Synthesis is the Answer in Relationship
The middle way and an embrace of paradox is our way ahead
There is nothing more satisfying than synthesis.
It takes us above the warring polarities within our own nature, the schism of relationship and politics into a place of fulfilment and peace.
Synthesis remains the greatest rarity, an answer to our problems and an embracing of paradox as yet rarely lived. This is not a poisoned compromise nor one winning at the expense of another, rather an honouring of both.
We can be both kindly and mean on occasion, self absorbed at times then profligate in our generosity to others. In fact, it could be argued that a true human being owns both realities: that considered bad and that hailed as goodness.
If you look at many admirable people, you may notice they have a vitality often lacking, are not afraid to risk speaking up and being unpopular and usually have as much darkness as they do light.
After all, a great light casts a great shadow. If we are willing to make friends with this shadow, it is less likely we will dump it on others. We will also gain access to a surprising amount of energy.
Sainthood, often conferred on a holier-than-thou do-gooder, is more of a conjoining of ego and shadow, each equally weighted. The idea that we should be good all the time has probably given rise to more ‘evil’ than anything in history.
The world is filled with ‘holy’ men whose darker face has been forced underground only to later tarnish their own name and their institution’s.
Is it not one of the great lessons of history that when we try too hard to be ‘good’ someone somewhere will pay the price for our denial?
Jung, the great psychiatrist, whose discoveries came from diving deeply into his own psyche, tells us the first half of life is about ‘doing the right thing’, developing one’s career and family and paying homage to Caesar, the worldly king.
He went on to say, the second half is to redeem those parts of us we rejected in order to become part of the culture and go on to work at making ourselves whole or ‘holy’.
One of his students, Robert Johnson, gives sage advice:
‘We may have to hide our darkness from our society but never from ourselves.’
But what do we do with our darker impulses? To make them safe, we can turn them into artful expression after fully acknowledging them. We can also ritualise them.
The Christian mass, certainly in its old form, he says, understood the necessity of both darkness and light and offered both the same value. So should we.
Yet since medieval times and before, we have failed to comprehend the value of darkness instead projecting it on to others. We are all guilty of this.
But it is only a psychological mechanism and one which with effort and awareness can be changed.
‘The ego is primarily engaged in its own defence and the furthering of its aims. Everything that interferes with it must be repressed,’ says Jack Sanford, a priest.
How many budding relationships are ruined in just this way, with one egocentric person choosing their own pursuits over the love staring them in the face?
We know it happens all the time and yet it is also part of that person’s growth and development and should be accepted
The rise of romantic love since the 12th century when it became a cultural phenomenon in the west lit a fire in people akin to religious ecstasy and this is the closest many will ever get to knowing God.
And yet again and again we discover its high voltage is too much for our small human vessel and — like anything roaring with ferocious heat — it needs a sizeable container built with an awareness usually lacking in its recipients.
We so often fail because we lack the consciousness that could stop us polarizing against one another, our inability to see there is a hidden unity in our battling.
How often does one person take up an opposing position simply because they feel they have to balance out the other?
The paradox is that concealed from view is the pivot where both parties could be at peace.
© Simon Heathcote
