Finding your unique voice
The theme of this years International Womens Day is Balance for Better. The thinking goes that by introducing ‘different’ people into ‘traditional’ environments we will find balance and introduce different perspectives that mean the Gucci Blackface jumper never makes it to the market and a conference full of Chinese and top African business and diplomatic officials aren’t met by a large display suggesting the Chinese efforts are exploitative.
Gucci’s Chief Designer went on to say that the controversy has caused his “greatest grief” but that he is taking “full accountability” for the “unintentional effects”. His proposal: scholarship programs and internal training to “increase inclusivity, diversity, participation and cultural awareness.”
Frankly I’m tired of hearing companies tout the same broken solutions to the same repetitive problems. I think the issue goes deep and is also part of the reason why products and services today have very little uniqueness — lots of ‘samey’, very little that feels truly different and interesting.
So whilst this week International Women’s Day have called upon us to strive for balance in the organisations that shape a lot of the world we live in, I think a key enabler will be rediscovering the lost ability to positively critique and disagree with each other. It’s a lot easier to nod and say yes than to respectfully challenge when you don’t agree or believe things could be done another way. If we can’t do that then how will we ever achieve real balance?
I’m guilty of failing to positively critique and I’m sure that you are too.
I often find myself in the position where I have thoughts that I’m eager to share but can’t shake my fear that no-one values my opinion, that the person knows better than I, that I’m stating the obvious and there’s nothing valuable for me to add. Then someone else says what I was thinking, or the end product has a negative or unintentional impact and I think to myself, “crap, I wish I said something.”
I used to be guilty of failing to bring my full, authentic self to work.
I don’t do that anymore.
As a black woman working in technology, I used to frequently hide things about myself to try and make myself more relatable to others — I lied about my hair, my weekends, my music taste, my culinary pallet, everything that makes me, me. I now believe that I have a duty to myself, those who look like me, and those who also have the label of ‘different’, to be unapologetically me and fight for the same opportunities to grow and be heard. I believe that acknowledging our differences make us collectively more understanding and more genuine — we can tell people what we think, without fear of being outcast and produce things that are so much better as a result.
To find balance is to …
vb. put (something) in a steady position so that it does not fall
vb. offset or compare the value of (one thing) with another
To me that says — lets put people in positions where they are comfortable and feel themselves, and are able to contribute meaningfully to decisions.
So this is a story (albeit a bit long one) of the process of recovery I’ve been through having lost a voice (that I inherited in the first place) to developing my own unique voice which I use in my own unique way. It’s also a story in praise of dissent and difference and a hope that our search for balance helps us learn to appreciate what makes us different and more aware of the needs of others, so that we develop products, services and experiences that cater to those who may not be in the room with us.
Finding my voice
I started my big 4 technology consultancy career by being told that I was a special “yellow”, with a twang of “green” aka an amiable analytic who is apparently someone with high EQ and a love for information and deliberate decision making. Everyone else was red (driver) or blue (amiable). I was told that my ‘type’ was deliberately hired to add balance to the room, to be the voice of reason and pull others less forthcoming into the conversation.
I took the test a year later and I was the most extreme form of a driver to no-ones surprise but my own. To be promoted, I had to be seen as a leader and act like one — at that time I only really had one picture of what a leader looked like so I acted accordingly and thus my new voice was defined, that’s until I had my first set back.
Losing my voice
Working in one of the tallest towers in the Chicago Loop, looking down over lollapalooza and the bean, I had the client, who also happened to be the first and most senior black woman I’d ever worked with, tell me I wasn’t good enough and demand I be removed from the project. And removed I was, with an unglamorous goodbye from my line manager whilst I held back tears and an embarrassing silence as everyone else declined to mention what happened.
The intensity of the blow stemmed in some part from the fact that the client fit the same demographic as me being a black female in a multinational, corporate environment — I didn’t expect her to make exceptions for me but I did expect her to have greater consideration for how the decision would impact my confidence.
Needless to say that post the experience I felt scared, self doubt crept in and stayed, and the fear of being told I wasn’t good enough again forced me into my shell and into retreat.
As luck would have it, post that experience I found myself in many rooms where no one challenged stereotypes, where aggressive views were able to shut down the alternative view points in the room, where dominant voices dwarfed others, where precious designers refused to have their designs challenged and dissenters had to make do with no channels to share their opinions.
I found myself with an intense desire to use my voice to bring balance into the room as:
- someone who has failed
- someone who has crippling self-doubt
- someone from an under-represented demographic
- a so called ‘beta woman’
- someone who cares for the future of our world and society
but I’d lost the confidence to do so.
Rediscovering my unique voice
Switching jobs was the first positive step I took towards rebuilding a quiet sense of self confidence. The environment I had previously worked in had led me to the conclusion that there was only one personality type that could be deemed successful. Since leaving, I’ve been exposed to a range of leadership styles that champion a different way of operating.
There is so much content out there which talks about rebuilding confidence, being authentic at work and embracing diversity. For me, the turning point was when I started to actively try to become more self-aware and think not only about how I saw myself but how others perceived me and I found there was a disconnect. The reluctant, shy and uninspired person that I saw was counter to the deliberate listener, hard-working and curious person that others saw. Being able to see yourself clearly is key to building confidence in your own ability and from there you can build a sense of security upon which you can work from.
I credit a lot of my new found confidence to the meet ups that I attend — from the badass women in technology to like minded females and the various social media accounts but also to my colleagues who have shown me that you don’t have to have the loudest voice to have a voice, but you do need to have a point of view and a channel through which you can share it.
So this blog is in praise of …
- Those who use their voice to find balance where others are underrepresented and champion the creation of diverse environment.
- The deliberate thinker, who quietly thinks things through before sharing.
- Those who recognise where voices are missing and deliberately carve out space for them to contribute.
At SPARCK, we are working hard to create an environment where diversity thrives, not dies — where everyone in the room feels like they have an avenue to contribute and influence.
I am on a personal journey to become more self-aware, to help others see themselves more clearly and understand their impact on others. I think balance will play a big part in helping people feel like they can be more authentic at work — the more you are surrounded by like-minded people, the more confident you feel but, until then, join me in faking it until we collectively make it.
About SPARCK
SPARCK is a Strategic Design Consultancy. We are a diverse group of 40+ researchers, strategists, designers and innovators across the UK and we are growing fast. We are part of BJSS, the UK’s leading privately-owned technology and business consultancy. This gives us a unique ability to not only design innovative solutions, but deliver them through our award-winning Agile Enterprise approach.
Get in touch at hello@sparck.io
