Relax, Civility Isn’t Dead
But that doesn’t mean we should stop talking about it
There is a place on the internet unlike any other.
It’s a closed Facebook group called The Many. It is populated by women who hail from the hard right, left and everything in between. Members of the group have productive conversations about politics, current events and, sometimes, just about life. And they really listen to each other.
You’ve probably read articles about Sarah Huckabee Sanders, President Trump’s press secretary, being asked to leave the Red Hen, a restaurant in Lexington, Virginia after she was refused service. The event launched a debate over civility in politics and reactions from all sides, most notably, from Maxine Waters, the representative for California’s 43rd district.
“They won’t be able to go to a restaurant. They won’t be able to go to a gas station. They’re not going to be able to shop at a department store. The people will turn on them,” Waters said of Trump’s cabinet on an interview on MSNBC.
The media had their own thoughts in response to Waters. The Hill pointed to instances in history in which polarization was much worse. Fox questioned if civility and politics were incompatible. This “death” of civility, it seemed, was the final symptom of polarization in the U.S.
Before we can say that civility is dead, we should first tackle what “civility” really means.
Civil Politics, a non-profit organization run by a group of researchers who use data to understand moral psychology, define civility as the ability to disagree productively with others, respecting their sincerity and decency. Civil discussion isn’t about agreeing out of courtesy. Rather, civility is the effort to engage in dialogue in order to understand and empathize with people who have different views from your own.
Still, in the midst of political tension, we ask ourselves, “how could the other side possibly think the way they do?” Despite the frustration, at the root of the question is simply… curiosity. From that curiosity, we at Spaceship Media, nurture a willingness to engage across difference. The women of The Many understand the tiredness of shouting across the aisle and want to close the gap between us.
I make this claim boldly: civility is not dead! As a moderator and reporter for the The Many, I see meaningful engagement between women of different backgrounds and political affiliations who talk deeply about polarizing issues like abortion, race, healthcare, and more. They take a step back and understand people’s experiences and how those experiences inform their choices. People’s lives are so unique, their beliefs cannot be reduced to the beliefs of a single ideology, no matter how entrenched they may be in their political party.
The Many member Lisa Noeth is for pro-cannabis legislation. But she wasn’t always that way. Noeth explained that after speaking to police officers and medical professionals for her thesis at New York University, she started thinking differently. She also wrote social media copy and blog posts for NORML NJ, a non-profit organization that lobbies for marijuana reform.
“I was so against marijuana until college and I realized the medicinal effects, especially with children being treated with seizures and epilepsy,” she said.
It’s easy to make the assumption that Noeth is liberal. But she’s a Republican, with the hope of becoming a conservative-leaning political commentator. Despite the issue’s association with left-leaning policymaking, she supports legal pot and has written a number of times on the topic.
She even wrote about how polarization of marijuana reform leaves legalizing pot at a stalemate.
While the increase in political polarization is a challenge to civil dialogue, many, like Noeth and other members of the group, have demonstrated political identity in the U.S is much more nuanced. According to a PEW research study from on polarization from October, despite greater differences, both parties are moving in the same direction on certain issues, like supporting the rights of the LGBTQ community.
There’s disagreement within political parties also. According to the same report, Republicans are split on economic fairness. Democrats are also split on whether or not work equates to success.
“I think we’ve made the mistake of polarizing issues to the right or the left that shouldn’t be. I think these little boxes we’ve drawn really hurt us significantly, especially the poor,” said Amber Tolbert, a member of The Many, who was featured in an article I co-authored with fellow Spaceship reporter, Alyxaundria Sanford.
Tolbert, who identifies as conservative-leaning, involved herself deeply in transforming her community in East Lake, a neighborhood in Birmingham, Alabama, by mentoring in one of the worst school districts in the country.
When we make assumptions about people’s political beliefs before we learn about why they’ve made their choices, we automatically cast them as the “other.” When the call to action is to alienate people who are different than us, we lose the opportunity to find compromise and ultimately, move the nation forward.
For group member Danielle Blevins engaging across difference adds more nuance to issues that appear to be polarized.
“I don’t believe in running away. I think that no matter where you go, you’re going to have issues, you’re going to have tension and I think that’s true throughout life because people are imperfect and people make things messy, “ she said.
Whether in online conversations or in your own communities, Blevins says that people have the power and responsibility to move the nation in a more positive direction.
This dialogue isn’t easy. But that’s the point. Through these difficult conversations, we are able to learn more about who we are and expand our breadth of knowledge on issues affecting our nation. Conversations in the group aren’t always rosy. Sometimes when disagreements become too heated, they grind to a halt. But it’s in the clashing of ideas that progress is made.
Conversations in the Many give me hope. We have almost 400 members (and counting) who are participating to one degree or another in civil discourse.
The Many is certainly a wonderful group — but what matters is what we take away from these conversations — knowledge, new conversational skills and a renewed sense of curiosity. Our country will always have differences. But the freedom to have these opinions means we should speak on them. It’s important for our democracy to do so.
So I repeat my bold claim: civility isn’t dead. It’s alive in the conversations that we share. And now is certainly not the time to stop. Disagreeing with grace is the only way forward for a healthy democracy.
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Spaceship Media’s The Many is a closed, moderated Facebook group for women across the country and of all political stripes from hard left, hard right and everything in between. The group will run at least until midterm elections in November and is a place to talk respectfully and with civility about a range of political and social issues. Visit our website to learn more about the project and join the conversation by filling out this form.
