By the Woman, For the Woman, Of the Woman
The harrowing story of my grandmother’s pain and how she found the strength to emerge victorious
A century ago, I guess the terminology ‘Women's Empowerment’ did not exist. It is the societal pressure and circumstances that forced her to empower herself to live a life of dignity that was equal to getting a stamp of approval from the community with which she was surrounded.
In my younger days, my elders shared unbelievable stories of women who surmounted unbearable pain and emerged victorious. My grandmother was one of them. Since all this happened more than a century ago, I believe there is no harm in sharing her story of perseverance with trust in God.
She was married off at the age of 10 before she attained puberty. My grandfather was 15 years older than her. He had graduated with a Bachelor in Arts, which was a big deal those days, and worked as a High School teacher. An orphan, he had grown up in a Children’s Home run for orphans.
My great-grandmother thought that he was ideal for her daughter since he did not have a train of relatives to adjust to. My grandmother, the only daughter, was doted upon by the family, especially since she had lost her father when she was just a baby. Beauty and virtue personified her.
She attained puberty six months after the wedding, and the information was conveyed to my grandfather through a letter. The request to come and fetch her was made. However, he did not show up.
The people around among family, friends, and neighbours started gossiping that she continued to stay in her maternal home even after reaching puberty. What I was told has left an indelible impression of compassion, empathy, and admiration.
My feelings are mixed, with pain as the dominant one. It still wrenches my heart just to visualize what a bold decision a 10 1/2-year-old took to save her dignity. One morning she announced that she was going to her husband’s place all alone and requested her mother to put her on a bus. He lived a few hours away.
Despite her mother’s effort to cajole her to wait, the girl was firm in her decision. She bundled up a couple of sarees she owned and boarded the bus. Her husband, my grandfather did welcome her into the house. My great-grandmother and other well-wishers sighed in relief.
The next ordeal was when my grandfather left her alone in the house to travel to another city every weekend. It came to light that he was already in a relationship, and weekends were for her.
This information, instead of weakening her, gave my grandmother enormous strength to face the challenge and win her husband back from the other woman. Eventually, she bore him four children and lived a life of dignity. There were episodes of physical abuse, even when she was seven months pregnant. She withstood it all.
Was it out of helplessness or pure acceptance? My grandfather was a very good mathematics teacher, and a lot of his students achieved high positions in life. I have seen them coming to meet him with a basket full of fruits, flowers, and gifts to acknowledge his role in their success.
My grandmother would beam with pride watching the grateful students pay tribute and I would feel so confused! ‘ How could she have forgotten and forgiven all the abuse she had suffered in his hands? How could she still take pride in such a heartless man?’
Our scriptures talk about six qualities in a good wife. One of them is ‘ Kshmaya Dharitri’, a Sanskrit term meaning ‘ A good wife is one like Mother Earth’. Mother Earth is trampled upon incessantly, yet forgiving that she is as a mother, goes on supporting.
My grandmother never sought pity for her story. She did not complain. She imparted good values to her children and instilled faith in God by her very example. Always jovial with a sense of humour, she lived her life-giving love and passed on the legacy of unconditional love.
Lack of education and financial dependence is still holding many a woman back from breaking free from an abusive relationship. It is imperative we make our daughters strong and self-reliant before they are married so that they can make an intelligent decision, at any point in their life.
Divorce is a painful option. Nature intended man to be a breadwinner and woman to be a homemaker; it is evident in a bird's life. With changing times and ethos, the institution of marriage is losing its strong foundation. That’s the sad part of progress and advancement.
To me, women empowerment is feeling strong within yourself in any given situation, and acting upon with wisdom and trust in the higher power.
