SOUL STORY | SOULMATE
I fell in love with my soul mate
Who happens to be a woman…….
Late-onset-lesbianism (LOL) is a term one of my besties mentioned me to many years ago. I laughed about it mostly because of the LOL part but I kinda sorta could understand why, having been married to a man for many years a woman MIGHT just get sick of the man-flu elements and decide that a woman companion could be easier. A quick google search will show you many articles, in very well-thumbed publications, that is is, in fact a ‘thing’ — LOL I mean.
One of my besties at the time, and I, said that if we found ourselves single later in life we’d just live together because we co-habited so well.
My sister donned the term ‘Bestie Row’ whereby all of us women folk who had their shed their significant male partners would buy houses all on the same street and live happily ever after.
On and on jokes and stories abounded between us. ‘Planning’ for our later years included all female friends.
Then I met my wife!
I had been in a heterosexual relationship for almost two-decades. In fact had ONLY ever been with men until my mid-forties when I found myself at a dead-end. My love relationship was no longer a love one and despite looking at it six-ways to Sunday I just couldn’t stay stuck with so much of my life still left to live.
A year or so prior to this I had met a woman who opened my eyes to my sexuality; it was the first time in my over four-decades of life that I had kissed a woman and it was fun. But that was it. Fun. I couldn’t for a single second consider myself in the closet because I wasn’t! And it wasn’t because of her I left my relationship. It was done. We were broken. It was time.
So we did split and for the best for both of us …..
I relished my two years of single life and, in fact, believed that I would be single for the rest of it. I lived in a remote setting with too many dogs, cats, horses and a live-in-the-house pig. I would be a lot for the most resilent to take on.
Why am I telling you this story?
Of late, I find myself reading and hearing SO many stories about women who, as they grow up and grow into themselves, realise that — in fact — they have been in the closest all their lives.
Perhaps they had an inclining of attraction towards women when they were younger but felt too shy / scared / unsure to persue it.
Perhaps they explored some sexual opportunities but decided that the road less travelled was, in fact, way too scary so they met and married (or not) the ‘man of their dreams’.
Perhaps they just didn’t think that there was options outside of an upbringing that showed and taught us that men and women make sense?
Perhaps there are many many scenarios in between?
There are many woman in the media, who are on my radar, that have ‘changed lanes’.
Glennon Doyle, author and activist, left her marriage and married Olympian Abby Warmach.
Sophia Bush, American actress, left her heterosexual marriage, surrounded herself with her women friends in which she found love.
Sarah Paulson, actress, who has long referred to her sexuality as fluid, left her long term male partner and is now with the legendary Holland Taylor.
You’d swear I was fixated by female love!
Just this morning I went upstairs and told my wife about an interaction on Instagram; by a few people who I love and follow closely, comparing notes about them realising — late into their 30s — that they were that; closeted lesbians who as they grew up and into themselves, felt stronger and safer, perhaps to say it all out loud.
Do you think that’s me? I asked her.
What? she said.
Do you think I’ve been in the closet all my life and I’m just blind to it?
I asked her out of curiousity but also out of the need to not feel defensive about my life choices. I KNOW that people, like my wife, have fought so many battles to allow me to walk into my life now — by choosing to marry a woman — with pride and zero need to hide any of it. In fact proud to be married to my soul mate who just happens to be a woman.
The reason I’m telling you this story is two fold.
Because I think our stories allow other people to tell their stories. Mine is one of a soul mate — Skye is mine. I knew it from the first moment I clapped eyes on her. It was a decision written in my bones and I was brave enough to follow it through.
It’s not a coming out story. Other than coming out of my own shadows but not sexuality.
Secondly because I think that, in order to come out of my shadows, there are people who have and continue to fight for fluidity — in life, in gender norms, in sexuality, in understanding and a thousand other things. Its because of them that I can tell this story.
I think its brave to change lanes.
I think it’s brave to leave when life isn’t working for you.
I think it’s brave to love, no matter what that love looks like and if, on the face of it, it’s inexplicable to others.
I think it’s brave to be you.
Tell your story. Tell it all. They will understand. You will be fine
