Stop Asking if I Need Help!
One of the most frustrating aspects of being in a wheelchair is people constantly asking me if I need help.
The difficulty of the task I’m working to accomplish is irrelevant. If I’m doing anything in public, invariably someone will ask me if I need help with it.
It’s frustrating for two reasons.
One, I know they’re trying to be kind by making my day a little easier. I genuinely appreciate that, especially given how self-absorbed and inconsiderate people can be these days. However, I worked my ass off to regain my independence after my accident. I relish being able to do things for myself because I lived through an extended period of time in which I was dependent on others for virtually everything.
Two, I know they’re only asking because of the wheelchair. They see me in my chair and, whether they do so consciously or not, leap to the assumption that I’m deficient in some, if not most ways. Moreover, when I refuse help or assure them I can accomplish the task on my own, they almost always follow up with, “Are you sure?”
It’s belittling, degrading, and patronizing if not infantilizing. It’s a clear message that, due to my inability to walk, I’m less than, Other, and generally incapable.
And it makes me wish I hadn’t survived the accident that crippled me.
