Sorry Sweet, I Got Mommy Issues: Understanding Male Psychology
We never want to talk about it….
Everyone knows what daddy issues are. We’ve all been there, hearing our friends’ stories about unbearable relationships. There’s always that toxic boyfriend who tends to be emotionally distant and cold or so irresponsible towards his partner that it drives her mad. And somehow, girls struggling with such challenges seem to be attracted to this terrible kind of man.
Yeah, daddy issues are as terrible as they are real. But let’s put a similar and related problem in the spotlight. While many girls endure a masochistic struggle of a lifetime with daddy issues, I can confidently say that some of us fellow men are cursed by mommy issues. So, dear readers, let’s dig in.
Firstly, let’s look at the statistics. The average man has typical characteristics. For example, we tend to be messier and emotionally duller. The average shorter lifespan of males and a suicide rate multiple times higher than that of females are indicators that there is a problem. Why mention messiness? Not as a point of discipline, but because being in a clean environment plays an important part in emotional well-being. Females, having this emotional self-awareness, tend to keep their places tidy, but I believe most of us guys don’t realize that living in a mess makes us feel terrible.
As further evidence, men more often have some form of addiction to substances. The abuse of alcohol and narcotics is a way of trying to escape emotional pain. This emotional pain mostly just confuses the average man. In typical society, men are expected to display all their traits externally — good careers, physical strength, etc. But there’s little mention of internal well-being. Culturally, we learn to avoid inner depth by ignoring the strange feelings inside.
But what does this have to do with mommy issues? Well, if the average male model is group-oriented — for example, a man of the tribe, whether in an office, the army, or another large formation — females are more likely family-oriented. This makes them quite empathetic beings. Naturally, a mother takes care of her baby boy, from typically doing household tasks to guiding him toward a happy marriage and perfect family, at least in her own opinion. We’ve all heard the stories of the husband’s mother, a person who tries to drive away an unpleasant girl for the sake of her boy’s happiness. But where is the problem? When emotional well-being is taken off a man’s/boy’s shoulders, it keeps him stuck in a form of emotional immaturity. This is exactly what I refer to as mommy issues.
Usually, there is a struggle. The young couple faces a lot of challenges. But if the man has not cut his emotional umbilical cord with his mother, that will be a miserable relationship or even life itself. A man with mommy issues has no idea about his emotional world. Of course, he wants to be happy, but for that, he seeks someone who will take care of his emotional well-being. Somebody who will take the role of his new mommy — doing the tasks at home, taking care of his empty stomach, and most importantly, loving him fully despite everything. Well, for goodness’ sake, this is all our dream, guys… But this is bad for our brain and well-being.
While attending my lecture session on sexology, one of the most respected Latvian professors on the subject pointed out that separation from the mother is the most challenging thing in a man’s life. There are countless examples of so-called basement dwellers who live off their mothers’ support, not always financially but most definitely emotionally. It’s no surprise why dealing with mommy issues is such a problem. Firstly, we lack emotionally mature men in society — men who are not afraid to feel things and take the right action even if tears fill their eyes. Too many dads leave family life, and that is a truly terrible phenomenon.
Secondly, the expectations of what a man is supposed to be in our society are unhealthy. From the politics of “boys never cry” to the dull and aggressive manliness portrayed as the ideal, the expectation for boys never to cry means they start blocking and bottling up their bad feelings. Therefore, this is a ticket to escape addiction.
Finally, there’s the big problem of a culture where a woman is portrayed as the caretaker. If a man has no responsibility for his own emotional well-being, things will never get better. There are countless examples of women trying to save men from alcoholism, gambling, or crippling depression. But this is our own personal battle, sweethearts.
Unfortunately, mommy issues are quite dominant in our society. And unfortunately, we are men, and we prefer not to talk about our problems. Because it’s better to live a shorter life, drown in alcoholism, and never have truly bonding times with our children.
I believe there would be a better world if we shrugged off false manliness — the dull, violent lies that grow men into monsters capable of unspeakable sins towards themselves, women, and children.
Thank you for taking the time with me on this idea!
With Love and Care, Darian
