A Letter to You Sahana As You Turn 8

I keep talking to you dear Sahana about life and my understanding of it… Sometimes,you just look at me and go, ‘What!’

So, I decided to write you a letter, one you will probably understand better as you grow older… One that you can come back to every time you feel lost, or confused about which direction to take in life.

Hopefully, these guidelines will keep you grounded, and push you into choosing paths that truly reflect your personality, beliefs and values.

This is a letter that will keep nudging you to become a better version of yourself… Your unique individual self… not a personality confused with the dogma of others.

A letter that will first and foremost expect you to ‘be human’…

Here I jot down eight valuable life lessons, or nuggets of wisdom, gained from my life experiences… You could call them your inheritance — something you can lean on and nurture for the rest of your life.

To my beautiful and loving daughter Sahana, this one’s for you…

1. Forgive everyone but don’t forget the lesson, and don’t repeat the same mistake

Sahana, you are at an age where you may get bullied, or teased by your friends in class or in the school bus. Your instant response is to either befriend them,or not talk to them. But it’s best to be friends with everyone, and not take anything to heart.

Everyone is equal…even those who make mistakes. It’s important for us to just condemn the act, and not the doer. People may make mistakes because they don’t realize what they are doing.

Also,don’t forget someone’s actions as you can learn from them if they are wrong, and not make the same mistake yourself. You can also prevent others from repeating the action on you in the future… With every experience — positive or negative — always become a bit wiser!

2. Be inclusive by removing the ‘I’, and making it about ‘all’

Include everyone in your activities and celebrations as much as possible. Don’t make groups, or you will never step out of your comfort zone, and know what’s out there.

Remember you once told me to call limited friends from your class for your birthday… To which, I said,‘Call everyone,and let them decide if they want to come or not.’

Inclusion is the only way forward in the world, and this is very important for you to understand.

3. Take responsibility of everything around you

No one can do anything to you, unless you let them. Don’t blame the other, as they will always act the way they need to… It’s up to us how we react.

Once you came home upset after playing… You had fallen while running. You said someone had put a brick in the middle of the play area, and hence you tripped. You blamed the other person. But it is actually your responsibility to be more careful, and watch where you are going.

Taking responsibility is a huge task, but only if you start doing it now will you understand its importance later in life, when you will need to take on more responsibility of everything around you.

4. Don’t waste time doing things you don’t enjoy, life is too short

Many a time, on holidays, you spend time watching television shows. Watching TV is fine, but only for a short duration of time. After which you must take up activities that you like.

Your love for painting, which has so much depth, is a great activity to do in your free time…It’s a true expression of your innermost feelings.

Also, try to learn and create something new each day, as the same repetitive activity will not help you grow… There is no risk or reward in being repetitive.

5. The past or the future is not in your control, make the most of the present moment

There are times — and it’s only natural — when you sit and think about your mother. You talk about the past, and the time she spent with you… You talk about the things you would do with her, if she was around.

At such times, I try to take you back to the days you spent with her, and do similar activities so that you don’t miss her too much. But my idea is for you to enjoy what you have now — the present moment — and make the most of it with the people you have around you…

I realize I can never fill your mother’s gap, but the bond that we have between is growing… I enjoy doing stuff with you, and listening to all the small and big stories you share about your life.

Remember, life is always full of new beginnings… So always be hopeful for tomorrow, and grateful for what you have today.

6. Nobody owns you…you are your own person

Never look up or down on anyone…as everyone is equal. Everything is one. You may not understand this now, but my words will ring true in the future…

I realised much later in life about the oneness in everything, and I hope you discover this feeling earlier, and not repeat the same mistakes I made.

Be as independent as you can, in your thinking and in your life. I am just a guide by your side, always there when you need me. I don’t own you…I am just your caretaker.

You need to empower yourself in the coming years, and I wish to see the day when you live life on your own terms.

7. Do your best, forget about the rest

Focus on what you really enjoy doing, and do it well. Forget about the outcome.

During your sports inter-school competition, you worried about not coming first. You told me your friends were better than you at some sports. Even in a race, you kept looking at your friends rather than looking in front, and running faster. As a result of which, you came last.

That’s when I told you — ‘In life, always stay focused on the goal, don’t look on your left or right, or worry about what other people are doing or saying.’

The next year, you came second.

Only focus will get you ahead in life. So turn off distractions, like your TV and phone, and study with complete concentration. You will notice how your grades and handwriting will improve much more over time.

8. Question everything…even me

Don’t listen to everything I say, or what anyone else says, without questioning it. Most of the time, elders will give you unsolicited advice, especially telling you to avoid trying what’s not worked in their lives.

But always question their words, and understand why they are saying it… Is it out of habit and old patterns, or because they are genuinely concerned?

Question even me, because sometimes I may say things to you unconsciously, or out of habit. Not everything is as it seems…so look beyond!

You may be confused by my words, but it is okay to be confused…As you grow older, they will make more sense to you.

I wish you all the love you deserve, and thank you for being such an understanding and patient daughter, just like your name.

I’m truly blessed to have you in my life journey…correcting me, and making me more aware.

Soul Dads was conceptualized to help me articulate my single parenting experiences… As a platform, it has helped me introspect and grow, and reach out to others in similar situations.

I encourage single parents to freely share their experiences on this platform, and express any trials or triumphs you may have experienced in your journeys.

This is not just a blog, but a commitment to bring together solo parents, and empower you with a support group… One you can lean on, so that you never feel alone as a single parent.

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