Making My First Personal Film
It’s fitting that Jordan Presents, my junior thesis film, is centered on a character who cares too much about what people think of him, because that was the exact reason I almost didn’t make the film. Jordan Presents is about an intern (Jordan, who I played) who is naive and uncomfortable when it comes to the topic of race. One day at work, one of his co-interns says “white is better than black” in the context of fabric, and Jordan’s overzealous boss decides that Jordan, the only black employee in the office, should lead the mandatory diversity seminar. Hijinks ensue when Jordan enlists the help of his BSU-obsessed roommate, Charlie, to bone up on his “blackness.”
In the end, everyone learns a valuable lesson about what it means to be black, and how important, or unimportant, fitting in is. This project, which I wrote, directed, and acted in, was the first film I ever made that I’d consider “personal,” and because it was personal, it was terrifying.
I got the idea to write the movie while I was studying abroad in London. I’d had what you might consider a “racial awakening” over my first two years of college in New York City. It became especially apparent during my sophomore year, when there was an increase of scrutiny around racially-motivated police brutality. I participated in my first protest march, and got to see how my friends of different races reacted to the events. I was relieved by my white friends who showed support and anger, and I was let down by a few friends who had less-than-helpful things to say.
When I went to London, I was excited to live in a new culture for a month, and racial politics weren’t even on my radar. Let’s just say that England has their own way of dealing with race, and it’s different, but definitely not better, than America’s. It seemed to me that their solution was “let’s just not talk about it,” and that’s not a great solution. Being the contrarian that I am, that unwillingness to even discuss race made me want to talk about it more, and got me thinking about how hilariously awkward conversations about race could get. From this idea, I wrote the first draft while abroad.
I decided to set my movie in the workplace, because I’d worked several internships and at most of them, I was the only black intern. I based Jordan’s original attitude about race, on my own attitudes from high school. I’d gone to a predominantly white high school, so any discussion about race made me feel different from all of my peers, so in my head it was better not to discuss it. I based Charlie, Jordan’s roommate and false mentor, on several people who’d made me feel bad and even guilty for not fitting squarely into black culture. I based Willa, Jordan’s true mentor in the end, on several people who’d led me to the ultimate revelation that by just living and writing and making the movies I want to make, I’m contributing to black culture because I am black. Frank, who might be my favorite character (and who is played ingeniously by Luke Wehner, who won a Craft Award for Best Supporting Actor at NYU for this role), wasn’t based on anyone specific, but is my tribute to well-meaning white people who can’t help but say the wrong thing.
Is there a lot of baggage packed into this movie? Sure, if you want to psychoanalyze me through this 12-minute comedy, I guess there is. Charlie makes fun of Jordan for having a Tina Fey book because my freshman year roommate did the same thing. It ultimately got cut, but Brian (one of Jordan’s co-interns) used to have a line where he asked Caddie (the other co-intern) if she thought Jordan got his job because of affirmative action; which was a major topic in my high school when my intelligent black friends got into better schools than some less-intelligent and bitter, other folks. Even if it didn’t literally happen to me, almost everything in this script is based very closely on my real life.
There’s this weird stigma in film school about writing characters who are too close to yourself. We snicker when we figure out that a writer is projecting onto a character. Once or twice, someone has forgotten to find-and-replace their name in a script, and during a table read the protagonist’s name suddenly changes to the writer’s name, poking a hole in the curtain of mystery or whatever. Well, if you’re whispering that Jordan is based on me, congratulations, you’re highly perceptive! It’s not exactly me (I’m very comfortable, almost too comfortable, with talking about race), but yes, it’s pretty close.
Aside from a couple of theater camps and high school plays, I didn’t have much acting experience. I’d never acted on camera before. I was taking a film school acting class (more aimed at directors trying to learn what their actors are going through), but that was the extent of my training. I was sure that no one would take me seriously, but I didn’t want to cast someone else in the part, because I wrote this as a personal exploration, and I didn’t want to half-ass it.
I owe this experience largely to two people. I have this bad habit where, when I have an exciting but scary idea, I run it by someone else to see if they think it’s a good idea, and if they like it, I’ll do it. I approached Danielle, a good friend, and pitched the story idea to her, adding softly to the end of my pitch “… and I kind of want to play the main character.” She told me she’d produce it, and she did. Then, I asked Kendra, another friend and amazing actor, if she would be willing to coach me. She said yes. Honestly, without them, I wouldn’t have had the strength to do it. Like I said, I care way too much about what other people are thinking, but in this moment, I was glad to have at least two friends who had my back.
I was the most stressed out I’ve ever been in my entire life leading up to the shoot. In addition to the prospect of acting in the movie, we had scheduling issues. We had location issues. We had budget issues. I had to deal with all of it. But the three-day shoot was a dream. We had some minor hiccups, but all-in-all, everything went well. A few months later, an 8-minute unfinished version of Jordan Presents was picked as a finalist at NYU’s New Visions & Voices Festival, a festival for junior thesis films, and it won two Craft Awards — Best Supporting Actor for Luke, and Best Lead Actor for myself. It also won a Jury Award at the Bobst Film Festival. The validation was great, of course, but it really got me thinking about the amazing cast and crew I had working with me. If it wasn’t for their patience and understanding, this project would not have come through.
Now, I just finished the full version of the film and I’m submitting it to festivals. We’ll see if the validation continues, but even if it doesn’t, I’m so grateful for this rewarding experience. It was terrifying, it was stressful, and it made me vulnerable. But through it, I learned that pain can be a great source for comedy, especially when it’s personal and authentic.
For more information about the film, please visit austinsharris.com/jordan-presents.
