How to Cope with Your Child’s Meltdowns

In the month of October, families in India get ready for the annual Diwali celebrations. But, in 2020, the scenario was different — no crackers, no gifts, no family parties, and no holidays…

There was an unusual stillness and silence.

My daughter must have been holding up all her emotions, anxieties and uncertainties about the current lockdowns… At one point, she was bound to give in.

I should have seen it coming, but perhaps the whole situation was new to me too.

So, when she woke me up in the middle of the night, and started bawling away, I couldn’t fathom what it was, and neither could she.

She was inconsolable, and mumbled to me that she didn’t know what she was feeling. She was trying to articulate herself, but cried more instead.

The lockdown had finally taken its toll.

With no physical school to go to, no outdoor sports like tennis, basketball and swimming, her energies were unspent and her ability to fully express herself was stifled.

We do yoga at home together, which helps channelize her energies. But, being an outdoorsy type, she enjoys interacting with other children and going out, which got restricted during the lockdown.

Even a festival like Diwali was a lukewarm celebration last year. We didn’t have family and friends over as in the past.

Plus, with everything going online and screen time increasing, the anxiety only built up… A breakdown was inevitable, and that night, her tears flowed like a river.

As a parent, I was initially taken aback, but soon I got a grip of the situation, and took her out for a walk. She needed to breathe some fresh air and settle down.

I’m sure this is not my story alone.

Many parents may have witnessed sudden bouts of crying, temper tantrums or uncontrollable rage in their children during the lockdown.

It’s an unusual time, and few of us have had coping mechanisms — be it adults or children… So emotions are released with the existing tools one has.

Yoga and meditation are effective tools to deal with anxiety of any kind.

But, schools are still not focusing on them, and continue to lay more emphasis on the curriculum.

As a parent, I have learned to take charge of such moments on my own. My first response is to let my daughter completely vent out her emotions, and not stop the release.

This is sometimes followed by chanting and a short walk, to give her space to talk and share her feelings.

The occasional bit of humour also helps diffuse the situation.

After her first breakdown, I thought things were under control, but then it happened again the next day… She was unable to sleep well, and kept waking up.

We went through the drill again — Slow breathing, a short walk, some chanting, followed by an open and attentive conversation.

I realised she was also missing her mom, as she was unable to visit her much due to the lockdown. She spoke to her mom on the phone and felt better…but I knew she needed a break.

The next day, we packed our bags, and drove to a nearby farm which had horse-riding and farm animals. Just being around nature helped her tremendously.

We spent two days there and had a wonderful time. My daughter interacted with other kids and experienced farm life. We spent quality time together…

The long drive with music and laughter lifted our mood.

We took our puppy along, as the hotel was pet friendly — an added delight for my daughter. She spent her time meeting new people, played with children her age, and bonded with me.

It was a much needed break for both of us. We returned from the getaway refreshed and recharged, and came back to a nice festive Diwali celebration with close friends and family.

This episode showed me a new dimension of parenting, and helped me evolve as a human being…

It made me realise that situations are not as helpless as they seem… With awareness, parents and children can tide over rough times with ease.

To sum it up, here are the five lessons I’ve learned on how to cope with a child’s emotional meltdown…

Perhaps, they could help you too in your parenting journey. And, of course, do feel free to share your own coping mechanisms in the comment box below.

1. Let them cry it out

Most of the time, children simply need to release their bottled up emotions… So let them cry, laugh, play, sing, dance or do any other activity that helps them express their emotions.

2. Instil a breathing or chanting practice

These two things can help tremendously… Just observing your inhalation and exhalation, chanting an easy mantra, or saying a positive affirmation can help kids feel more calm, centred, and confident.

3. Talk to them and listen with open ears

Even if what they say does not make sense to you, let them talk…because it makes sense to them. Listen attentively, and show them you care about what they say. Moreover, since they can’t interact as much with their friends during the lockdown, try being a friend to them too.

4. Getaway to a nearby place

If possible, take a short vacation. It will help break the routine, and expose them to a new environment. This will also give them an opportunity to be social and meet new people.

5. Let nature heal you and your child

Being with nature is an extremely soothing influence. The nervous system eases down, and the mind and body feel relaxed and restored once again. Getting the balance back will help both parent and child deal with new situations better together.

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