The Alchemy of Hatred
Hate has been on my mind. A friend moved into a new home and her neighbor hates her for no apparent reason. It is hard to know what to do with that. It feels like hatred is in the ambient air these days. And indeed, there has been a surge in hate crimes in the United States over the past year. These crimes and ubiquitous coverage of our political divisions makes it seem that we are swimming in a deep sea of hate. Maybe we are? I hope not. I hope that the reality on the ground, up close between individuals, is more complex and that our tendency toward compassion — the counterbalance to our tendency toward aggression — is as strong as ever.
As I consider the idea that hating is a built-in part of being human, I found an abundance of research, scholarly articles, magazine pieces and books on hate and hate crimes. One of the most interesting pieces I found was a Psychology Today articles from 2011, breaking down the “process” of hate. The idea is that haters don’t generally hate alone, they seek out others who will enhance and compound their feelings, and that often a weather systems of haters happens. These are situations where haters find each other and begin to develop a method to translate their feelings into actions. The haters are, according to almost every article I read, dealing with conscious or subconscious insecurities, are often overwhelmed by these feelings, and once they find each other, they are able to externalize their feelings. Author Jack Shafer describes the process of translating feelings of hate into coordinated actions (everything from basic office bullying to hate crimes to genocide), following 7 steps: the haters gather; the hate group defines itself; the hate group disparages the target; the hate group taunts the target; the hate group attacks the target without weapons; the hate group attacks the target with weapons; the hate group destroys the target.
This is scary stuff — the idea that small insecurities and the natural human impulse to externalize the pain and discomfort of that insecurity can grow quickly and exponentially, leading to very real destruction of lives on an individual or mass scale. It feels especially important at this politically volatile moment in history, rife with negative emotions and distrust, to take personal responsibility to manage and diffuse feelings of hatred. There are many excellent articles and advice columns about dealing with your own anger and hatred, and most involve some sort of mindfulness. One of the more interesting ideas I came across is the idea that we can learn from the person we hate. In other words, the rouge feelings of hatred offer us clues about our own insecurities and deep-seeded fears, offering opportunity for personal growth.
A story that appears repeatedly in writings about hate is a tale that is purportedly Native American in origin, offering wisdom with the signature simplicity and palatability of great stories. A grandfather tells his grandson that he has two wolves battling inside of him: one is a wolf of peace and love; the other is a wolf of fear, greed and hatred. The grandson asks his grandfather, “Which wolf will win, grandfather?” “Whichever one you feed,” the grandfather tells the young boy.
