7 days of sharing my life vividly with 1044 whatsapp contacts

This started on a whim. A close friend was home and he told me that he had started sharing quotes with his whatsapp contacts. He was himself surprised at the kind of conversations he generated from people he barely knew on his whatsapp contact list. I was inspired. I told him, I want to share my life with people on my list.

I was clear that my intention was to share my life vividly. To be vulnerable and to go beyond my fears of people judging me. I believe that me sharing about my life will give space to people to share about theirs with me or people around them. Everyday, I experience that sharing works! :)

But sharing with 1044 people, many of whom are business contacts and people I barely know was terrifying.

In this post, I have shared all 7 shares of mine over 11 days. Another close friend who is an artist and visual illustrator was kind enough to make 7 illustrations on each of my shares. It was an overwhelming and beautiful experience.

At the end of my 7 shares, you will find some responses from what people wrote back and some satistics that suprised me.

Day 1

I am writing to you today to share my life and what I am discovering about myself. I will write to you for the next seven days. A lot of people forward quotes or something motivational but I do not see people sharing about their life and what they are dealing with. I want to go beyond my fear of interacting with you and sharing about my life openly. I will love you to discover something about your life out of what I am sharing. Do write back if you saw something for yourself. 😃😃

Today I went swimming in the club house of my housing society and I passed a few people in my lift and I saw kids and adults near the courtyard. There are over 1000 families in my housing society and I realised that I have never taken an effort to interact with them or build a relationship with them. A friend asked me how many people have I ever interacted with in my 11 years of staying in this society and I realised that it is not more than 30. 30 people out of 1000 families!

There have been quite a few incidents in my building where a father and husband recently passed away and I did not go and talk to the family. I am hiding behind conversations like “I don’t want people to intrude in my life”, “What will people think if I talk to them”, “They will laugh and mock me behind my back” and similar kinds of conversations. I think I am a smart, intelligent and caring guy but what I am actually being is scared and selfish. Someone who is so engrossed in his own life that I sometimes do not even look up from my phone when others are with me in my lift. I distinguished that I was bullied as a kid in my school and since then I am afraid of people in general. The impact is that I am living in fear of people ganging up against me if I am discovered, so I hide as a matter of subconcious reaction without even realising that this is what I am doing.

The impact of living like this is that I am living in an imaginary bubble and also , I have no idea what my neighbours are dealing with. Also, in my life, I am generally someone who is called a “nice guy”. I am nice to be around with but I take no effort to reach out to my extended family or old friends.

I am taking on being open and charismatic for people around me. People in my building, my relatives, old friends. Even autowallahs and people I generally come across in my daily life. Simply reaching out and talking to them and finding out how they are doing in my life.

Thank you for listening to me. Expect to hear from me soon again :)

Day 2

I missed writing to you yesterday. I ended up being busy and did not make time to write to you. You may have waited for my share. I apologise and from now on, I will make sure that I enroll a friend to hold me to account and write to you for the next 5 days.

What I shared with you, I also shared with a few other people. I was moved by the messages from my friends and family. You shared your past and your experiences and it enriched me. Thank you. Some of my friends also asked me what made me share my life in such detail. Today I want to share why I share. :)

In my early teenage years, I was sexually molested by a male home tutor for a few months. As a teenage kid, I did not have any access to deal with what happened to me. I told myself that something is wrong here. I was very embarrased by what happened to me. As a boy, I was convinced that men were supposed to be strong and it was my weakness that allowed me to be molested. I rationalised that my parents will be ashamed of me if I told them about what happened to me ; they will not want me as their son. My friends will shun me and in the future girls will not like to date me. So I hid it. I became a victim and lived my life from the story that I am weak and I need to hide my weakness and this embarassment. I made a decision to never trust people again. I became sarcastic and used humor to be with people around me. I became a “cool guy” to hang around with. I became smart, had a way with words and used my charm all the way through college and my early adult life. As a young adult, I even forgot how I came to be this way. I was doing fairly well in my professional life and getting results.

Two years back, when I was participating in a training and development program, I finally spoke about it in front of nearly 100 people. I experienced freedom when I shared. I completed my past and forgave my 13 year old self. I forgave my innocent parents against whom I was harbouring anger. I forgave the home tutor. From a person who was convinced that something wrong happened and something is broken, I experienced feeling whole and complete. I let go of my past and the grip it had on me. Since that day, I have shared this with friends, family and strangers.

You may not believe me, but people, old and young, male and female have opened up to me. They have shared about their history of sexual molestation. Many of them have shared with me for the first time ever.

