Don’t Let Anger Get the Better of You
In the initial days of separation, I was consumed with rage. I lashed out at my loved ones through heated arguments.
I was hurt and didn’t know how to deal with it… I began building walls of self-preservation.
To avoid further pain, I took solace in astrologers, psychologists, friends, and excessive work… Little did I realize that I was actually preventing myself from experiencing life, and the pain that accompanies it.
This was not the real me — it was my egoistic self at work, with no clarity of vision…leaning on external support to fight battles that needed to be fought from within.
Reacting with harsh words and aimless acts brought temporary happiness... Deep down I was miserable.
To top it all, I was shallowly concerned about the external world, and my so-called ‘image in society’…worried about what ‘friends and family would say.’
I tried to make people around me happy, not paying attention to what was essential for my survival and growth… More importantly, I didn’t see the situation from the perspective of my daughter’s well-being and happiness.
My behavior was beginning to cause more damage to my daughter than the separation itself. My anger and vengeful behavior led to feelings of rage in her too. She was now just not angry with her mother for leaving, but also angry with me…
But my mind moved in circles, tormenting me with memories from the past. To believe it was the end of a marriage was difficult… This led to immense anxiety and anger within me.
When in a dark place, you seldom realize how futile your actions are. The poison of hatred consumes you, and you see little else.
I had to find tools of transformation quickly, before I caused further damage to my loved ones and myself.
I decided to take stock of my monstrous emotions, or else the domino effect would consume me and those around me…
I soon made conscious steps to take charge of my anger, and today I feel much calmer while dealing with situations.
These were some of the steps I took…
1. Yoga, meditation and regular exercise became tools of transformation. Daily practice of these three automatically brought calm to my mind. Also, lifestyle changes like regulated sleep hours, and reduced consumption of TV shows and entertainment, made my mind more peaceful. Giving up the intake of alcohol and unhealthy foods played a big role in transforming my thoughts too…and gave me the necessary quiet to view situations with greater clarity.
2. Actions and sensible conscious living are important. Once you approach everything with awareness and clarity, our actions become more sensible and result in more positive outcomes for all. When I realized it was not just about how I felt, but also important to consider the other, I became more conscious about my behaviour and its impact on others.
3. Forgiveness results from a feeling of grace and gratitude. I no longer began to hold the other accountable for what had happened to my life. I took the positives and lessons from the past, and let go of the bitterness. This led to a feeling of liberation and gratitude, which ultimately led to me feeling much lighter, and helped me move on from the situation easily.
4. Responsibility emerged when I ceased to be reactionary. As you stop reacting and blaming another for the situation, your response to life situations improves… You can now look at situations objectively and think of solutions instead. When my reactions no longer enslaved me, I could then respond to any situation more accurately. This led to events happening more smoothly in my life.
5. Take time out for important decision-making. You may seek help in support groups, friends, family, and entertainment, but these create a false sense of security and freedom. Finally, all answers will come from within you. Hence, it’s essential to take time out to introspect and listen to that quiet voice within. When I took time out from family, social commitments and work — to know what I wanted out of life — I made more conscious choices, and could see things from different perspectives.
We often react to situations based on our limited knowledge. It is this feeling of inadequacy that overwhelms us, making us insecure and angry. But if we decide to operate from a space of awareness — knowing that you will never know everything completely — you will let go of your ego, feel a greater sense of compassion, and keep everyone’s well-being at the center of your actions.
After much work on myself, I now realize that the war was never with others, but with myself — my mind, emotions, and limited intelligence. While I still have a long way to go, I have begun to feel a great sense of peace and freedom — freedom from the mind, and from consuming anger. I have instead gained the freedom to respond to situations from a space of calm awareness.
Separation may have left you bitter and angry, but don’t let it consume you … Instead, look within and see how you can use the situation to transform yourself.
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