{ENOUGH} A Poem For Healing: Reclaiming Self Love & Self Acceptance

TOO MUCH!

“You’re just too much,”

She said.

TOO LOUD!

“You’re too loud,”

He said.

TOO MANY!

“Too many questions,

Too many needs,”

They said.

TOO BIG!

“Your body, your legs, your hips,

Too big,”

I heard.

Over

And over

And over…

And over again.

Too loud!

“You laugh, you talk, you are too loud,” they said!

TOO SMART!

“You’re too smart for your own good,”

They said.

TOO MUCH!

“You think too much!

You feel too much!

You ask too much!

You’re too sensitive,”

Many said…

And one day

Finally…

I believed.

Eventually

I believed

The voices

Of my too-muchness

Creeping into my head…

Crying myself to sleep.

Guilt.

I’d feel such guilt

Such shame.

To speak.

To need.

To eat.

To succeed.

To be human!

So I tried…

I tried so hard

to be smaller,

quieter,

less.

To repress

the expansiveness

of my expression.

To reject…

my natural aliveliness

For fear of rejection.

Fearing

I would not

I could not

I did not

Belong.

I worried…

That at my center

At my core

I was bad

I was wrong.

And that I

Did not matter.

I feared

I would never

Could never

Be accepted

Loved

For who I was

For who I am…

Without expectation.

And shame.

Shame grew

It grew like a wild thorny weed

Everywhere!

Choking

That’s which was

Beautiful

Precious

Special.

And I began

I began

To hide…

My face,

My voice,

My needs,

My curves,

My vulnerability,

My soul.

And alongside like nightshade

of shame

Sadness,

Grief

Anger

Began to grow

Because somehow,

Some fucking how…

Despite all attempts

It didn’t seem to matter

The voices followed me

Everywhere.

No matter

My largeness or smallness

My loudness or softness

Or too muchness

I was never quite

Enough.

And no matter who I was

Or what I changed

Or who I tried to be

To meet their standards

Their expectations

To please them…

It was never

Enough.

It was never enough!

But today…

that ends

Because now,

I’ve had enough!

THIS IS ME!

And that dear world

Is enough

for me.

Hoʻoponopono

My intention and wish in sharing this poem is for healing.

My own and others who choose to be touched by these words, and find healing within themselves.

Forgive ourselves and each other… returning to the love that we are.

Trusting that within each of us, we have the power to let go of the past, heal our childhood, life, ancestral (and other life) trauma’s by chossing to let go of all victim identities and be free.

Thank you. I love you. I’m sorry. Please forgive me.

Aloha.

Written 13 October 2017. Grotto Bay, South Africa

by Jacqueline du Plessis aka Aloha Jacqueline

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Songs and poems written by artist Aloha Jacqueline

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