The intention of me sharing this with you is to not raise awareness that 52% kids in India go through some form of sexual molestation. No. I am sharing with an intention to open up for you what opened up for me. Everytime, I share about this incident, I am vulnerable and naked. Out of sharing this with people, I am clear that only by me sharing about my humanity and my vulnerability, will I be the space in which people will share with me about their life and what they are dealing with. They may alter their occuring of their past as I have altered mine. My past has become my best tool to be able to serve and contribute in your life. It is my priviledge to share with you about my life. I thank you for reading this and being a part of my life.😃😃

Day 3:

What I shared in the last three days with you, I also shared with 1044 people via broadcast. If you do not wish to recieve my shares , please communicate that to me. I also apologise if what I shared triggered you in any way. That is not my intention. All of you who wrote back, thank you. You have enriched my life even though I have not made time to reply to your beautiful messages.

I am working on a tech (mobile and web) idea in the fashion and beauty space. To build this I need a team of people who are driven and passionate about what they do in business, tech and design. Earlier this month I was sitting in front of my laptop looking at the number of people I had spoken to in the last three weeks. I counted that I had spoken to over 80 people over phone. I had gone through over 700 profiles of potential candidates and connected with nearly 200 people over email or social media. I went through all the emails where people wrote back saying that while they would love to join an early stage startup, they are not in a position to do so now. I replayed all the phone calls in my head. Hours of convincing and hard selling my idea. My partner used to ask me when will we get the team in place and I used to give him a date and then postpone. In my head I was telling myself, I have no clue what I need to do to get a team in place.

I was experiencing feeling lost and frustrated. I was hiding and avoiding talking about this with my partner as much as I could. I was raked with doubt.

I distinguished that i was being someone who is incapable and I was resisting being that. I covered up by working doubly hard and hard selling myself.

I would have continued making so many calls and I would have continued hard selling to potential team members.

I discovered that what was missing as a way of being that made a real difference was being someone who is accommodating and someone who is okay with not knowing how to do everything. Since then I have shared openly on calls what I was dealing with and my complete product idea including sharing my sketches. I took on asking for support.

Today I have a passionate team in place. We made live our first launch page a few hours back.

What I have created is the possibility of velocity in the area of my startup.

Thank you for reading this. I would love to hear from you about your stories. I am sending this after midnight but I wanted to share this with you today. ☺☺

(you can find us at www.chisle.co )

Day 4:

“Good evening. I again missed writing my share yesterday. Being regular in all aspects of my life is something I am working on. I will however ensure that I finish my seven shares by Friday. Tomorrow or day after I will share twice. :)

My fourth share is related to how I relate to people in my lives. All my shares including this one is about how human beings are designed and what has opened up for me out of distinguishing how my own machinery is designed.

I participated in a training and development program called landmark worldwide when I was 23 years old. On the first day of the program, there is a distinction called as the “already always listening”. This distinction looks at how we relate to people around us through filters. While I was engaging in this distinction, I got present that for many years, I have been looking at my dad through a filter.

When my father used to come home from office, I used to recognise his arrival by the way he used to ring the doorbell. As soon as I heard the doorbell, I used to get up from wherever I was and go sit in front of my laptop and put on my headphones. I used to start wondering if he will point out something I did not do today. I had a lot of reasons to relate to my dad in this way. Right since I was a kid, my dad was someone who was always on time, never took a leave from office and a stickler for discipline. When I got 98/100 in maths in my 12th std, the first question my dad asked me was “where did the 2 marks go?”. I knew my dad loved me , however, I had 100s of reasons to prove that my dad was someone who wanted to prove me wrong in everything I did. My friends also related to their fathers in similar ways. So I was clear that this is how a child-parent relationship. A relationship of authority.

But on that 1st day of the landmark forum, I started enquiring into the impact that my views about my dad had on my relationship with him. I realised that while there was love and respect, there was a barrier in how I related to my dad. I realised that I had harboured anger and had a persistent complaint about my dad that “he does not listen to me or understand me”. That day, I got present to my point of view about him and I realised that it was a point of view that I had created. My dad was not like that.

Once I got present to my point of view, I also got present that my dad was successful in his career, he took multiple risks, he was well respected in his family, he was a decent sportsman and a good singer. He was so much more than what I was reducing him to — “Someone who doesnt listen to me and proves me wrong”.

Every single night my dad used to come in and check up on my bro and me. He made sure that we are completely taken care of in everything we did. He never gave up on us or anyone else in his life. We never had to worry about money or fees or anything else as a kid because my dad made sure we were always financially sound.

Once I was able to see beyond my point of view, my father transformed in my eyes from someone who was a disciplinarian to someone who was a middle aged man with immense love for his kids. Someone who has always been responsible for himself and people in his life. Our relationship expanded in the way we communicated since that day. Me or my father has not changed and we still fight, we still have misunderstandings however my ability to relate to him has powerfully expanded. I am clear about the contribution he has made in my life and continues to do so.

Since then, I keep getting present to how I relate to people in my life. I keep giving up my judgement and point of view about people. It constantly comes back because that is how I am designed. I train myself to catch when people become good/bad, capable/incapable, right/wrong, smart/dumb etc. etc in my view. I keep dropping my point of views and relate to them not as the past teaches me they are but the possibility they can be coming from the future. If you ever find me relating to you from your past, please hold me to account and remind me of this share.

