My Tinder date got an earful about my job…and he called me back
When I came aboard the Spaceship, I told Eve and jeremy I’m not looking for a work/life balance. I was looking for something that I’m so passionate about that it becomes part of my life. I found that with The Many, a national, fact-supported conversation of women across political and social divides.
Like my colleague Adriana, these days I eat, sleep and dream everything The Many. So much so, that a recent Tinder date — I’m new to the dating app scene but decided to give it an honest try — got an earful about the project.
I started off by explaining the concept of dialogue journalism and our work to bridge divides. He was really impressed. Then, I went on to describe the amazing feeling of knowing so much about these women and their personal stories from watching their interactions everyday.
As much as I am a “moderator” of these conversations I, too, am being opened up to people with different thought processes than mine. I’ve never had or taken the opportunity to engage in meaningful conversation with someone who holds conservative views.
In the past I’ve had Facebook arguments and conversations that end with an agreement to disagree but with no intention of understanding one another.
But mostly I’m surrounded by other liberal, like-minded individuals who have their own preconceived notions about conservatives and how they came to their views. And we always come to the same questions:
How can they think that way?
Are we living in the same reality?
Why don’t they like facts?
But now I have the opportunity to watch women from a wide range of political opinions interact and see them ask each other questions. I see when things get heated. I watch as they work through misunderstandings. All of which is so beautiful to watch.
And as I watch these discussions my biggest realization is that the same questions I have about conservatives and their ideology, they have about me and mine.
One instance that really struck me was a conversation about guns. A conservative member who is pro-guns was in a heated discussion with women who advocated for gun control. I could tell she felt backed into a corner and just basically asked why they couldn’t see they all had the same goal, to protect their families, but they just have different approaches.
And this was the “ah-ha” moment that I revealed to my Tinder date. Watching this specific conversation made me take a step back to look at where my beliefs come from. I shared that, just like the conservative women in the group, I base my ideologies on my experiences and what I see happening around me.
So while minds have not been changed in the group, so far as I can tell (and that’s not the point), it’s valuable for me — and, I believe, for others — to see that many of us have different perceptions of reality. And while we may never agree, taking into consideration the way someone reached this point in their ideals is the only way we can try to understand each other on a human level rather than political association.
It’s interesting embarking on these new experiences — dating apps and conservatives — at the same time. But as he hit me up for our second date and I saw my political awakening continue to progress, I felt like I was on to something.
Spaceship Media’s The Many is a closed, moderated Facebook group for women across the country and of all political stripes from hard left, hard right and everything in between. The group will run at least until midterm elections in November and is a place to talk civilly and respectfully about a range of political and social issues. Visit our website to learn more about the project and join the conversation by filling out this form.
