My Personal Journey through the 14-day Stay-Home-Notice
With the above rule in place, I was two minds about returning home. It had been daily soaking in of the picturesque landscapes and deep breaths of fresh, crisp air that I want to continue to busk in. But I had overstayed my intended visit of two and a half weeks to two months (when Singapore Airlines cancelled my original flight with no further announcement on when the next flight will be) and it just felt like it was the right time to return home.
Airport Experience
The drive to Zurich airport two weeks ago was one with uncertainty and curiosity. The feeling of uncertainty is mainly due to not knowing when my fiancé and I will be able to meet again. On the other hand, I am curious to see the situation at the airport and the flight experience back is like since the coronavirus crippled the airline industry, amongst others.
A touch of quiet sadness crept in but mostly it was bewilderment as we entered the almost empty airport. I certainly will never witness a scene like this ever again, or I hope.
With travel restrictions and overall economic development growing dimmer and dimmer each day, industry leaders are forecasting a 48% decrease in demand compared to 2019, this translates to half the revenues are disappearing. Within months, all these infrastructures, personnel, services painstakingly put in place carefully over decades to support this industry, came to a standstill. Most of these resources no longer needed for the moment, but still, there are basic resources required to maintain them. If we start to think also the interdependencies (tourism, oil, etc) on the airline industry… *gosh* the implications and impact are surmountable. And we haven’t even started thinking about the emotional impacts!
Flying Experience
As I was checking in, I was informed that I will be the only passenger on the flight. Another first. One I am not sure if I should be delighted about, although I admittedly was.
The flight back was without drama really. I’m usually a low-maintenance passenger, so long as I get uninterrupted KrisWorld entertainment, I’m like a happy and quiet child with her iPad and candies. But the crew did not let up their renowned service standards, they constantly came over to check on me. “Are you ok, mdm?”, “Need more snacks?”, “Water?”, “What time would you like us to serve your meal?”... I felt very pampered, almost important, but also conflicted because, on the other side of my brain, I didn’t think this is an appropriate time to feel privileged. I could either enjoy it or feel guilty about it.
This may be a good time to extend this question to you, reader, if you are in a privileged position where you are still healthy, holding securely to your job, may, in fact, work less for the same money, able to spend more time with your family and kids which you have never been able to, choose to feel blessed or guilty? This is not a trick question, ok! But observing your answer may be a good reflection of your current state of mind or being, and trigger further thoughts or actions.
I’m no less impressed upon touching down. There were at least 3 temperature scanning machines armed with vigilant staff along my walk from the gate to the baggage belts. The air is somewhat sombre, could be because it’s 530am, with one or two shy smiles on their eyes, as I made eye contact. I’m not sure how long they have been sitting there and how much screen time can you clocked before one gets bored or tired. I secretly wish there was something I can do to lighten their moods but the seriousness of the place made me sentient and I continued walking on silently without greeting them.
The new customs clearance was like a well-oiled machine by now, everyone at the airport had a role to play and they were very clear of their own responsibilities. I can only be faster in getting out if I start sprinting.
From Airport to Hotel
Half expecting to be tested, I was pleasantly surprised that they didn’t (cos I heard uncomfortable stories of being swabbed in the nostrils and it can be quite painful) and was immediately escorted to a private car where I was ferried off to the hotel with an officer and the driver. No one uttered a word in the car, I didn’t even dare ask which hotel I was going.
Here I am, assigned a ‘room’ which I cannot leave for the next 14 days.
Instructions to live
I was given two documents: one from the hotel and another from Immigration Customs Authority (ICA). One detailing what was expected from me in the next 14 days from trash clearing to towels & linen changing to food delivery times. We were given bottled water, two espresso pods and two tea bags daily. Basic essentials all in place. The other from ICA which I didn’t read properly ;P
I was also asked to add the hotel number on my phone when I checked in so I can receive broadcast messages throughout my stay. *Clapping my hand once* I’m all set for the next 14 days!
Food
You may be wondering what I ate and who paid for them. Just so we clear this up once and for all. The Singapore government provided lodging and all the meals throughout all 14 days. We were given choices a few days ahead via a Google form, notified via broadcast messages on a WA group chat.
