How the Women in My Life Made Me a Better Father
Behind every successful man — or father — there is a woman, or sometimes three…
On Father’s Day, I pay tribute to the three women, who made me the father I am today.
1) My mother
I’ve been told that the soul chooses the life it wants to enter. At this stage of my life, I understand why I chose my mother, and give her full credit for who I am.
My parents didn’t have it easy… They had to restart their life after my father left the family business, and decided to venture out on his own. My mother was the main driving force, who encouraged and supported him through the process.
I was a tough child to raise… I had no interest in studies, and only wanted to play and eat. As a result, I was overweight in my younger years.
My mother brought us all up with certain strictness. Even though I didn’t approve of it then, I now realise, it was perhaps the best method she knew.
During all my professional and personal ups and downs, my mother intuitively knew what needed to be done. At the time of separation from my ex-wife, when I took to spirituality, she stood by me as I walked the path. Her support helped me reach this place of greater responsibility.
It’s not easy to see your child go through a tough life, often created by unawareness on our part. But, as a mother, you let your children go through the journey, and still stand by their side, holding them when needed. My mother leaned on her support system for strength — her sister, daughter and husband — as she watched my pain, and gave me the support I needed.
My mother always had a watchful eye on my life, albeit from a distance. She gave me a jolt whenever I wavered from my path. This led to several altercations, with me shouting ‘freedom’… But my mother knew my freedom would turn into bondage, and made sure I took on only what I could handle.
I may not have been an ‘ideal’ son to my mother, often questioning her ways of living and thinking, but she always stood by me with selfless devotion, and sacrificed her time and life to see me grow.
2) My ex-wife
My ex-wife — directly or indirectly — also played a role in my personal growth. Many may consider divorce a bitter experience, but it can also uplift you, if you take the right lessons from it.
During my marriage, my wife gave me several hints on the direction in which I was headed, but I was too foolish to understand. She knew the only language I would pay heed to was a brutal one. So, she left one day, without me and my daughter.
The incident left me with immense pain and anger, but ultimately pushed me on the path of self development. She initially cut off totally, to give me the space I needed to grow.
She always tried to make me understand that I should create a life of my own…and perhaps also knew that are paths were divergent.
With pain in her heart, she left, so that I could set out on the journey I was destined for. My wife took the step that she had to, but like my mother it was only for my well-being.
3) My daughter
If it wasn’t for my daughter, why would I even consider spiritual growth? It was she who kept me grounded…
In my earlier relationships, I’d try to get over them by partying excessively, but this time nothing was helping. Instead, I could see my old ways affecting my daughter… My anger and hate erased the laughter from her face.
I needed to do something to make things pleasant for her, and for everyone around me. So, I took control of my thoughts and emotions with the help of several personal development tools.
My daughter needed me the most during these trying times, but my family took care of her, while I juggled work and my spiritual pursuit.
She could see the changes in me, and tried her best to support me. She used to get upset when I took off for self-searching journeys, but I tried to help her understand, and sometimes she would. She had tears whenever I left home, but knew I would come back.
My daughter, somewhere deep down, knows that everything that happened was meant to happen, and trusts the grand scheme of life… And she goes on with a smile on her face, not letting anyone know her pain.
Perhaps, my daughter lost out on her childhood, because she had to help me get to where I am today. If it wasn’t for her, I may have continued my old habits, and not had the sense to take better care of her.
Without these three women, I wouldn’t be sharing my journey with you today.
It’s not easy for anyone to see pain, particularly that of their loved ones. But women have a wonderful quality of holding someone’s pain, and still giving them strength… This quality of inclusion is unique to women.
Moreover, women are unmatched in their selfless devotion toward another’s growth and well-being.
As a single father, I now realise the vital role of a woman and mother in the process of nurturing another life.
On Father’s Day, I take the opportunity to acknowledge the awareness and sense of responsibility that I have learned from all the women in my life. I am deeply grateful for all the sacrifices made by them, that took me further on my quest for personal growth.
I hope I too can make the same sacrifices for my daughter in the coming years, when she will need me the most. Parenting may come with its set of challenges, but I hope to work toward making it a pleasant and joyful experience for my daughter and me.
And, to all the fathers out there, I’d simply like to say — reflect on who got you to where you are today, and never make the mistake of thinking you did it alone. Behind you were several strong and selfless women, who worked tirelessly at making you the man and father you are today.
A woman’s energy is immense and irreplaceable…
She works alongside you, often in the shadows, only so that you can come out of your shadows, and shine!
So, let’s support her, let’s celebrate her, and this Fathers’ Day let’s hold her hand, as she makes humanity flourish!
Soul Dads is a platform that celebrates and supports parenting… Both fathers and mothers alike make children grow into their true selves. So, let’s come together when we can, and explore the different ways of making parenting an enriching experience.
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