A guide to one-on-one meetings: Tips for managers and team leads

Published in

Space307

8 min readApr 27, 2023

Hey there! My name is Anna, and I’m the HRBP at Space307. I’ve been working in HR for seven years and recently joined the renowned Society for Human Resource Management (SHRM).

Throughout my career, I’ve worked with many managers and team leaders, providing HR support in people management. Very often, when a professional discussion touches upon one-on-one meetings between manager and employee, managers seem bewildered by the idea and even express resistance. Here are the most popular arguments and concerns:

One-on-one meetings serve no purpose, as we already have regular standups and other team meetings.
One-on-ones are “nonversations.” Time is precious and better spent on tasks that really matter.
One-on-ones raise uncertainty: what to discuss, how to build a dialogue, how to structure a meeting — so many questions but no clear answers.

Do you want to get straight answers and become a master of one-on-ones? Let’s start by reviewing the What, Why and How of an effective one-on-one meeting.

The What

One-on-ones are regular and organized meetings for managers and employees to discuss issues and problems that concern the employee. This is a safe space your employee can use to raise questions, ask for feedback, or discuss future plans and goals.

Key elements:

Regularity. Meet with your employee monthly or quarterly to let them know they haven’t been forgotten. Regular meetings are a great way to keep track of mutual commitments.
Coherency. Each new meeting should follow on from the previous one. Together, they form a series of beneficial meetings. To achieve coherence, take notes and keep track of the progress on action points that were agreed upon in prior one-on-one meetings. One-on-ones can have a powerful positive impact when the manager and employee follow through with their commitments.

Note: Regular meetings don’t mean you should only talk to your employees during scheduled meetings. Should urgent matters arise, request an unplanned meeting instead of waiting for the next one-on-one.

The Why

In one-on-one meetings, employees can:

Know they are getting the manager’s attention and feel looked after.
Discuss any issues face-to-face with the manager and cope with stress better.
Receive feedback on their performance and affirmation that their contribution to the common cause is being recognized.
Learn about the manager’s and company’s expectations.
Discuss professional growth and ask the manager to assist in achieving career goals.

At the same time, team leads can:

Build trusting relationships with each team member.
Monitor their employees’ motivation levels and keep track of any changes within the team.
Learn about each employee’s goals and plans, and help them fulfill their ambitions.
Engage employees in the company by sharing its objectives and mission.
Align the expectations of the company with the employee.
Receive feedback on their performance.
Spot potential issues for the company and address them promptly.

Note: A one-on-one meeting is not a counseling session, nor is it a space to lecture your employees on how they should be living their lives.

The How

By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail

One-on-ones are not for catching up or chit-chatting. To make a meeting meaningful, you need to work out an agenda. Whether to share that agenda with an employee entirely depends on the objective of the meeting.

If you’re meeting with a team member to give feedback on their performance, sending them an agenda beforehand is appropriate. However, if you want to talk to your employee because you have concerns about their behaving differently, for example, sharing the agenda may negatively affect them and prevent them from opening up.

Before each meeting, go over your notes from the previous one and check the status of each action point. It’s important that each action point is being progressed upon. Suppose your employee raised a problem and you worked out an action plan together, but didn’t follow through with it. The next time there’s an issue, the employee may be less inclined to share their concerns or suggestions, as they don’t seem to be taken seriously. A trustworthy relationship is built on following through with agreements. This works both ways: It’s also a problem if your employee regularly breaks their promises.

Note: The perfect timeframe for a one-on-one meeting is 30–60 minutes. It can be challenging to squeeze everything in half an hour or stay sharp for over an hour.

Let’s go through the structure of the meeting together.

Introduction. Putting a warm and friendly spin on the conversation will help the employee relax and open up. If you’re familiar with the art of small talk — great! Ask the employee how they’re doing, make a joke, share an interesting fact, and then move on to the main part.
Main. This part depends on the objective of the meeting. This is the time to ask the questions you’ve prepared. Make sure to keep an eye on the time so you can discuss all your points. Something else worth mentioning here is your employee’s motivation. Try to discern it unobtrusively during the conversation, and do so every meeting, as motivation changes over time.

Note: Take notes. They are key to preparing the next one-on-one.

Closing. Summarize the meeting, go through the action points one more time, and jot them down. To ensure that you both understand the action points in the same way, ask the employee to follow up with a post-meeting report or write one yourself.

Possible obstacles

Some team leads feel like they pester their employees with questions during one-on-ones. It’s tempting to think that if something is really wrong, your employees will share their problems. However, this belief is false and harmful to effective team management. You need to know what makes your team tick so you can improve communication and resolve issues as they come.

On the other hand, some managers don’t even know what to ask. Before entering a meeting, think about which topics must be discussed and prepare about two to five questions. The internet has a wealth of articles offering a variety of one-on-one questions. Check out our list of helpful resources at the end of this article to fuel your next one-on-one with powerful questions.

Finally, understand that there is no universal method to avoiding socially desirable responding, as it all depends on the situation and the person. Try leading questions or ask your employee to talk about a specific example, and don’t forget to take notes. If you suspect SDR and feel the topic is uncomfortable for the person, move on to the next point. Try to gently return to the unsettled issue again later.

How to know when something is wrong

The team lead, the employee, or both don’t follow through with the action points.
The team lead talks more than the employee.
The team lead forces their position without attempting to understand their employee.
The team lead doesn’t take notes, causing the one-on-ones to be disorganized.
The employee doesn’t engage in the dialog and gives only short answers. Try to find the reason by asking leading questions, or change the subject to ease the tension and avoid coming off as intrusive. Analyze the conversation after the meeting, assess the general atmosphere, think about how the employee has behaved before, and note any changes.

I’ve worked out a checklist that contains everything for an effective one-on-one. Save it to keep these valuable tips on hand!

Checklist for a compelling one-on-one meeting

Before the meeting

Define the objective.
Review your notes and check the progress on the action points agreed upon in the previous one-on-one.
Prepare feedback for the employee.
Determine whether there are any important company updates that need to be shared.
Draw up a set of questions.

Over time, you’ll master the art of asking the same questions in different ways across meetings. For now, you can find inspiration in my list of questions and in the selected articles at the end.

Small talk

How was your weekend?

Have you seen that new movie? Did you like it?

Ongoing tasks

Could you assess your current workload?

Do you like the tasks you’re working on?

What work done over the past month are you proud of?

Are you facing any challenges completing tasks? Could you elaborate?

Professional growth

What is the direction of your further professional development?

Are there specific tasks you’d like to work on?

Motivation

Are you getting what you expected when you joined the company?

Is there anything you would like to improve? For example, our business flows or team communication?

Communication

How are things in the team?

Are you satisfied with your team’s communication?

Do you have enough information about the goals of your team and the company?

During the meeting

Stick to your plan and timing.
Get the ball rolling with friendly small talk (5 minutes).
Discuss the outcome of the last one-on-one and current progress on action points (5–10 minutes).
Discuss the topics planned (15–30 minutes).
Invite questions and answer them (5–10 minutes).
Summarize the meeting.
Decide on when the next meeting will be.

After the meeting

Write a post-meeting report with action points.
Check on the employee’s progress on the action points.
Share your own progress.
Mark the next one-on-one in the calendar.

One-on-ones are a great tool for building trust, tracking changes, sharing feedback and planning professional growth. Like any tool, it has to be treated with care and applied correctly. I hope my experience and recommendations will help you do just that. May you all have successful one-on-ones!