Are We Making the Right Decisions for Our Children?
Dear Friends,
Today I share with you my topmost concern as a parent – How do I make better decisions for my child?
This is a thought that occupies my mind all the time – And, it happens with every small and big decision that I have to make for my daughter… It could be about joining a hobby class, or a big decision like understanding the efficacy of her school…
I’m constantly questioning myself if I’m making the right choices for her.
As parents, our own set of memories and experiences often color our decision-making… For instance, if we didn’t like something as children, like playing a sport or music, we think our child may not like it too.
So, often we are subconsciously making decisions based on what has not worked for us, rather than what may work for the child.
But every child comes with his or her own set of talents…those they can explore and nurture if we do not put any of our subconscious barriers on their path.
Thus, relying on our past memory and experience to make a decision for them is a common error in parenting.
How then do we make decisions for the child?
Do we put the onus on the child? Ask them what interests them, and expect them to make a decision at that young age?
Are they even knowledgeable enough to make the right decisions for themselves? And, as guardians, isn’t it our job to put things in better perspective for them?
Now that my child has grown up more and expresses herself, I often consult her before making any decision. I try to present the pros and cons to her, and rationally explain my viewpoint, while listening to her.
In her early years, decisions were often influenced by peer pressure, like the choice of school, or the activities she took part in.
If a set of parents sent their children to some class, we would sign up for our child too, without thinking if it was really good and aligned to her interests.
Now there is more awareness… I assess options, and then wait to understand if it works well for her… I don’t jump and sign her up for any activities.
As children grow, it becomes important to factor in their unique personality… and involve them more in the decision, so that they don’t blame you for it later on in life.
This can only happen when we develop new ways of thinking… And let go of previous memories and experiences, but, instead, embrace the present moment as it is.
For me this happens after yoga and meditation. The voices in my head die down and my intuition is activated… I can then see situations more clearly without any prior bias.
I want my child to live more consciously as well…without being programmed to believe that she ‘has to’ do or ‘not do’ certain things.
My daughter often sleeps over her decisions, and gives me the answer the next day… It’s a good approach, not driven by emotion and compulsion…a tool she can use later in life too when she makes bigger decisions.
Perhaps, then we need to simply practice what our children teach us unconsciously, about life and decision-making…
Perhaps we need to also work in tandem with their needs – rather than dip into our own limited range of knowledge and experience.
Our primary role then as parents is to merely provide the space and opportunity for them to blossom, and give them all the encouragement they need.
It is in our hands to build the next generation, let’s do it consciously, let’s do it with awareness.
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