Celebrating Parenting
Join me in my new series where I talk to parents on the highs and lows of the incredible journey called parenting!
My journey as a father has been a journey of self-discovery. As I explored facets of my personality, and introspected on life, I realised I had to express myself…
With that was born SoulDads, a blog publication where I share my stories of learning and growing as a single parent. I also try to decode various parenting issues, and present my solutions to them.
My blog has helped me connect with parents across India and the world, and realise how important it is for us to become a strong support system for each other.
My recently launched webinar series Celebrating Parenting, is a space for parents to share their stories, learn and grow together.
My first interviewee was a homebaker, graphic designer and solo parent who successfully juggles many roles — Rachana Devidayal is a happy mother of two, who shuttles between India and Europe, taking care of business and family.
Here are a few excerpts from the interview… To get the whole story watch the video below.
Juggling different roles
I see my work and my children both as children, and each one gets importance as and when it’s required… My biological children will always have priority. Some days attention goes to one and not the other, but it’s fine, because that’s how it works.
My children don’t live with me, and are in boarding school and university in England… And, because they’re almost 20 and 17 years, there’s not that much of helicoptering and hovering over them. So parenting is long distance… Though I’m in touch with them every day, and address what needs to be addressed.
Celebrating without my kids
Well, it is what it is! Being alone on festivals is a scary space to be in, and I’ve been through it… You have to find ways not to remain in that space for too long.
My spiritual practices like yoga, Tai Chi and pranayama uplift me. And, I keep myself busy, so I don’t stay in that space for long.
It’s really about which radio station you play in your head…
If I get lonely, I tell myself to indulge in that feeling for just 5–10 minutes, and get out of it, and become productive soon.
Challenges of parenting
I consciously chose to legally separate from my ex-husband at a time when my kids were going overseas to study… It was hard initially as there were three breakages (separations).
But I handed over what needed to be addressed locally to my ex-husband — who lives in that part of the world — while I handle the overall stuff, like TLC (tender loving care), and other practical issues myself.
Co-parenting became a natural process where each one of us fell into our roles well.
Children and their demanding phases
We’ve had an easy and open-ended communication and relationship, almost like friends.. So I’ve not had a very bad or tricky phase with them… Besides, of course, when they were really small, and you have sleepless nights, but that’s with everyone!
Support systems to combat parenting challenges
At the start of my journey from being a married person to not a married person, my parents, sisters and close friends have been there for me in more ways than one…both for me and my children.
Whatever was required at the time, they just stepped in, and took over. I feel blessed to have that kind of support.
But it’s been a lot of work and introspection, letting go, and generally upgrading my life on a daily basis…
We just have to make it (the process) easier for ourselves!
Skills acquired as a solo parent
I didn’t know how to manage my finances. I didn’t know even what a share was when I came to live here (in Mumbai).
So, when I was first introduced to a financial planner, my face turned white… I was in shock because I didn’t understand any of the terminology. That was in 2013, but now I laugh at those times!
If you can’t understand stuff, delegate it to someone you trust, who can manage 75% of it.
Biggest highs as a mother
Everyday is a high… I’m really lucky to have easy going kids…
Being away from home has made them super independent. They work in their own flow, and that’s a lovely thing to watch!
It’s a high to see children flower on their own… Doing their own thing, without having to tell them what to do!
An ideal parent-child relationship
Communicate, be open, and if anything can be resolved without conflict, definitely hands-up for that!
Just trust your child… Give them the space to grow… Learn from them… Be natural… Be open and vulnerable as a parent!
