t miss it the way I did growing up. The term above comes from Ephesians 5:31. The apostle Paul addresses the proper foundations for healthy Christian marriages, and though he goes through a list of things, he ends by talking about sex.
“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.’ This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.”
(Ephesians 5:31–33 ESV)
Paul says that a man should leave his parents’ home and sink his roots with wife. She is his family now, and the number one priority in His life short of God. However, Paul goes a step further in stating that “the two shall become one flesh,” simply meaning that sexual activity is reserved for marriage. But then he goes one step further. He states that this “two becoming one” deal is a profound mystery. I can only imagine that when you have sex the words “profound” and “mysterious” are quite appropriate. Yet, Paul takes unusual time to specifically unfold what that means.
“I am saying that it refers to Christ and the Church.”
This is something entirely different than how the rest of the world understands sex. Sex is fun, instinctive, natural, casual and healthy to do often for the world around us. However, Paul says that sex mirrors the immeasurable and powerful love of God for His sons and daughters. Simply stating that two people, through the practice of sex, briefly experience the unimaginable bliss that is known within the depths of God’s perfect love for His people.
If you’ve encountered God’s love, it would be hard to walk away from this interpretation lightly. When you understand that God created us simply for the purpose of loving us, that he created an infinitely vast and mysteriously beautiful universe as a portrait of that very love for us, and that despite our rebelliousness towards Him, He sacrificed His very life in order to show us that nothing could separate us from that love, it puts things into an entirely different perspective about sex. Sex becomes less about an orgasm and more about sharing something that words cannot explain with someone with whom we are in union. Which is also why it makes sense that sex produces children at some point. For it was out of the depths of God’s love that He created man so that His love could be shared and within that love His creation would find unmatched satisfaction. Therefore, it makes sense that when we capture that love through sex it produces offspring with whom a husband and a wife share their love.
Now, that might have been a lot to digest so allow me to summarize. God created sex in order that within the union between a man and a woman they could know and experience the power and depths of God’s love that He has for His people. Perhaps a better definition of sex might actually align more with worship than lustful satisfaction.
Sex has been robbed of it’s value
The world around us is indifferent to the value of sex and instead of it being sacred, it is regarded as something entirely different. In our world sex is advertisement, marketing, and a product to be sold. It’s value is understood and taught to be nothing more than instinct, like feeding our bellies when we’re hungry, or scratching our skin when it itches. Is it precious? No, it’s easy to access online, at the movies, or pretty much anywhere. Most people no longer even keep it private. It’s a casual conversation over dinner or at work, a song that we sing over the radio, or a good book that can heat us up when we’re bored.
For relationships, sex is the catalyst of whether or not a couple will succeed or fail. I couldn’t tell you how many people have counseled me to have sex in order to know what kind of a lay I’ll like. Or find it confusing that I’m getting married before having sex simply because I have no knowledge of whether my future wife will be good at it.
In short, sex has no sacred value to the world around us. It’s a game, a quest, or the ability to achieve the best possible orgasm.
Sexual Purity is Difficult but Rewarding.
Therefore, it is safe to say that the value of sexual purity has been seriously misplaced, making it often perceived as impossible or silly to keep sacred. As a virgin, I will tell you that it is the hardest thing that I have ever done in my life. It is hard because you are rarely supported and constantly undermined You are made to feel like you haven’t earned the respect of adulthood or have missed the boat somehow.
However, it is rewarding in the sense that I have not shared the disappointment of losing a relationship that had deep sexual ties. I will not have the struggle of comparing whether a past girlfriend is better in bed than my spouse. Also, I am blessed to share a sacred moment. A moment that reflects God’s love with a woman that is my best friend, my strongest ally, and the love of my life. I don’t say this lightly or recklessly. I have heard far too many people tell me that these are real struggles that couples with sexual pasts have experienced. Therefore, I am thankful that, through the grace of God, I have escaped such difficulties.
Sexual Purity is Redeemable
Now, I know that plenty will read this and might have shame or guilt that sets in when you encounter a Biblical perspective of sex. I believe that everything evil in the world would be pleased if these feelings were allowed to distract you from the true beauty of sex. However, allow me to offer this encouragement and this truth. However ugly, broken or twisted you think you might be, God only sees you as His child. Jesus says to us that “He has declared you perfect.” Think about that for a moment and know that in Christ your past has absolutely no precedence in your present or future. In Him, you will find healing and restoration. He makes all things new. It’s hard to believe, but through Christ alone you will encounter a place to rest the things in your life that you might wish weren’t there, and are offered a future that has been purified by His sacrifice. Therefore, if your past sexual encounters have left you with regrets, I hope that you will find Christ, who restores your past and declares you perfect and pure.
In Closing
The hope in writing this is not to exploit a virtue that I have or to cause one to have guilt or shame. Rather, the hope is to promote a truth of which few people have knowledge. The reality is that our world and even our churches limits sex to lustful appetites, teaching us that sex should either be indulged or harnessed. I’m not taking away that sex requires arousal, lust or any other feeling. However, those things come after the fact that God’s love is the centerpiece of sexuality. Biblical truth teaches us that finding the deep satisfaction of intercourse rather than the cheap, animalistic instinct that we are encouraged to appease upon impulse, requires a knowledge about sex that goes farther into the depths of God’s love rather than settle for the surface understanding that our society feebly offers. Therefore, these truths have our pleasures rooted in them. They are not meant to restrict our enjoyment but to maximize it. Hence, I hope that these four truths will find value in your pursuit of Godly sexuality and lend a better perspective to why sexual purity matters.
