Kobe Bryant’s Death Gave My Daughter and Me a New Life Perspective

It’s only when the news of someone’s death hits you, that you realise the importance of you and your loved ones still being alive…

On 26th January, when the news of the death of American basketball player Kobe Bryant and his 13-year-old daughter Gianna shocked the world, my daughter and I struggled to come to terms with it too.

Sahana asked me, in her innocent voice, ‘What happens when people die?’

I said, ‘I don’t know…I wish I did. But everyone’s time will be up one day. So, we should try to make the most of each day, and add as much joy to our lives as we can!’

My rationale probably didn’t make sense to her childlike heart… She was still deeply affected by the incident, as she enjoys sport herself, and is aware that we travel everywhere together, just like Kobe and his daughter.

Such tragic incidents make you reevaluate life, and ponder upon how each moment of our lives is so precious… Life is indeed short, and no one knows how many years one has left. We need to introspect on how we can make each moment count.

Here are some of my reflections on how to make each day of our lives more special…

Forget your personality

In my growing years, I was trying to fit in. So, I added layers to my personality that weren’t the ‘real’ me, just to gain approval from friends. Similarly, in the current age, one sees social media influencing young minds and moulding their personalities; they simply imitate or parrot what they see on it.

But spiritual anchorage can help unravel all those false layers of our personality… I took on a very humbling spiritual process recently called ‘bhiksha’. Here, one is supposed to take arms from 21 individuals without his shirt on. The process completely stripped me off who I was…

At first, it was embarrassing, but as I let go the many layers of shame and fear, confidence set in, and I felt closer to my true nature. It also took away the false crutches of wealth and any ego-centric feeling that we are the ones who generate wealth or fame… It is, in fact, the world around that helps us grow and survive.

Spirituality helps you see yourself more clearly, and gives you the strength to be who you are.

When you decide to be who you are, you may lose a lot of friends who only liked the superficial you, the fake persona… And, you may find yourself alone at times, but this time alone can be used productively to work on becoming the extraordinary person you are meant to be.

I want my daughter to grow up in an environment where she is closest to her true self. This can only happen when we create a space that accepts and loves people for who they are. In such a space, children will blossom and realise their maximum potential.

Do what is needed

In the past few years, I was forced to revisit the way I conducted my life — I was given an opportunity to move from a selfish viewpoint to a selfless one.

Now, in my spare time, I volunteer with my daughter and teach children from lesser privileged backgrounds. My daughter has only recently joined me in this act, but she realises that it helps her grow, and so she pushes her boundaries and comfort zone.

While education is important, it is also important to go beyond education, and gain life experiences that make your personality adaptable, and ready to face any life situation… Interacting with people from all backgrounds, and contributing to their welfare, is one such way.

I tell my daughter to make every action of hers count. While it’s good to play and have free time, it’s also essential to keep track of how we spend our time — our efforts should bring their rightful results.

As time in our life is limited, we must make all are actions worthwhile.

This also means staying away from excessive consumption… Be it in the form of social media, junk foods, or aimless consumerism encouraged by shopping apps…

Nowadays, both my daughter and I have become conscious of the foods we consume, and check if they add to our health and the health of the planet, or, if they can be damaging to both us and the environment… We don’t starve, but we consciously consume only that which will nourish us.

Choose joy over suffering

I had forgotten to smile in the last few years… Getting divorced and looking after a child single-handedly had taken a toll on my happiness.

Even now my mind still works overtime, but I constantly remind myself that I am alive and any moment may be my last… Hence I must smile more and enjoy the present moment.

The past few years have been difficult for my daughter and me, but while she could laugh and smile more easily, I tended to get angry and upset. Soon, I noticed that she also had stopped smiling and being playful… That’s when I decided to bring joy back into our lives.

Now we make it a point to share jokes with each other, talk about some silly incidents from her school, and laugh about them… Basically, just bring lightness to the conversation, and life in general. No point getting too serious and grumpy about anything!

If you lead a joyful life, life feels short and beautiful, but if you lead a miserable life, it can feel like a lifetime.

Thus, I focus on doing activities with my daughter that can bring joy to both of us, and put that smile back on our faces as much as possible.

I also don’t overburden her with a strict schedule and too many classes, as that would lead to more stress rather than joy. She is now more relaxed, and has the time to explore her own passions, like art and sports.

If, by chance, she is not happy with her classes, or any other activities, I take a step back, evaluate once more, remove that from her day, and see if we can add something else of value. The idea is for her to feel joy in all she does, and for it to reflect her true nature.

Go beyond your fears

I see many kids out there sheltered, and then I look at my daughter, and wonder if I am sheltering her too much as well.

After hearing about the death of Kobe Bryant and his daughter, I asked my daughter to take part in some activity in her school, that she has not done before, like performing at her school annual function, where her talent and skills can shine forth.

She also decided to take up photo marathons and Sudoku… Learning something new is a great way to get involved in life in a new way, and explore a different side of your personality.

If children don’t test their skills and abilities now, we will never know what their natural gifts are, and how we can nurture them.

To my surprise she is enjoying photo marathons, and has come up with some incredible shots. Like Kobe’s daughter, I too would like to see my daughter excel at something at a young age itself. Maybe she won’t, and that’s fine, but at least she would know she tried and won’t have any regrets later in life.

I also encourage her to go for school camps, where she’s taken out of her familiar environment, and doing new activities. To my surprise she always rises to the challenge, and enjoys the camps she participates in.

Work from the inside out

Instead of trying to change the people and situations in your life, first work on accepting yourself… Then try and include as many people as you can in your circle, even the ones you don’t like. Everyone is human, and, the sooner you accept that, the happier you will be.

Tell your friends and family how much they mean to you, and show them with your actions too, as you should not regret it later. I tell my daughter, it’s not just important to say ‘I love you’, but to show the same with your actions… Your actions should speak louder than words.

I try to teach her to taking up responsibility for her actions, and include others in her life…

Make people fall in love with you by you falling in love with them.

I feel children need to instil a sense of humanity, rather than just learning values and moral codes set by society.

Everyone has a role to play on this planet… Just like a code in the software of a computer, that plays a part in the programming of the software, each of us have been gifted with a code, and it is up to us to become conscious of it, and write or rewrite our own code, so as to better ourselves.

This ability to rewrite our code will help us look at life differently, and change our perspective on everything. For example, my daughter and I were both shattered after the separation, but we are now working on becoming complete in ourselves, rather than depending on another.

Of course, nothing can replace the physical loss of someone, be it when they are alive or have passed on, but it is for us to realise how lucky we are to be still here together and alive, with the ability to experience life in the most joyous way possible.

Kobe Bryant’s death made us rethink life, and also value each other more. We realise that the brief time we have on this planet should be spent meaningfully and responsibly — giving our very best to everything we do, and ensuring we live on in the hearts and minds of people for as long as possible!

This Valentine’s Day, don’t just celebrate with the words ‘I love you’, instead capture that feeling through an act of kindness, a unique display of love, or a selfless act of service, that can take you a wee bit closer to the real you!

If you liked the blog, follow Soul Dads, or like, share, comment… Do anything, do something, just make it happen!