New Girl on Medium
I have been wanting to write this for a couple of months now. I wanted to start this article a million different ways in hopes that it will attract the right attention from other readers and writers.
But I keep letting the fear and insecurity I have about my writing and the judgments of others hold me back from sharing my words with the world.
I know I have a lot to say. I have a lot to share. More importantly though, I really just want to connect with other like-minded people and talk about the things I think matter most. So, I’m okay with my first post being imperfect and raw.
I have been reading on Medium for a few months now and I am so in love with it. Before I found Medium, I thought of just jumping into the blog world and create my own site from scratch. But starting your own blog seems so daunting and it honestly intimidates me. I also know that my writing skills could be improved. So, I’m really looking forward to receiving feedback from other wonderful Medium readers and writers to enhance those skills, work towards building my own blog site, and communicate with others that share the same interests as myself.
I also wanted to take the time in my first blog post to introduce myself and share a little bit about my journey, for those that may be interested.
Ultimately, my journey started at birth. But for the sake of your time and mine, I’m going to skip through childhood and jump into my college years. I graduated from high school in 2014. High school was just okay for me. I had a few friends, took a lot of AP classes, and kept myself busy with work.
After high school, I enrolled at my local community college to take some general education requirements and some classes that piqued my interest. The majority of my classes were psychology focused. So, after I finished the classes I could at the community college, I transferred to Eastern Michigan University where I did the bare minimum to get my bachelors’ in psychology and chemistry.
High school and college felt like it was a very passive time in my life. I don’t remember a lot from that time because I was hardly ever living in the present moment. I was just doing what I had to do to get the good grades and not appear like a social outcast for having other dreams and aspirations for myself that did not fit in with either my family or socieities’ expectations. And possibly even my own.
I thought that I could do a lot with a psychology degree, so it felt safe. I never really thought about or questioned the future outcome of the degree or the fact that I wasn’t doing much to make my C/V look super-duper impressive to future employers. I just kept forcing myself to do the ‘next thing’ that looked right.
After I graduated from EMU in 2018, I felt like the ONLY next move for me was graduate school because I feared that I would have to work in retail for the rest of my life. That year, I was accepted to Adler University in Chicago, IL, where I would spend the next 2–3 years working on a masters in mental health counseling.
What a dream! I was accepted into a graduate school that was so aligned with my mental health and social activism. And to top it off, it was in a city I had always wanted to live in.
This truly ended up being the best thing for me. But not in the way you might think.
St. Patricks Day weekend of 2019 was a real awakening for me and my soul. The panic attack I had that weekend in a local Chicago bar woke me up to the harsh reality that I had been removed so far from who I truly am, what I believe in, and what I really want out of this one life. I was just passively walking through life, rarely ever feeling alive.
March 17th was the day I decided no more. I left graduate school mid-semester, moved back to Michigan, and decided that I was going to dedicate the rest of my life to finding joy and living in the present. I was done being depressed. I was done letting fear, anxiety, disappointment, expectations, pressure, shame, insecurities, people-pleasing, approval, and caring about what other people think control my life.
I think a lot of people experience these “spiritual awakenings” or epiphanies, just as I have. The only problem, in my opinion, is that I’m not sure we’re taking this serious enough as a society.
I don’t think we talk enough about spirituality, the ego, human vs. being, mental health, joy, vulnerability, and so many other topics that matter. And because of that, people don’t pay attention to those things. Some people don’t even know they exist or that they can do something about their unhappiness. This kind of stuff matters and definitely needs focus!
So, I hope to be a part of that change. During these last few months, I was thrilled to find other bloggers and youtubers that understand and spread the word on those topics! It made me feel like I wasn’t alone when I began researching life.
There are thousands of people out in the world preaching about what it means to fully show up in our lives. A few people who have inspired me to jump into this revolution are Dr. Brené Brown, Oprah Winfrey, Glennon Doyle, Eckhart Tolle, Tich Naht Han, Dalai Lama, Elizabeth Gilbert, Amy Schumer, Malala Yousafazi, Ram Dass, and so many more. They have all taught me different bits and pieces about what it means to be fully present, how to live a wholehearted life, what it takes to chase my dreams, how to love the world and all humans, and how to align with who I truly am.
2019 will be a year that I will forever remember as my spiritual awakening. The year I finally woke up to my life. Seems crazy at age 22 that I am just now beginning to understand who I am, but this is where I find myself. And I am so excited to document this new chapter in my life.
I sincerely appreciate any time you spent reading the words I wrote. Thank you for letting me be vulnerable with you.
I plan to write more about the topics I mentioned earlier, as well as more about me because there is A LOT more to my story than just this article. I think there is power in sharing our personal stories and I am looking forward to connecting with anyone that comes across my posts.
Have a beautiful day!
