Why does Love fundamentally burn?

To all the broken-hearted out there

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All of us have had this gal or guy who dared to play on our heartstrings. A lot of tears, bad feelings, and hits to our own personal ego. Despite our seemingly technologically advanced species, we are able to conquer space yet have never mastered the art of love. The big question is why we are able to cure diseases and build technological wonders, yet our blood-pumping organ always gets into big trouble.

By far, we have all been broken-hearted at some point in our lives. For me, it was the moment when my lovely, psychologically unstable partner tried to cope with the world through regular consumption of narcotics. And curse my logic and all the reason in my mind. Seemingly, any sense left my body, and I chose to suffer beside an unhealthy partner. Well, no happy ending here. Mr. Savior got dumped. With my heart shattered into pieces and my wondering mind asking the question, “Why? What did I do wrong?” I believe that it is a relatable feeling, and yet why does all of this happen?

Fortunately, right now I am in a healthier relationship. Despite all the suffering, challenges, and heartaches that are a part of it, lately, my partner decided to visit family in Ukraine. The city is not far from the front line. Since the moment of the idea, I claimed it was complete madness. But people can be bold and stubborn with their decisions. And now love is putting me on my knees again. I am angry, scared, and despairing. Such overwhelming emotions make my body simply give up. I don’t eat or drink, and my blood pressure has skyrocketed. Moments like these make us seek refuge in coldness, fooling ourselves that we no longer love this person. It’s just a strategy for keeping ourselves together. And yet, why is love so humbling, why is it capable of turning our insides upside down?

It doesn’t matter who you are — Julius Caesar in the hands of Cleopatra or Napoleon on his knees in front of Josephine. Love can be stingy, controlling, painful, and extremely disabling. But why does it work like that?

From a moral perspective, I see only two answers:

1. It humbles us in front of the Universe. As people, we come into this world as extremely egoistic beings. Most of the time, we are ready to do anything to seek our own pleasure. Let’s not lose ourselves in counting all the corrupt acts done by any structure of power in human history. There are enough examples of human selfishness. And yet love makes us see that something is more important than ourselves. Loving people are capable of great sacrifice towards the subject of their love. So, love can be an extremely important state that plays a role in a just and healthy society.
2. Love is an important step in psychological maturity. First, we learn to enjoy, then to like, then to maintain friendship, and then to be responsible towards something. Love is a mindset where you see somebody or something in its purest state and yet are able to accept it with all the sour costs. If immature love is singular, then mature love is universal. Because it is a skill, craftsmanship, an ability to understand and appreciate. In this case, it goes far beyond just marrying and having a family with someone special. Of course, it could be an important step in finally learning to accept the world through your partner.

Despite all the heartbreaks and tough moments in relationships, it humbles our hearts towards our commonly shared world. Strangely, we are a form of twisted family sharing the same space and time, yet too self-indulgent and ignorant to see it. Maybe that’s the reason for a broken heart — to finally clear the mist of egoism?

With Love and Care, Darian