Are You Alone in the Parenting Journey?
‘I feel like a single parent, even though I’m in a marriage,’ said a reader after going through one of my blogs.
As I spoke to more and more parents, even those who were still together in their marriages, many resonated with my experiences.
That’s when I realised that a single parent needn’t be one who is physically separated from the spouse, but one who feels alone in the marriage and responsible for most of the child’s upbringing.
Being a parent is not easy, but being the only hands-on parent moreso…because there is no one else to share the journey with.
Small things like attending a child’s school concert, or taking a child for doctors’ visits, or simply watching and tending to the child’s every mood and need, becomes your sole responsibility.
Having said that, even as a single parent the journey is as rewarding and fulfilling… And very often one can manage just fine by making a few alterations to your mindset and lifestyle.
But let’s first understand why one feels like a single parent to begin with… Some of the reasons are:
- The obvious one of being divorce or separation
- If either parent is working in a different location or away on long business trips.
- When there is no emotional or physical connect left in the marriage/relationship
- When one spouse is incapable of responsibility, and soon shows no interest in raising the child.
- When one spouse is so busy earning, that he/she is unable to spend quality time with the family.
- The spouse has an addiction, and is unable to focus on parenting.
- The spouse is incapacitated due to medical reasons, or bereaved, and hence can’t take care of the child.
- When both parents have differing value systems, and can’t see eye to eye on several parenting issues.
These, and several more issues, that life throws up, can make one feel like a solo parent, trudging along with life and child, without much support.
Even though the single parenting phenomenon is surfacing now, it has in fact been around for centuries…
Men have mostly always been away from their homes since time immemorial…
They went hunting, or travelled for trade purposes, or went to war, and returned only after many months, at times.
Moreover, this happened in ages when there were no modes of communication like nowadays, where we can Face Time and chat with each other at will.
Still today the absence of the other is felt more than in any other age.
It’s probably because technology is heightening the experience of being alone… We know the person is somewhere, but he/she is not present with us.
Out of sight in this case does not become out of mind…with most trying very hard to accept the situation and come to terms with it.
In today’s times, the nuclear family also accentuates the feeling of loneliness in single parents…
In earlier times, when the joint family existed, everyone chipped in with the chores, and children were raised by many family members, and not just two people… Even widows never felt alone while raising their kids.
The nuclear family is further engendering a feeling of being exclusive and not inclusive…
You believe it’s just about you and your child, and you often fail to enlist the support of others — an important aspect of parenting.
But if you look outside for support, and also look within for strength, you may find the journey of single parenting actually enjoyable…even a privilege or opportunity at times.
There is, in fact, no need to feel singled-out in society, or label yourself as a single parent, and further stigmatise and condemn yourself… Simply reach out and look within, with the right tools, and revel in the experience.
Here are some ways to help you do so…
- Take ownership of the situation, and stop blaming others for what you’re going through. No one can do anything to you, unless you let them.
- Make the most of the situation. You can either let it break you or make you… So look at it as an opportunity rather than a problem. Stop resisting it, embrace it.
- Focus on raising the child, and give it all you’ve got. You will see your child blossom into a precious piece of life.
- Remember you are not unique in your situation; there are others facing a similar situation… So reach out to them, and find support where possible.
- Add spirituality to your life, and let it help you explore your inner world… You will soon discover exactly what you need to nurture yourself, and your child!
The modern age has given us many tools to equip ourselves, and aid the single-parenting journey… See how best you can incorporate these into your life as a solo parent…
Of course, nothing compensates the loss of another parent in the child’s upbringing, but if such a situation does arise, don’t wallow in self-pity for too long…
Instead, roll up your sleeves, and give it your best… There’s no reason why you may not do a better job than two parents put together!
And, if you need to discuss any issues as a single parent, feel free to reach out to us on souldads@souldads.com
Also, to share your single parenting experiences through a blog, simply jot down your story, and submit it to us on the same email id.
Don’t go yet… Applaud the story if you’ve liked it, share it with friends and family through your networks, or simply leave a comment below telling us what you think of it.
Thank you!
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