Profile P Ub
Published in

Profile P Ub

I’m Removing “Binge” From My Vernacular

It’s What’s Wrong With Us

A colorful drawing of a fat person in a red and white striped shirt sitting on a couch blissfully engaged in eating a box of chocolates. Chocolate is all over their face and hands.
“Binge” Image by Profile P on Medium.com

Noun: a period of excessive indulgence in an activity (dirty deed)

I cringe when I hear Binge. It’s one of those words that personify everything that’s wrong with us. But since we aren’t able to see it’s paradoxical revelations, we should eliminate it completely from our vernacular — now.

Let’s 86 this word. Take it out back and shoot it. Heck shoot it in the front. It’s undoing us as a civilization.

BINGE/Verb/(in Action)

You get that fuzzy little thrill in your gut as you plunge yourself deep into the crevices of the sofa, ungodly-like, as the evening’s solo-conclave unfolds without certainty.

Giddiness ensues. You feel like you got away with stealing something. What was it?

It’s your soul — compromised.

Engaging in unsavory vice-like activity is the culprit for those tickly butterflies and they are the kind that deep down you know are spurred by shameful indulgence. But are you — ashamed?

Colloquial

No, instead, you and your peers parade around, boasting your dissidence. Instead, you’ve proudly come to terms by shaming your guilt and handing your vice an unmerited hall pass.

But before you continue on with your Binge-worthy affair, ask yourself — what am I really getting away with?

What is the antithesis of Binging?

Other Uses

Why it must be of the grandest of plans like going out to a club or to a party with friends, to again, possibly to engage in some unsavory activity— perhaps mass alcohol consumption? Arg! Another form of Binge. Is there no antithesis?! Are we doomed, word or not?

Target Usage: As Applied Towards TV Shows, Specifically, Episodes-Many

My precise grievance of the word is aimed specifically at television, as in the overindulgent viewing of episodes from the same television show series — because that’s where we’ve all been hit the hardest by its rhetoric in recent years.

Fine, if you feel the green light’s been given to do harm to yourself in the name of desire-less-motivation, boredom, or even a lack of self-respect through the repetitive watching of the same “well-written” television show, one after the next, likely, with no forthcoming end, only the suggestion of one.

Fine, if that’s how you wanna be but there’s no need to share the information. Nobody cares what’s been substituted on your Friday or Saturday night in exchange for not going out, nor do we feel sorry or envious of you for doing it.

If you want to do something destructive to yourself, go ahead and do it but at least have the dignity to leave everyone else out of it.

Don’t be a coy schoolgirl who waits for the teacher to leave the room before turning around to a confidante to brag about her getting to second base with the older next-door neighbor.

“Binge” is that shameless schoolgirl’s confession about her latest crush, and all the gossip and secrets she and her best friends share, wrapped in a neatly packaged excuse of a television show available for streaming or download.

Example of Usage:

So let me rephrase this one last time for those of you out there still bent on keeping the usage of this word around to its full annoyance and detriment rather than dropping it immediately as it should:

-Binging is the unabashed polishing off of the whole box of chocolates because nobody else is around to see it.

Again, ask yourself, is what we do behind closed doors harmless if no one bears witness?

Used in A Sentence:

He unapologetically Binge-ate his way through an entire box of chocolates when no one was around because he thought he could get away with it, although, everyone knew but didn’t say anything.

Well, “fat man”, I’m saying something, Congratulations. You just bought the complete promotionalized guilt-free box-set sold to you by the marketing team at your favorite network television show.

But I’m done with you Binge, good-bye. Karen, you’re next.

--

--

Publishing more of the stuff other pubs consider less desirable; like single-panel cartoons (but not limited to), jokes — a place for writers like myself who want to be able to post a funny one-liner, odd or no form format pieces (experimental), and anything wacky or humorous.

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store
Profile P

Writing the script to my shit show one article at a time. I may use affiliate and or sausage links. The end