Father and Daughter Reunite at Kumbh
Who would’ve thought I’d find my daughter at the Kumbh mela… But that’s exactly what happened…
Call it a reunion, a rediscovery, a meeting again…in another city, among millions of strange people, where the only known faces were our own.
Amid all the colour and chaos, the smear-ashed sadhus and soulful kirtans, the sleeping tents and roadside food…the Kumbh mela brought my daughter and me much closer than ever before…
It was probably the energy of the place, or the teeming millions…
Together we reached in, as we reached out… We helped each other, as we held each other…to experience a new union that was both energising and comforting.
Like most of my recent trips — Kashi, Kailash and Pondicherry — this one too was not planned. The opportunity came my way, and I simply maximised it.
I had always been fascinated by the Kumbh Mela…
It probably goes back to childhood days, of seeing Bollywood films, where siblings get separated at the Kumbh, and then reunite after many years, with the help of some identification mark — a similar tattoo or pendant.
To think the same scene would repeat itself, several years later, was unimaginable…Only this time, it wasn’t two siblings, but a father and daughter rediscovering each other, after years of emotional separation.
But before I talk about my dramatic family reunion, let me talk about the great conglomeration of people at Kumbh…
The Kumbh mela probably surpasses every other Indian festival…simply because of its sheer scale and immense spiritual energy concentrated at one place.
This year the Kumbh was located at Prayagraj, Allahabad, which lies along the famous Triveni Sangam, a confluence of three rivers — Ganga, Yamuna, and Saraswati.
The festival area is spread over several miles, and visited by almost 100 million people through the three months. This is because most Indians have a belief that bathing in the Ganges River, during the festival period, is a step to spiritual upliftment.
A temporary town with campsites is set up during the months of the festival. These tents are both basic and luxurious, depending on what type of accommodation you choose. Each camp performs its own set of rituals everyday, keeping residents centred and calm.
The government too plays a big role in organising this mammoth festival, and ensures everyone is safe and well-looked after.
My family and I chose the auspicious day of Makar Sankranti, or the kite flying festival, to visit the fair… This was also one of the shahi snan days, a day when the sadhus (ascetics) bathe in the river before the common man.
We walked for miles to reach the spot of the river where we could take a dip…
Walking along with us, on that day itself, were approximately 13 million people. The Triveni Sangam is supposed to be the holiest spot to bathe in, said our chirpy boatman, giving us some trivia on the festival.
As we rowed into the river, with wind in our faces, and Siberian birds in the background, we felt a surreal serenity and joy.
My daughter too revelled in the experience. At first, I was apprehensive if I should take her along with me to the huge festival, as one hears stories of children getting lost in the crowds… But I didn’t want her to miss out on a festival of such magnitude and significance.
I didn’t think my daughter would make it through the Kumbh without a fuss, but surprisingly she enjoyed it the most…
She was active and cheerful throughout, and took part in all the activities on the campsite and outside — like walking for miles without complaining, dipping into the freezing river, watching the Raas Leela (an enactment of the Ramayana), and listening to spiritual teachings with the family.
On the trip, everywhere I went, my daughter would follow. She also took part in everything I did. She was just being with me completely, with her full self…and probably that’s all she expected from me too!
While bathing in the freezing waters of the Triveni Sangam, there was complete joy on my daughter’s face… In fact, she refused to get out of it!
She was totally immersed in the experience, with no force from my side at all. I realised then, that for kids to do something well, parents must do it with them… All we need to do is initiate something!
At night, as we cuddled up in our tents after a delicious meal, and reminisced about the day and its events, I felt a strange sense of calm…an affirmation of the deep bond between father and child, a moment of reconnection.
For the past few years, I had been engrossed in the separation with my ex-wife and its aftermath…
The first year was largely spent in resentment, anger, hate and frustration toward my ex-wife and the situation. The subsequent years were spent in healing myself and restructuring my life; and finally, the last year went by in the divorce proceedings.
Throughout this time, I was always aware of my duties as a father, and conscious of the presence of my daughter, but that connect was missing. Perhaps, I was looking at it more as a responsibility. I may have also been emotionally and mentally preoccupied, and hence unable to totally comprehend my daughter’s emotions.
The emotional connect between father and daughter was rekindled at the Kumbh…
At the Kumbh, I gained further interesting insights from my daughter… One, her warm hugs and kisses don’t come from a sense of duty, but spontaneously because of what she feels for me.
Two, she immerses herself completely in any experience, and thus enjoys life to the fullest…. Absolute involvement is what we adults need to learn from children!
Three, she is completely devoted to the process of a father-daughter relationship, without even having to try! If we too look at our children, as they look at us — without being preoccupied, or burdened by a sense of ‘duty’ — we will feel the deep bond that makes relationships grow.
Ever since our return, I feel more sensitive toward my daughter, and can now respond better to her needs, helping her grow better as a full-fledged human being.
After visiting Kumbh, I feel like a huge veil had been lifted from my eyes… I can now understand my daughter better, and experience what she truly means to me…
Walking hand in hand, among millions of people, taking the boat ride back in complete silence — trying to be in the moment; putting on our Kumbh outfits, which we hashtagged #Kumbhchella (a spin on the music festival #Coahella in the US); and watching sadhus in their element in the akhadas (practice areas), were memorable experiences for us.
After Kumbh, I have become more inclusive as a person…not just including my daughter in all my experiences, but also wanting to share my experiences with more people.
Getting lost at the Kumbh is perhaps not just a story then… It’s about metaphorically losing your old self, and finding a new you — one that is more connected within, and more connected to all the people around you!
May the journey of self-discovery continue…
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