Jan 1
Let 2023 Be The Year Of Reclaiming You
Inspired by Savannah Worley who wrote “Reclaiming My Name.”
Years ago I wrote an essay called Dance Naked about dancing in the shower and embracing your body. All the parts of your body. They watered it down because it talked about masturbation, so I am going to reiterate some of the same thoughts here.
My body is covered in scars. Some are stretch marks, others are war wounds from fighting for my life, and others are mere reminders that I survived being sexually abused. Self-harm wasn’t a phrase they used when I was growing up. The adults I mean.
I didn’t know it was a thing, I just know that I was very out of my element when it came to walking on my own two feet because I was still growing and because I was constantly being sexualized at school and at church, so I was always too overwhelmed to watch where I was walking.
My body was often used as a weapon against me by abusive men who thought and continue to think that I owe something to them, for my existence. Men who decided a long time ago to make me their victim because they were afraid of what would happen if they didn’t. I can tell you what would have happened, they wouldn’t have turned into rapists and pedophiles.
Now I’m here and I have this body that’s kind of chubby but mostly adorable, and kind of scarred but mostly beautiful, and I am starting to realize how underappreciated my body has been.
Each scar is a reminder of someone trying and failing to convince me to end my own life, or that my life wasn’t worth living, and is Proof positive that I survived shit I shouldn’t have had to survive, to be here to tell you, it’s going to be okay. Someone will love you and that person should be yourself.
Every single day there is media out there in the world telling us what’s beautiful, but now in 2023, we have the chance to decide for ourselves what is beautiful by sharing ourselves with the world. We have the chance to make the world pay attention to all body types and I’m excited about that possibility and for the chance to participate myself.
When you look at your body ask yourself what you see. Think about all the shit you’ve had to crawl through to get where you are.
Are you happy where you are?
What would make you happy?
What small goals can you achieve toward your ultimate greatest happiest self?
These are the questions I think a lot about and right now there’s not much I can do because I’m fairly happy with my life. I mean I have stresses and I’m facing some challenges, but I suspect that I’ll work my way through them, hopefully by working hard to make sure I accomplish the goals I need to.
I hope this year to become more appreciative of the body that got me this far by being healthier, both in what I eat and what I do with my body.
I want when you look at your body, to see more than something used for sexual pleasure. I want when you look at your body to see a hero, a warrior, or a queen.
A diamond, working on becoming the shiniest diamond in the cosmos. I want you to see more than fat boobs and rolls on your stomach or back.
I want you to see a body that brought you through space and time to the place where you could look at your own body and say “wow.”
Everyone deserves to feel loved and pleasured, but our bodies are so much more than that. They are our lungs, liver, and tongue, they are our eyes, hair, and brain. We are complete as we are, and if we want to change we can make space to work for it, but we should never be ashamed of what we look like because what we look like won’t last forever. But who we are? That’s eternal.
Sending all my love,
Devon J Hall, The Loud Mouth Brown Girl
If you would like to read more from Devon J Hall, check them out in the following publications. If you’d like to help keep Devon’s content free forever, you can help out by donating or sharing at this link.
