{ENOUGH} A Poem For Healing: Reclaiming Self Love & Self Acceptance
TOO MUCH!
“You’re just too much,”
She said.
TOO LOUD!
“You’re too loud,”
He said.
TOO MANY!
“Too many questions,
Too many needs,”
They said.
TOO BIG!
“Your body, your legs, your hips,
Too big,”
I heard.
Over
And over
And over…
And over again.
Too loud!
“You laugh, you talk, you are too loud,” they said!
TOO SMART!
“You’re too smart for your own good,”
They said.
TOO MUCH!
“You think too much!
You feel too much!
You ask too much!
You’re too sensitive,”
Many said…
And one day
Finally…
I believed.
Eventually
I believed
The voices
Of my too-muchness
Creeping into my head…
Crying myself to sleep.
Guilt.
I’d feel such guilt
Such shame.
To speak.
To need.
To eat.
To succeed.
To be human!
So I tried…
I tried so hard
to be smaller,
quieter,
less.
To repress
the expansiveness
of my expression.
To reject…
my natural aliveliness
For fear of rejection.
Fearing
I would not
I could not
I did not
Belong.
I worried…
That at my center
At my core
I was bad
I was wrong.
And that I
Did not matter.
I feared
I would never
Could never
Be accepted
Loved
For who I was
For who I am…
Without expectation.
And shame.
Shame grew
It grew like a wild thorny weed
Everywhere!
Choking
That’s which was
Beautiful
Precious
Special.
And I began
I began
To hide…
My face,
My voice,
My needs,
My curves,
My vulnerability,
My soul.
And alongside like nightshade
of shame
Sadness,
Grief
Anger
Began to grow
Because somehow,
Some fucking how…
Despite all attempts
It didn’t seem to matter
The voices followed me
Everywhere.
No matter
My largeness or smallness
My loudness or softness
Or too muchness
I was never quite
Enough.
And no matter who I was
Or what I changed
Or who I tried to be
To meet their standards
Their expectations
To please them…
It was never
Enough.
It was never enough!
But today…
that ends
Because now,
I’ve had enough!
THIS IS ME!
And that dear world
Is enough
for me.
Hoʻoponopono
My intention and wish in sharing this poem is for healing.
My own and others who choose to be touched by these words, and find healing within themselves.
Forgive ourselves and each other… returning to the love that we are.
Trusting that within each of us, we have the power to let go of the past, heal our childhood, life, ancestral (and other life) trauma’s by chossing to let go of all victim identities and be free.
Thank you. I love you. I’m sorry. Please forgive me.
Aloha.
Written 13 October 2017. Grotto Bay, South Africa
by Jacqueline du Plessis aka Aloha Jacqueline
