Table for One, Please

There have been many articles and listicles, majority of them self-help on how going out and eating alone makes you comfortable with yourself, helps you retrospect and introspect, a step towards being and owning your own person, yada yada yada.

Well, I have tried this out and gone to eat alone, and quite recently too. Now let me tell you from experience, eating outside alone is not all it’s made out to be. It was one of the most uncomfortable experiences ever.

Everything is fine and dandy in the beginning — you walk up, the maître d’hôtel greets you, you enjoy the look when you tell him that you are going to dine there, and it is in fact not a take-away order. Then starts the ordeal.

The Chinese place I had gone to that Saturday afternoon didn’t have even tables for two. So I made myself comfortable on a plush couch at a table meant for four. After giving my order of a rice and gravy side dish, I settled down to wait, eat in peace, take in the decor, the aroma, the flavours and then leave. Unfortunately, it wasn’t so simple.

I finally got my food. In a huge bowl meant for two. Gosh people, I specified that I was alone, not waiting for anyone and gave the order, couldn’t you save a little food and serve servings meant for a single normal person to eat? Now I also have the added guilt of wasting away around one-third of the meal, on top of stuffing myself as much as I can. But, hey, you ask, can’t you pack it up for dinner? Unfortunately, my dear reader, I already had plans for dinner, so it would have rotted away if I’d taken it home, as opposed to hopefully feeding the waiter’s family or any needy or an animal if I left it at the restaurant.

I am eating alone after a long time, the only alone-time I ever get is walking from work to home, or home to work. I am very much enjoying the peace and space, when suddenly a waiter pops up — “How’s the meal M’am? Too spicy? You like it?”. I am enjoying it thank you very much. At the end of my first serving — “Can I help you serve M’am?” No thank you I am fine. So much for alone time.

Even when they are not directly talking to you, you know they are staring. Alert for any need I might have. Excessively polite. It is worse because you know they leave you alone when you have company. It crossed my mind that they may have thought I was a restaurant critic or a journalist. But still.

All I wanted was a nice meal in peace with myself. Apparently society thinks that your own self is not much company at all.