This Diwali, Accept Your Inner Joker and Transform Yourself
In a pack of cards, the joker is the odd one out… But without him, many a set would be incomplete.
In life too, we often get the feeling of being the odd one out, especially if we have grown up with insecurities. This feeling eventually results in the need for constant acceptance as we grow older…often leading us into doing things that are, perhaps, not in sync with our true selves.
Even though the protagonist of the recent movie Joker — Arthur Fleck played by Joaquin Phoenix — took to violent ways to get accepted and liked by people of the fictitious Gotham city, many in the movie identified with his fight, and joined him.
After watching the movie, I couldn’t help but wonder why people need to do something — even something destructive — to be accepted by those around them?
Are we not complete as we are…with all our idiosyncrasies and quirks?
Of course, the joker has a mental condition, and it’s not the perfect parallel, but we’ve all done weird things in our lifetimes to connect and fit in with ‘society’.
When I reminisce about all that I did to gain acceptance in my growing years, I realise the innate need for acceptance is in all of us…
I was overweight as a child, and believed I didn’t have ‘good looks’.
To ‘fit in’, I indulged in spendthrift ways to impress my friends. But, instead of finding fulfilment, I felt emptier each time.
I lied to myself and others, pushing aside what was real and meaningful, to become superficial instead…
The fake and superficial soon began to seem real!
My parents had had humble beginnings, so they spent most of their time on growing the family business.They also made sure we got the best they could afford.
I vainly continued to pursue my need for acceptance through indulgence… I made a fool of myself, as people stood by and laughed at the joker.
The need for acceptance made me delusional…
I took this delusion into my work, friendships, family and marriage…slowly, distancing me further away from the truth.
I got married because I thought I was accepted for who I was… Little knowing, acceptance and love are not the same thing.
As my ex-wife and I grew and evolved, the love soon diminished, and ultimately led to a divorce.
When I didn’t understand the void, I took to meaningless alternatives, which only worsened the anger toward myself and others.
To add to that, I was becoming a person that neither I could accept, nor could the people around me… This further isolated me and made me more self destructive.
Finally, spirituality entered my life, and gave me the long needed ray of hope.
It gave me the strength to get back on my feet.
My family also played a role, accepting me unconditionally… Even when I was wrong,they allowed me to go on the path, make mistakes and learn from my eventual self-realisation.
Families see you through the worst…
They stick by you, despite the superficial layers of your personality… Childhood friends are also more accepting, as they’ve seen you grow up with you.
I often wonder, where can I find acceptance for who I am becoming?
But, do I need acceptance at all?
Because, acceptance is surely not love…perhaps only part of it!
Love is more all-embracing, unconditional and satisfying in itself. For acceptance, one needs to constantly work on oneself.
People may even accept the false you, but will they love you for it? That then becomes the true test of love!
The need for acceptance comes from insecurities…
If you are internally secure, you will not need acceptance from others.
Acceptance is a form of dependence on others, like a crutch that helps you walk… But, finally, one day you have to walk independently.
And, the need for acceptance often arises when you think only of yourself, or about — ‘What’s in it for me?’
When your approach is more inclusive and supportive of others, the need for acceptance diminishes. In fact, you will be accepted naturally because of your intent and its consequent actions.
Spirituality enables that attitude of inclusion…
You no longer see yourself in isolation, but as one who is interconnected to everything around you…
This approach extends to all life situations — work, love, and relationships.
For instance, if your business benefits all its stakeholders — your employees, customers and the environment, it will thrive, or else it will fall apart quickly, as its reach and impact will be limited.
In relationships too, if we shift the perspective from ‘me’ to ‘we’, or from ‘I’ to ‘all’, we become spiritual in nature, and transcend the need for acceptance.
You life then becomes more meaningful and positive.
As a person, I still feel I need to work on myself… To avoid indulgence and laziness is a constant effort.
My spiritual practices help me do that… They make me more aware of my shortcomings, and how I can work on them.
Everything you do in your life is ultimately an expression of you wanting to be free. Similarly, acceptance is also an expression of wanting to be free from this body, and becoming one with the Divine.
We were born complete, and with the ability to freely unite with the Divine.
But, over a period of time, due to the many layers accumulated from society and our environment, we forget about this natural ability to connect with ourselves and a higher being.
Our petty insecurities take us away from the truth… But, soon you realise that only the one who has lost the need for security and acceptance will find true union and liberation.
The media with all its marketing tools, is selling us the need for acceptance.
Consumerism though only increases the insecurities within us… Because how much can really be enough?
Social media too pushes the need for acceptance with how many friends you have online, and the number of likes you get.
Again, if this need for acceptance can be converted into something creative and useful for all, it will help you connect to yourself and others better.
So, I write and express myself to connect with people more deeply, rather than superficially.
Our enslavement to the need for acceptance limits our possibilities as a human being.
Transcending this need for acceptance, and embracing life ‘as is’, is true freedom.
In the movie, the joker wanted to become a ‘somebody’ from a ‘nobody’…
But, the idea is to become a nobody’, rather than a ‘somebody’ — To remove all the physical and mental boundaries created by us, and become more inclusive.
To transcend our likes and dislikes, and accept things ‘as is’, is true freedom.
At the end, the joker, became an anti-hero just because of the need for acceptance… He succumbed to his own mental illness and turned to violence, which he believed was what people wanted, and liked him for.
He believed bringing redemption to the weaker lot of society was his purpose, but the means he used were destructive to himself and to society.
Thus, life may throw many situations, but you determine how you deal with them…
To move away from self-destruction, and choose instead a path of service and inclusion, is perhaps a better way to rise above life’s trials.
Like is said — ‘There is a joker in all of us.’ But, if we are conscious of this fact, we can use it to help ourselves and others.
The joker in a pack of cards can indeed help you win…all you need to do is know is how to play it!
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