Dissatisfaction and Survival

This post is about my experiences and my learnings about how the human mind is designed.

The other day, I was sitting in my office, it was evening, my office is poorly lit because of a bit of construction work going on and I was wondering how to solve the inital problems of my startup. I had been feeling dissatisfied the whole day and was experiencing a gnawing feeling of uncertainity at the pit of my stomach.

I leaned back in my chair and was reflecting on all the worries that I was currently dealing with. My mind wandered and I started thinking about conversations I had been having the past few days with friends, colleagues and family.

What came up over and over again was this constant thread of dissatisfaction irrespective of what they were doing in my life. Some were unhappy about not being in a relationship, others were unhappy with their relationships, most were unhappy about their jobs irrespective of the money they earned or the work they did.

What was common in all those conversations were this talk about the destination. “I don’t think I will be happy till I find the woman of my dreams”. “My life sucks! I cannot wait do a startup”. “I am so dissatisfied, I have been working so hard on that project and cannot believe I haven’t got a promotion yet. When will it happen?”. “I only wish my son listened to me”. “I see all these friends of mine travelling, when will I do it? I feel so stuck here”…You get the drift.

What really hit me is that everyone really believed that going somewhere someday oneday was going to bring satisfaction, contentment and peace. Their truth and mine about happiness and the quality of life was reaching somewhere, once reached shall we be happy.

I looked back on my life and all my life was about was doing a startup, making my parents happy, earning some money, going some place, getting that recognition, getting that respect, fixing my relationship. Everything was about the next thing, always.

I told myself, I am there. Then why this persistent feeling of dissatisfaction. I realised that this feeling is what helps me survive. This overwhelming need for the next destination is what has bought some success and some accomplishment. I realised I am a junkie for feeling good. I am constantly running behind feeling a sense of accomplishment and once there it will always be about the next thing.

This hit me hard. I was amazed at this pattern that comes from our basic instinct to survive but it comes at a cost. The cost is my ability to appreciate people around me. Their commitment and love towards me. I realised that being satisfied is a declarative statement. It is not a feeling. Feelings are fleeting and outside of my control. I cannot take charge of my brain throwing out thoughts and feelings but I can take charge by telling my brain “thank you for that thought. I am satisfied and I am going to be here fully with this person” “thank you for reminding me about the next thing and I am going to do this now with everything I have got”.

The result has been phenomenal. Where once I jumped at making a point or constantly running behind random thoughts and ideas, I am now able to calmly be with anyone in my life and listen. Just listen to their world and their life. I was amazed at how little I used to listen. The result has been that I have experienced feeling loved and cared for by people around me.

This declaration of being satisfied with where I am , who I am with and what I am doing has resulted in me taking up many more projects than I previously had. My overall productivity and empathy has gone up. My ability to deal with any situation has improved.

I have come to realise that I can program my brain to be satisfied and it doesn’t take away my hunger to perform or produce results. Infact, it enhances it.

I wanted to share this with the intention that maybe, you the reader might discover something about your life that might contribute towards a richer existence, a created existence instead of a default one. Thank you for reading this.