Wellness Team
I was pretty impressed when I heard that a Wellness Team was set up especially for quarantined guests. They took efforts to host contests like creative towel folding, which I swear I’d normally not be interested but since I was in quarantine, I thought why not have some fun. I even got my colleague quite excited too!
To name a few, the Wellness Team gave me daily calls to check in on how I am feeling, brought snacks, DIY facial mask and Netflix suggestions!
Support from Loved Ones
I didn’t think much of the SHN really, but I kept on receiving messages from loved ones checking on how I am. It is indeed a blessed time, to have family and friends making food drops at the hotel with my favourite food or answering my craving calls and sending flowers and fruits through delivery services.
If you are reading this, know that I love you as much as you love me!
A Special Time of Reflection
These two weeks have opened up space and time to reflect. A few things opened up for me: especially on my indifference towards the pandemic since January. I mean, obviously I am flesh and bone with emotions, but I can't help wonder over and over again why I am not jumping off my chair trying to help or feeling exasperated by what is happening around the world.
In my reflection over the last few days, I gained two awareness:
First Awareness
I was imprisoned. I started crying for some reason, the realization and grieving my loss of freedom, in some ways, that was freeing. Because for the last 2 weeks, all I kept saying to myself and whoever checks in on me that “I am fine.”, “This is great!.”, “Lotsa me-time.”, “Free lodging and food.”. Except it wasn’t, at least at its core. It worked for a while but in the last few days, this coping mechanism started breaking, that defence was wearing thin. Yes, the room is great, it was packed with many distractions like free meals, clean towels, king-sized bed, all-day AC, free wifi ( I can even cast my videos to the TV!), the caring Wellness Team, but if you take all that away, then it’s crystal clear and stark.
Some questions I observed and asked myself:
- Oh, I’m feeling kinda down.
- Ok, do I want to do something about it?
- Yes, I’d like to sit with this emotion of sadness for a while. [Taking however much time I want]
- What are you (sadness) trying to tell me?
Oops, I hope I don’t sound like some crazy person, but wanted to breakdown the inner conversations here with you.
The event: I travelled to Switzerland.
The result: I have to serve 14-day Stay-Home-Notice at dedicated facilities.
My declaration: I am sad that my freedom was taken away from me.
My actions: I understand why I did not choose to do this. I will grieve my loss, then I will move on.
Don’t get me wrong, I don't mean to be dramatic about this, neither am I complaining, but I wanted to share the process of how my emotions are unfolding awareness for me. Because if I didn’t, I could continue living with oblivion, then I would not be able to process this loss and it may become stuck in my psyche. It may affect the way I view travel in future or the way I assess my government or myself. It could go in many ways. We all have our process of course.
When was the last time you gave yourself time to unpack things that happened to you in life? What are your emotions trying to tell you?
Second Awareness
My coping mechanism during this pandemic (dates back to January when it broke in Singapore) and SHN period was INDIFFERENCE, my narrative was generally “I do not want to know.”. If I do not know then I don’t have to deal with it.
Other coping mechanisms that I came to find out are:
- DISTRACTION — “I do not seek to understand.”
- BLAME — “I do not want to be responsible.”
How about you? What is your main coping mechanism? How about those around you?
It was a rather enlightening moment for me to gain that perspective. For me, I finally got the answer to why I am not particularly affected by the pandemic emotionally. But it is now for me to continue unpacking what this pandemic of shared suffering and sacrifice means for me.
What is the new normal for me personally and for the people around me? What do I want to find out about what is happening in this world and how will that impact the way I live and treat people? Is there anything I want to do in my capacity?
Many questions ringing…
Today marks the last day of my 14-day SHN. I was asked to document my journey at the beginning and I initially had the idea that I could do this with lightness, which I kinda did via SomiaCX IG story.
But this morning, for some reason, I felt compelled to share my journey in a different way; one that is more reflective, one that speaks from my heart, one which I hope will help you gain new perspectives or at least curious enough to find out more.
Quoting an article from The Guardian that ended with, “Let us remember the war, but let us not remember it simplistically but in all its complexity.”.
I tweaked it for me…
“Let me remember this pandemic, but let me not remember it simplistically but in all its complexity.”.
