Goodbye, people-pleasing!
It´s time to step into your power
It’s an Odd thing to evolve out of old patterns, quite a painful process. It almost makes me want to remain the same but I am being forced out of the nest no matter what I think I want and if I don’t spread my flimsy little wings to fly I’m going to hit the ground (again). I have at least become tired of hitting the ground.
The biggest lesson now is the people-pleasing tendencies. I’m finding that one the most painful to part with. Its roots run deep within me, this ingrained pattern that kept me safe as a child. The fawning and being held responsible for everyone else’s feelings while mine were of no consequence to anyone especially not me. Just shove those right down and out of the way. I didn’t know you do eventually have to face those things… they come up in very strange and ugly ways as you go in to heal them. I can’t say I’m enjoying the process.
It has been hard for me to know that I do have these personality traits and yet not know how to alter them or how long it seems to be taking to shake them. The feeling of saying no or standing up for myself is almost physically painful and the barrage of the nasty inner narratives comes back quickly every time I choose myself and my boundaries over the validation and ease of saying yes to something I don’t want to do. Or even to suggest a task out of the blue to be the shining star in the situation. It’s hard to teach yourself a new way of being. It feels like I’m in a different country and no one speaks my language. It is a constant miscommunication.
On top of that, my energy seems to be constantly sending out signals to others who will eventually, and usually very painfully, help me learn how to value myself like I say I do. I don’t see it until it’s too late, or I ignore my intuition to just stay away. The desire to be validated is too strong to overcome. I need you to tell me how special I am, even if you are just saying it to manipulate me into doing more chores or favors for you. Even if it’s a lie, I just want to hear the words coming off your lips.
That is the problem with people pleasing, it’s that not only does my inner child feel unsafe to say No, but the praise and compliments I receive keep reinforcing this behavior as an adult. I am also being manipulative, in that I don’t truly want to do what I am offering you, but I need your validation so badly that I have lost the authenticity in saying no and being honest. Oh, to be a martyr.
It’s so obnoxious to know all this and continue to keep doing it anyway. I think I am getting tired of it now. I think I am starting to feel a little more comfortable in the discomfort of training myself out of this. I don’t need anyone to like me, I like myself. I don’t need to keep this façade up anymore and I am permitting myself to be a little uncomfortable in the moment so that I can hold to my authentic self. I can let the old version of myself die off. It’s time. I know too much now to go on pretending like it doesn’t matter, it matters, it matters a lot because I matter. My feelings matter.
I wanted to stand up on my soapbox here today and profess this newness of me out into the world, my very tiny corner of this platform, as a way to solidify this vow of authenticity. To be clear with myself I am finished with this behavior I am simply no longer available to be taken advantage of and I am done taking advantage of others in this very manipulative behavior. I am done sliding into places where I make it easy for people to use me or take advantage of my inability to say no. I will say “No”, even if it’s uncomfortable for me. I will stop taking on tasks that I am only doing to get a pat on the back. I am finished with putting myself and my intuition on the back burner for a bit of praise. I am enough exactly as I am. I accept myself exactly as I am. I don’t need anyone else’s opinions to make me whole!
There! I said it here first folks! Out here on the internet! It cannot be denied and it is now officially done! Ha! I am free!
I’ll let u know how it goes…
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