Save Yourself First
If you’re not okay, they’re not okay.
For most of my life I convinced myself that if everyone around me was happy then I was happy. I told myself that seeing others happy and fulfilled was what mattered most to me. That is how I derived my joy and contentment with existence. It didn’t matter what I truly wanted or what I really needed, and honestly I never even stopped to hear. My voice was stifled. I was forsaking the person who mattered most in my world — me.
It’s weird how engrained in some of us is the belief that our wants, needs, desires and happiness take a back seat to everyone and everything else. We put ourselves at the bottom of the to-do-list. You know, the part of the list that we never get to; the items that get carried over from day-to-day. The part way down with the non-essential items like hand scrubbing the floors or painting the closet.
The mental inculcation that you are okay as long as everyone around you is happy is simply bull$hit. Everyone is receiving a subjugated imposter of you. You think you have your life under control when actually your life is controlling you. You’re afraid to speak up and you have no idea what you really want and need. Quite frankly, you don’t even know yourself well enough to be able to know. Your voice is non-existent. You’ve communicated “I’m not important,” the ongoing message to yourself is “I don’t matter.”
If you are not a priority to yourself then don’t expect anyone else to make you one. As outlined in the link above, you train others how to treat you by how you treat yourself; family, kids and significant other included.
The truth is if you’re not happy, everyone else’s happiness is not real. It’s based on what your imposter wants; not you. It’s all built on a façade. They haven’t had the privilege of experiencing the real you. They have not had the opportunity to choose their way of being and responses based on who you really are. You are depriving them.
It’s like the flight attendant says in the preflight safety instructions: “If you are travelling with a child or someone who requires assistance, secure your mask on first, and then assist the other person.” If you take care of yourself first then you can better assist others. If you take care of yourself first everyone wins.
What do you want?
What do you need?
What matters most to you?
Honor them by honoring yourself first. If you are authentically happy and fulfilled then it will benefit everyone around you. You cannot control the terms of others happiness; it’s not your responsibility and it’s not fair to them. Being an inauthentic version of yourself to please others doesn’t work. You are suffering, whether you realize it or not, and it will catch up with you.
Choose to understand, know and be yourself; in doing so you will give others the freedom to be the freest, fullest version of themselves. Then everyone can be happy together…or maybe happy apart; but either way everyone involved gets to make an unbiased, genuine choice. And the best part is you are the recipient of a fulfilled, happy, whole version of yourself that is in internal integrity and alignment. Your internal happiness will radiate externally, affecting relationships, people and your life circumstances.
When you’re happy, healthy and thriving everything else falls inline exactly as it should be.