Why Does The Spiritual Journey Feel So Meaningless At Times?
This article is an answer to the above question asked in this post.
There are a couple different angles that I am going to answer this question from.
To the person who asked: I am not assuming that you meant the question in any particular way!
My goal is to provide more space and clarity for whoever is reading this. This article is written with the intention of being direct and practical. Something that you can follow along with.
I wish you a peaceful reading experience!
The Meaning of Meaningless
If one observes the feelings that often arise when we feel something is meaningless, they could be described as feelings of fruitlessness. Maybe a sense of discouragement or disappointment. Mixed with a sad curiosity that beckons the question;
“What’s the point? I am not getting anywhere. I am not getting what I desire, be it emotional relief or material achievement.”
With the western-cultural standard in the world today we have naturally fallen into a trend of achievement-spirituality. There is a certain assumption at some level that the spiritual journey has an objective, definable, achievable destination, but this is not so.
This has caused some compulsions to feel like we need to meditate for a certain length of time, manifest the highest success, have the most trippy experience, or have specific positive emotions.
If we believe in this trend we will inevitably feel as though we are failing at something. This failure is a relative measurement against the people who are claiming an achievement.
There may also be a variety of personal psychological mental-emotional structures that lend to these feelings.
Through a variety practices we can see our way out of these structures, and find the title of this post taking on a different nuance.
Which is
Meaningless Feelings as a Response To Emptiness
“Why does my spiritual journey sometimes lead me to a feeling of emptiness, where it seems like nothing matters or there is no meaning to life?“
To answer this question let us reclaim the word spirituality to directly reference life as one is experiencing it. With the whole spectrum of feelings and emotions accounted for.
Spirituality is synonymous with life, so the spiritual journey is the journey through life.
This springs up a fruitful category of questions;
Who is the one on the journey, and where is the journey taking place?
Who is the one who walks the path, and what is the path?
Who is the one experiencing? And what is being experienced?
You are trying to enlighten yourself to this difference.
It is necessary to state that Enlightenment Is Not an Achievement, but instead a realization of the difference between the walker and the path, or the journey and the seeker.
Evidently, you are the one on the journey, walking the path, and experiencing.
You are entirely immersed in this infinite world of physical, mental, emotional, and energetic experience, each with it’s own spectrum of intensity, pleasantness, and unpleasantness. Presently seen from a place that is specifically opposite to all of that stuff.
Something and Nothing
The contrasting space to all of that something can be noticed as nothing. A kind of blank space, similar to when we are confused, drawing a blank, or forget something. It actually is not exactly accurate to say it is noticed. What is noticed is the contrast between the usual mental-emotional activity, and the stillness.
If you can consciously come to that blank space, and subtly notice that you somehow incited that internal movement from some unexplainable place, that unexplainable place is your being. We want to practice staying with that being.
When this is observed within the mental space, our mind looks at the something, then back to the nothing, and says;
“What is this? there’s nothing here, why would I pay any attention to this? If there is really only nothing, because this nothing is me, then none of this is real! It is just nothing. Also I would rather there be something here, what the heck?”
To want new, better experiences is evidence that we are alive! Naturally our minds are tools for creating experiences filled with thoughtful language and emotional vibrance.
If we try to intellectually solve this something-nothing duality, well, something will continue to come from it. It is not something to be reconciled, it is something to be actively accepted and noticed.
It is all real. Whatever our thoughts may say the whole universe is still there around you, obviously reality and the meanings that we give it exist.
Oscillation — Back and Forth Between Feeling Free and Trapped
Generally we find ourselves maintaining our position of present observation for increasing lengths of time, until we accept that it is already where we are and always have been anyway.
This progression can appear as an oscillation between feeling at peace, and feeling re-entangled in unpeaceful states.
This is actually a shift between unconsciously generating a lot of mental and emotional activity, and consciously choosing to remain still and empty.
Naturally this takes time to resolve itself, and practicing the latter can help accelerate this transition. Be wary though, those unconscious habits will puff up a lot of smoke to try and convince you that they must be supported and acted upon.
Another barrier is that psychologically we experience this open, free space of observing with detachment as much more pleasant and enjoyable than our default state. In turn, we tend to become attached to the pleasant experiences we have during our spiritual journey.
Then, because we are sucked into an attachment again, we ride this pleasant cycle. There is seemingly a lapse in awareness where we forget that all feelings that come will go.
The peaceful or pleasant experience organically leaves and is replaced with a different, possibly less pleasant experience and we will begin to question why this continues to happen.
It is okay! It is just practice. Eventually your habit will be to automatically stay in stillness of your presence in the face of even the most intense feelings.
‘The Cosmic Joke’
In some sense you can say that the spiritual journey is consciously carving a peaceful space from which you can witness all of the dynamics of the world.
At which point it will be realized that you actually carved out of your own beliefs back into the space of your being alive-ness which is already ever present. That is why they call it the cosmic joke.
That extension is usually omitted and hesitated to be spoken about. By mentioning it, though, the opportunity is presented to simply notice your way out of the trap of the mind.
Let It Be Meaningless
Life itself is an indescribably dense experience, filled with infinite meanings.
Let the essence of your spiritual journey be meaningless.
You could also say, let your spiritual presence carry no meaning.
With no meaning, there is nothing to contradict or impede your spiritual journey. It cannot be encouraged or discouraged, it just is. Pure, and absent of any conclusions, meanings, or feelings.
Which is in no way a rejection of those meanings or feelings!
The meanings can and will remain within your mind and experience. Those feelings and meanings are the entire experience of life.
By accepting a meaningless blank canvas as the backdrop for our experience we gain the freedom to consciously change the meaning to one that we desire. We will exercise our ability to see new visions of reality and draw them into existence.
The spiritual journey is the journey of realizing that there is a stable, peaceful, and most importantly actively observable sense that we are alive and aware at this very moment. Everything else may change, but that will not change.
As for the meaning, let the meaning become a tool to create your life and experience.
Thanks for reading! Hopefully you found this article insightful, illuminating, and freeing. I know that it was enjoyable for me to write.
The comments are always open for questions!
