Volunteer Organizations: How I Beat Social Anxiety

Let’s face it. We are all anxious. We’re anxious about our cars, we’re anxious about our rent, we’re anxious about family, friends, whether or not we’ll fit in at a new workplace. Importantly, we are scared of social experiences. All of us are afraid of the unknown, it’s all in how you decide to tackle that unknown.

Are you someone who loves to socialize? Someone that enjoys being around others? Then you are a person who would probably look at that unknown element that socializing brings and accept it as a challenge. And you get energy from those around you when you socialize. The more people, the more energy.

But then there are the people who don’t do so well with socializing. It’s anxiety that is hard to overcome. The constant mounting of questions will bring with it uncertainty and a desire to withdraw into ones self. For surely, inside your own mind, you’ll be free of judgement.

…But that’s never really the case is it? Those people tend to lament on how they wish they could be popular. How they wish they could socialize and be lax and loose with everyone in the room. Maybe for just one night they can feel like they belong, like the world around them isn’t constantly judging their performance as a socialite.

I fall into the latter category, shocker I know. I have anxiety, insecurity, and a horrible inferiority complex when it comes to social situations. I can’t get comfortable in a social setting if I’m not contributing, if I’m not participating. But in a way, it’s the very nature of “hanging out” that makes me uneasy. I’ve never been a friend of the term “relaxing” as shown by the amount of weekends I am away from home (Last year it was 30 of 57 weekends) and by the fact that under my name exists my involvement in 3 communities, 5 coding projects, 5 fan and pop culture conventions, and 1 day job. For someone like me who constantly worries about my ability to be accepted or not, you’d probably find me crazy for being involved in so many positions where I have to interact with people and solve problems.

Ironically even writing this article makes me wonder how my convention staffing friends will see me in this light.

But it helps when you have a situation in where people expect you to do something other than just “hang out”.

Let me explain. When you have something that you’re expected to do, such as a job or a task, then you need not worry about coming up with something to say. Simply speaking, it forces you out of that comfort zone and into a role of responsibility. You’re expected to do something, it all becomes a neat organized list of things you have to do to maintain the “status quo” so to speak. And while that is a very utilitarian way of looking at it, it helps when you’re first trying to break out of a social anxiety shell you’ve trapped yourself in for so long.

When I started at my first convention as a volunteer, I knew something had to change. I had totaled my car, my father had just passed away, and I was starting a new job in one week. I was frustrated. Mad. Upset. Rage. Rage at the world. Rage in the way only a 20 year old boy who’s had tragedy delivered on their doorstep could be upset, to co-op a quote from Dan Floyd. I channeled that rage and depression into the one thing that had been staring me in the face for years. The fact that I, as a person, was scared of meeting other people. Of talking, of communicating, of fearing what people would think of me.

And I would be damned if I’d let myself be that way any longer.

So I threw myself into the work of that convention. I talked to people, gave directions, went out to dinner, checked badges, and even got close to an altercation with security and an unruly director who thought he could just walk past a line I was told no one could go past.

All the while I was sweating bullets. I had to change my shirts frequently and shower often from it. I was so unbearably uncomfortable.

And yet, it worked. By the end of that convention, all I could really remember was that my feet hurt as Closing Ceremonies went by. I could barely stand. An attendee offered me a chair, and I smiled. Sitting down, my legs actually went numb. And I wasn’t thinking about how mad I was at the world.

I was thinking about how fun this would be next year.

It’s funny. Looking back on that weekend I don’t think I was really any big part of the convention as a whole. I was very much a grunt, doing grunt work. And yet, it gave me an outlet to finally start talking to people, addressing others and talking. And while yes, it was a bit scary when people got in my face, it was valuable for me to understand what an altercation was like. And to not flee from it.

And yet, I wanted to go back. I wanted to subject myself to this all over again. I wanted to be in a place where everyone could see me, everyone was looking at me, and everyone was judging me. And I was okay with that.

It’s crazy to think about, but when it comes to anxiety and stress about social interaction, sometimes the best way to get through your anxiety is to just confront it head on. Tell yourself “I am not going to let this bother me anymore” and do your best to overpower it. Repetition and Time changes everything. And if you fail on the first try, get too nervous and run away back to your safe space. Don’t consider that a loss. Learn from it, and Try Again.

You can only get better at learning to be around other people, once you’re finally okay with yourself.