Thank you for reading and sharing in my life. 😃😃

Day 5:

This is my 5th share and something I experienced today very powerfully for myself.

When it comes to causing results in my life, I get attached to the end goal. To cover up my attachment, I start listening to motivational songs/speeches/videos. I start talking or explaining my point of view over and over again. I hide behind big words and my language. Actually, I am just afraid of failing and looking bad. I am afraid of people not liking me.

The impact on me is that I frequently miss causing the results I set out to cause. The impact on people around me is that they get drained and confused by my language.

What is missing is commitment and contributing to people by achieving what I said I will do.

What is possible for me now is to hold myself and others to account when results are not caused. To be straight and to the point with myself and people around me.

If you see me going around in circles with my language. Stop me and point this out.

Day 6:

Good morning! 😃

I procrastinated yesterday and what stopped me was pressure of performing. Yesterday, me sharing with you became all about me and I was in conversations like if my shares are good enough or interesting enough. I wanted to quit sharing and not complete this project. Too much pressure and too many demands!

Last night, my friend who holds me accountable to complete my seven shares got me present to this pattern of mine.

Whenever someone makes a demand from me it becomes about me. I experience being cornered and alone. I cover it up by being angry at the person who made the demand and make them feel guilty of demanding of me. I have been doing this with my parents for years and recently I also did this with a close friend who made a personal demand a couple of days back. This impacts my relationships specially with people who are family , very close friends and romantic relationships.

What I distinguished is that this behavior of mine is usually subconscious and reactive. I react this way because I am afraid of letting people down specially those who I love and who make a demand of me. When I looked back into my past, I realised that the disappointment I felt for myself and my parents when I used to score less in my early school exams is when I started reacting to demands in this way.

Distinguishing this behavior of mine has given me freedom to be with demands and be able to take it up or not without making myself or the person wrong.

How do you react to demands made by people in your life?

Day 7:

This is my last share on my seven day journey. Today is the 11th day and my 7th share.

It all started off with a 10 minute conversation with a close friend of mine that inspired me to do this.

Everytime I shared I put myself and my reputation at risk. I went beyond my fear and I acknowledge myself for doing this. I have been overwhelmed by the responses I have recieved, many which I have not been able to reply to. So many friends, family and acquaintances shared their lives vividly with me. I am moved and inspired by all the sharing that has come my way. Thank you for being who you are — a committed, kind and a patient listener. You contributed to my life and enriched me by allowing me to share and sometimes replying to me. Thank you.

I am taking on doing 7 day personal projects that push me beyond my comfort zone and taking risks. I’m clear that beyond our comfort zone lies miracles and magic.

A close friend has taken on creating art for each of my shares. I will compile a blog post with her art and share it as a blog soon.

In the last eleven days, I went and spoke to the family in my building who was dealing with death. I started a conversation around child sexual abuse with my wider family. I have started sharing my life with my team in my company and a couple of them have started sharing their lives with me. I have completed with a friend who I was looking at through a filter. I took a mini vacation this week with my friends inside of my commitment to cause results in every relationship in my life. I have taken on asking everyone in my life to demand from me and to deliver on their demands.

Transformation happens in sharing. I love you. Thank you for listening to me.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — -

My biggest fear was that people will treat this as spam and probably send a few abuses my way. I was proved wrong and how! 152 out of my 1044 people on my list messaged back in one way or the other- some, multiple times. 10 people requested to be deleted from my list. Out of these 10 , only 1 was a strong rebuke. I was humbled and realised how small and crummy it was of me to think in this way. Then again, that is what fear does to us. It distorts our sense of reality and stops us from relating to people for who they really are — outstanding and filled with love and empathy.

Some questioned as to why I took up sharing about my life and my past. However, most of the messages moved and inspired me. An old school friend shared about an incident that happened during his late school days. He also shared about how instead of turning a blind eye to things, he will take up doing what he feels is right even at the cost of embarassment. Another colleague shared about his own past and how therapy helped him heal. A friend shared about his experience and a cause on Child sexual abuse that he supports. A 21 year old shared that he had given up being unreasonable with himself and he took on being ruthless with his projects no matter the circumstances. A woman shared about how she overcame her body image while belly dancing and is now the most favourite belly dancer in class. Someone emailed me a couple of days back and informed that he started an empanthy club in Mumbai http://www.meetup.com/Empathy-Circle-Mumbai/

These are a gist of just a few messages. Many others were more personal in nature and it moved me by how vivid they were.

This was a long post. Thank you for reading till the end. I hope you will take up sharing your life with people around you. I had no idea how grateful and fulfilling this experience will be to me.

Note: Special thanks to Ramanuj Mukherjee for inspiring me to start this project and Ankita Shinde for these beautiful illustrations. You can see more of her work at www.ankitashinde.com

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