You Have To Ask For What You Want In Your Relationship To Get It

Your partner isn’t a mind reader.

Demeter V Delune
Somewhat Sinful

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Photo by Ayo Ogunseinde on Unsplash

The Rolling Stones have been telling us for decades, we can’t always get what we want, but I am here to tell you, you definitely can’t if you don’t tell folks what you need. The other side to that coin is, even when you do, you still may not. I know, it sucks to think if you take the time to communicate effectively with a partner, your boss, a friend, whoever…they still may not be willing or able to do whatever it is that you need them to do.

As has become a fairly regular occurrence at work, someone was confiding in me at lunch the other day that their partner of 10 years isn’t giving them what they need in their relationship. Being the coach and “fixer” that I am, I couldn’t just sit there and only nod and empathize, I had to dig in some, and ask questions.

The main issue between the two of them boils down to communication, as it seems to for most couples. In their case, she does a decent job saying what she needs, in some instances, but he listens to respond, not to actually hear what she’s saying. He is a “one-upper”, which would drive me bat shit insane.

When she comes home from work and wants to talk about her day, he immediately has to tell her how much worse his day was. I asked how she responds…

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Demeter V Delune
Somewhat Sinful

S*x educator, Freelance Writer for hire, Journalist. Words in Passionfruit, Pleaser, MamaMia, Giddy, Petit Mort, Daily Dot, Your Tango| demeterdelune.com