Is the “Cancel Culture” Toxic for Children?
Wikipedia says, “Cancel culture or call-out culture is a phrase…used to refer to a form of ostracism in which someone is thrust out of social or professional circles — whether it be online, on social media, or in person. Those subject to this ostracism are said to have been “cancelled”.”
This phrase essentially refers to followers un-following public figures or celebrities who have succumbed to socially or politically unacceptable acts. “Cancelling” is a form of mass shaming on social media platforms like Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook.
“Is that a thing now?” I asked. My daughter tells me, “Yes”.
The phrase cancel culture came up when my daughter and I were in conversation. In a concerned way, I told her to watch what she eats and choose healthier food options, to which she retorted that I was “body-shaming” her.
During the various lockdowns both of us had put on a few pounds. Prior to COVID, we were into outdoor activities — Sahana played tennis and basketball, while I used to run, swim, gym, and do yoga. These activities came to a grinding halt post COVID. Being from a Marwari family, food also got the better of us.
So, I was only asking my daughter to try to eat healthier and get back to our usual active routines. But she took offense to it and felt I was “body shaming” her.
I asked her then if there were words I could use to tell her to eat healthy — “Is there a politically correct way for parents to say that?” To which she had no answer.
Sometimes, I feel children are just using language as an excuse to get away with stuff. She also added that I cannot even say “her” to many of her friends, as they are now trying to discover exactly who they are, and so the pronoun “they” has to be used.
That’s pretty much the fate of most of us now — If we use the wrong words or express a wrong opinion, we quickly find ourselves “cancelled”.
I wonder where all this comes from — the internet, YouTube? She said, “Dad, it is everywhere — school, teachers. She also told me, “You cannot use the words gay or lesbian anymore, you have to say LGBT queer.”
“Can you still call me dad and I call you baby,” I asked somewhat amused. She just dismissed me saying, “Let’s see, and give it a few years.”
Is this the new “woke” culture then that everyone has been speaking about? I come from an era where we didn’t have to be so careful and spoke casually with each other. We probably only got offended when someone abused us. But nowadays if we just say, “he” or “she”, we have guns blazing at us.
In a way these terms helps kids retain a fluid identity, and give them the freedom to develop into whoever they choose to be… But, aren’t we going too far by putting them in another box altogether?
We are born man or woman for a specific reason, and to perpetuate the survival of our species; not because a man is supposed to do certain things and a woman is supposed to do others. Nature has not created a society; we are the ones who have created different roles for different genders.
In fact, women nowadays play a key role in defining relationships and have made significant changes in the professional world too… It has become a level playing field.
It was great to discover the term “gender neutral”, which essentially means that “something is not associated with either women or men.” But, have these terms become just another box to tick?
Recently, I put up a post on a social media platform, that said — “Children observe and absorb everything like sponges. They notice the way you sit, eat, and even the language you use. Thus, we have to become conscious of our words and actions.”
A reader quickly responded with, “Agreed, but there are so many other influences too. For example, I am trying to raise my son as gender neutral but his grandparents, teachers, and friends keep re-enforcing the girl v/s boy distinctions.”
Not too long ago, another set of parents mentioned that their kid was trying to figure out who they were in school — a girl or boy. I’m personally not sure if this is the right way to go. Are kids not getting more confused? It is perhaps also making them unhappier, as they are now resorting to substance abuse at a younger age and harbouring thoughts of suicide?
Are terminology trends putting too much pressure on them? Why can’t they simply grow and respond to situations naturally, without any social media pressure or ideas of political correctness?
For many years after my separation, I didn’t bring up my daughter as a girl, but just like another human being. If I kept looking at her as a girl, I may have failed her miserably. Initially, I did think that being a girl and not having her mother around may be a challenge, but being on the spiritual path, I realised we were all just in this together, and would be taken care of.
In the early years, I even forgot my daughter was a girl, and, for the longest time, I dressed her up in boy’s clothing…only to find out later that, children’s clothes are mostly gender neutral. Being from the fashion industry, I should’ve realised earlier that the lines were getting blurred in fashion.
But I honestly feel this “cancelled” or “woke” culture puts additional pressure on kids into admitting something they don’t understand yet. As parents, it is our responsibility to explain the full scope of these terms to them, but for this we need to first understand them ourselves.
It’s good that these terms have been conceptualised as they create more awareness…but, are schools actually decoding them for the current generation? Probably not, because, all corporations that thrive on the male-female gender divide will get adversely impacted, as everything from hair, make-up, clothing and sex is all about gender.
We already have no choice over our name, gender, religion, which are predetermined at birth. Now we are even forcing upon our children the “cancel culture,” pronoun culture, or gender binary, gender neutrality, and the latest in the pack — “gender transcendence”, a term which tries to erase the cultural, biological, psychological, and social role of gender within society. Isn’t that too heavy a load for their young shoulders to carry?
While researching more on the internet, here’s a list of new-age terms I learned to ensure I don’t offend anyone in this “woke culture.”
· Folks, folx, or everybody ladies/gentleman
· Humankind NOT mankind
- People NOT man/men
- Members of Congress NOT congressmen
- Councilperson NOT councilman/councilwoman
- First-year student NOT freshman
- Machine-made, synthetic, or artificial NOT man-made
- Parent or pibling NOT mother/father
- Child NOT son/daughter
- Kiddo NOT boy/girl
- Sibling NOT sister/brother
- Nibling NOT niece/nephew
- Partner, significant other, or spouse NOT girlfriend/boyfriend or wife/husband
- Flight attendant NOT steward/stewardess
- Salesperson or sales representative NOT salesman/saleswoman
- Server NOT waiter/waitress
- Firefighter NOT fireman
So, now my “daughter” is my “child,” and I better use that term to avoid offending her. But, just a humble plea from a parent (or pibling), can this generation be more compassionate to the previous generation, or simply accept them for not using these terms, as they were raised with a whole different vocabulary?
And, my honest advice to gen next — The most important thing is to know who you are. Just using terms without any experience of them will not be very helpful to your growth. It was bad enough that we already have so many identities, to add to that we now have sub-identities.
Earlier there were just two tick boxes in a form, now there are several sub-divisions…all a bit confusing, but really doing the same thing.
As parents it is our duty to rescue our children from these check boxes, and make sure they don’t get identified with them, so as to limit their true potential as human beings. Soon new terms will get coined, and the old ones will fade away, but what will remain is their unique selves, and their interconnectedness with the rest of the world!
As a SoulDad, my aim is to help parents and children grow in meaningful and spiritual ways. I do this by sharing my experiences, and invite you to do the same by sharing your unique parenting experiences in the comment box below.
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