WHEN FEAR & COURAGE MEET
During my recent trip to the US, I went to a retreat in California.
One afternoon we were in the middle of a sacred tea ceremony and mindfulness sharing circle, with about 25 people I’d just met the day before.
Two musicians who were part of the organizers were asked to play some music while we had a break and everyone sat quietly.
I happened to be sitting next to the two musicians and felt the beauty of the song they were playing.
Shortly into their playing, I had a powerful and profound experience. It was almost like I started “seeing and feeling” words bubbling up in front of me — wanting me to sing them!
My mind kicked into action: “Um, no! No one asked YOU to sing” I thought.
And “OMG, I can’t just sing — we’re sitting in silence! I can’t just disturb all these people.”
All kinds of fears ran through my mind and my body, as I resisted the growing pressure. I could feel my resistance in my body and throat. Part of me just hoped this feeling would pass.
But it didn’t.
Then I started to wonder if I should ask permission by somehow catching the eye of the organizer.
I was slightly panicking… if I did somehow have the courage to just start singing, I really had NO idea what would actually happen or what would come out, if I opened my mouth!
I kept taking deep breaths to calm my nerves.
I was terrified.
I had no preparation.
No idea what I was going to do…
The musicians kept playing and the tension I felt kept building, stronger and STRONGER, building to such an intense pressure inside my body, that I literally felt I was going to explode if I didn’t let release the energy…
And sing.
After a few minutes of this inner turmoil… I could hear the song coming to a close, and I could feel the fear to sing, and need to sing coming to meet.
Coming to a head.
Which one would win?
Fear or Courage?
It was now… or never and then sit with this intensity for the rest of the afternoon… and only me knowing what might have been.
So I closed my eyes… and mentally “stepped aside” taking all my fears with me.
Physically shakingly and emotionally uncertain…
I surrendered to the moment and trusting in my lifetime love affair with music and singing, and I opened my mouth and started to sing…
I had my eyes closed for the entire 5 minutes!!!
Singing the next word that came to my heart…
I love this song.
For what it represents.
And for how it makes me feel.
And for the memory of this moment that will forever be with me.
Reminding me that when I trust, magic can happen!
I trust you feel some of the Spirit and love that moved through me that day while listening to this song.
With love,
Jacqueline
XO
PS: This was first published on Facebook titled: When Music and Magic Meet!
