Kemal Palevi’s Bra Prank is Everything That’s Wrong with Sexuality in Indonesia

Or, How We Severely Misunderstand Everything About Respect and Consent

DISCLAIMER: One day after he put out the video, Kemal Palevi has thus made an official apology on Twitter. This is not intended as an attack on Kemal the person — I don’t like mob justice, for better or worse, and he said he’s learned his lesson anyway (not sure how much, but let’s just hope the poor dumb bastard won’t do these things again). This is simply a critical commentary on the phenomena as a whole.

First, here is the video:

Then, here comes the apology:

UPDATE: I first wanted to cancel the publication of this piece, seeing that Kemal has made an apology (however problematic it might be). But more and more I see people, some of whom are celebrities, continue to endorse the behavior, throwing defense after defense, and it’s really getting me frustrated.

The video has now been made private, but the gist of it is that Kemal Palevi goes around asking random girls in public places — some as young as fourteen — about the size of their breasts, and having a good laugh while at it. I’m leaving the dysfunctional embed in any case, but here are my points below.

A Humiliating Ignorance

Let’s start with the obvious. It should be common sense that no person should be ever subjected to a recorded questioning of things they may consider private information. This is the definition of public humiliation, pure and simple. It takes a whole lot of ignorance to trump such an obvious logic. Sadly, that is precisely what has been displayed.

Since when are breast sizes a neutral question, when everyone seems to be judging your prowess and character based on it? When people stare, when people attempt to grope? Shame is a questionable aspect of our culture — and humiliation is an enforcer, not a resistor.

Later, Kemal acknowledged his sheer dumb ignorance on the matter, but let me take a moment to point out that ignorance is never neutral. Ignorance is always constructed and politically charged — one is ignorant when one is not able to see the constructions and cultural politics that shape one’s views.

Again, it takes a whole new level of ignorance to miss this point. It speaks so much of the blindness of gender violence pervasive in society.

A Racist Cop-Out

And then there is that thing again. The “culturalization” of problems. Kemal tweeted that he should have realized that “American” pranks such as this one would not go down well in Indonesia. There is just so much flaw in that one sentence alone I have lost the ability to can.

I wonder what Americans would say to our incessant finger-pointing that every sexually harassing activity is inherently American. Of course, it doesn’t need to be pointed out that having a grown man ask fourteen year-olds in public about the size of their breasts is, and should be, a punishable offense in any part of the world.

I really cannot express my revulsion at this very idea. Saying that a certain kind of harassment is inherent to a particular country or race is a highly racist remark in itself. And people are actually using it to justify their own sexually harassing activities… I’m guessing that ability to can won’t be coming back any time soon.

And, oh, hey. Look what at the supporters are saying. The sane people questioning this behavior are now seen as “too serious” and “not willing to have fun.” It rings a very disturbing bell.

The Cruel Injunction to Have Fun

“Fun” is never a neutral term. How many times have you heard this accusation being thrown about to those speaking up against sexual hara ssment? A girl gets drunk and has non-consensual sex, and when she speaks up, people say she can’t have fun. A girl gets groped at work, and when she fights back, people say she can’t take a little joke.

It sickens me to the core that such a positive concept like “fun” has been endlessly reappropriated to serve the standards of those in power. There is nothing fun about using people for one’s own ego stroking, then blames the other party for not enjoying it.

It’s just cruelty, pure and simple.

The Dumbest Question Ever

“But why do the girls smile?” they asked. “Why don’t they lash out and get angry?”

These, of course, are questions only those who have never experienced harassment can ask.

Let me break it down for you beginners. Humiliation and harassment, especially those that are very ingrained in our culture, is different from pain. It doesn’t spark that gut reaction of hurt and anger.

First and foremost, it sparks a kind of cognitive dissonance. There is a disjunct in your head, a kind of shock and disgust. But there is also a kind of automatic repression, a thought of “Let’s not overreact and see where this goes”.

We don’t know what to do. So we laugh. To ease the awkwardness, to dampen a possible conflict. To convince ourselves that, maybe, if we can just force ourselves to enjoy it, we will get rid of that strange, awkward feeling. So we smile, and we try to be kind.

Then, later — often all too late — comes that icky feeling. Did that really just happen? Did I really just let that happen? Did I actually smile at the guy? Thoughts of all the could-haves and should-haves run in your head, going round and round in endless spirals.

And they’re not just simple thoughts, either. These are thoughts that linger long after the event has taken place, thoughts that lodge themselves deep in your head, along with questions of your body image and sexuality, of how to behave and what to desire, of who is dirty and who is right.

This Thing Called “Consent”

To think that fourteen year-olds are subjected to this. On video. By a member of the opposite sex whose social standing as a national celebrity puts him way above in relations of power. It makes one wonder whether those in support of Kemal’s actions have ever even heard of this thing called “consent.”

When a woman smiles and is kind to you, does that mean you can toy with her body image? Let alone minors — with such little sexual education, with talk of female sexuality being such a taboo, even adults often feel repressed on the question of consent. And don’t even get me started on social status and peer pressure.

It’s great to be a man, right? Because you can basically go around like the horny piece of ass you are, making fun of women and their bodies, and people will only laugh at you. Women aren’t like that, you see. They’re supposed to repress themselves while at the same time pretend to like being objectified, pretend to wear short skirts and make-up for your approval, because, hey, we’re all just having fun, right?

It’s amazing how much a man can commit this kind of a blunder and get away by telling the world he’s just dumb, then going on to blame the victim for not lashing out and preventing him to go further while at it. It’s the logical equivalent of raping an unconcsious girl at a party then defending yourself by saying you were horny and the girl couldn’t punch you back, anyway.

The “Moral Police” Labeling

What’s also very disturbing is that some people are defending the action as free speech, and the accusation as “moral policing.” This sheer ignorance of the difference between moral policing and a genuine struggle for equality speaks so much.

Let me break it down for you. Moral policing is based on an enforcement of power relations — those in power should remain in power, and society should be disciplined as such. Ladies should cover their body, everyone should follow the word of God, and anyone who fails to do so deserves pain and humiliation.

A struggle for equality is pretty much the exact opposite: It identifies oppressive power relations within society — the culture of violence crystallized within jokes and norms of how we should and should not lead our lives — and calls it out. It doesn’t hesitate to point a finger at those perpetuating violence, through intent or ignorance, even in the most seemingly innocent products and daily habits. Let alone this kind of “prank.”

The moral police is that person who tells you how a lady should behave, what she should look like, and what role she should play in a relationship. The iconoclast is the person who kicks that dude in the nuts.

It saddens me how many people that identify themselves as progressives fail to see this very basic difference. No, people aren’t harassing themselves when they pose naked for the camera if they agree to do so. Yes, we are harassing people when we make fun of their private parts in public without their consent.

It really is that simple.