On the Perennial Perusing of the Asian Woman’s Dating Preferences || Some Notes

Writing an article called Why ‘I Don’t Date Asian Guys’ Is Problematic (Especially When Asian Women Say It) is problematic, especially when a non-Asian person says it.

If you are going to write about lived experiences without holding the identities of those you write about, use research-based arguments — whether quantitative or qualitative (aka lots and lots of sociological research, citations from experts on the subject, etc).

But don’t write opinionated blog pieces with underdeveloped and slipshod attempts at analysis.

Or better yet, for the majority of writers, just don’t.

This particular piece was written by Heather Jones Yu, a white woman who married a Korean-American dude, who I guess, married her because an Asian chick didn’t pay more attention to him. And it still hurts. (Excuse me, I’ll retract the speculation.)

Please note that there are — unequivocally — reasons embedded in white supremacy and prejudice that affect racial preferences in dating, but this article has not convincingly explained why it’s worse when Asian women express it about Asian men.

Is it because we’re race traitors?

It feels equivalent to the opinion that Candace Wu can’t credibly fight for Asian American visibility because she married a white guy.

This is an issue within monolithic conceptions of racial identity. Identity politics can and should exist within identities because we are intersections of identities. We’re human beings, not groups. That’s the point of identity politics anyway.

There was here an opportunity to discuss the dynamics at play in dating preferences — western/colonial mindset, whiteness as a virtue, conceptions of masculinity, misogyny and fetishization of Asian women, Black men & Black women, misogynoir, feelings on Serena William’s engagement to a white man, feelings about Jesse Williams leaving his wife for a white woman, etc.

I’ve even written a more thoughtful piece (obviously biased here) on dating and racial preferences, as have many others who are even more experienced with the subject.

Anyway, I think part of this frustration stems from the fact that it takes me forever to write an article because I chew on how to present the ideas for a long time. The fact that I’m posting this on Medium instead of as a Facebook post (because it somehow became ~400 words) even concerns me because it feels like a platform that requires of me the responsibility of presenting well-informed opinions.

I’m constantly concerned that my analysis was not thorough enough, that I was somehow glaringly ignorant, that I am missing important pieces of the story that would and should color my perspective.

When such carelessly composed pieces are let out in the world, it reminds me that we are incentivized to produce, not think. We are incentivized to consume, not question.

(I might also be cranky because I’ve had maybe four hours of sleep the past two days, so please let me know if my reaction could use the tempering of other arguments.)